I got a full night’s sleep last night so I’m feeling much better today (yay!).  Yesterday morning was….well, ugly.  I was lost in a fog of self-pity for a few hours after the kids left for school.  It was fueled by getting only two and a half hours of sleep the night before, a book I read while not sleeping, and my overall general anxious and neurotic nature.  About as good a combination as cocaine, crystal meth and ether.

Ok, so it really wasn’t as bad as all that, but I do love Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas and did feel pretty….dark. 

I read The Year Of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.  This memoir of the year following the death of her husband of 40 years was amazing. It’s basically written as a diary but also manages to describe the more general ways in which humans deal with grief and mourning, without turning into a self-help book.

During this year, in fact beginning 5 days before her husband died, her adult daughter was also seriously ill. She recovered before the end of the year covered in the book, much to my relief. I don’t know how the author made it through that year, although she does explain it in great personal detail.  I won’t say anymore about the book in case you haven’t read it yet.

In any case, she talks a lot about self-pity and how we hate feeling self-pity which just causes guilt that results in more self-pity.  It’s a vicious circle of fear and loathing.  No, no one died in my life, so I’m not comparing my little bout with self-pity to hers.  It’s just that reading her tragic account led me to feel guilty about the things I worry about and that led to my sleep-deprived-pity-party.

I’m glad I didn’t post about it at the time.  I snapped out of it pretty quickly after talking to a few friends, reading and setting up a job interview.  It actually turned out to be a good day with unseasonably nice weather too.  Today is another beautiful day here and I got sleep so I’m back to normal (as normal as I get anyway).  I always love a happy ending.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!