“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

I don’t deal with criticism well.  At all.  Seriously.  When criticized, or even when I perceive that I’m being covertly criticized (which is much of the time), I feel…awful.  I feel like a bad kid who has really screwed something major up.  This is how I feel even over tiny minor criticisms (or perceived minor criticisms).  It’s horrible.  It’s something I try to be aware of so that I can talk myself down without lashing out at the person from whom I’m receiving criticism or sinking into a deep dark pit of shame.

Maybe this all sounds overly dramatic.  Unfortunately for me, and many others I suspect, it is a fact of life.  I have figured out where this comes from, at least for myself.  Again, I suspect it is the same, or similar, for many others.  My fear of criticism comes from, where else?  My childhood.  Come on, I’m a psych major who reads a lot, what else did you think I would say? 

Growing up, when I was very “good”, I was given excessive praise.  My parents would brag about my accomplishment to our extended family members.  Conversely, when I was very “bad”, I was ALL bad.  I was punished severely for even the most minor mistake or infraction.  This punishment included countless extended groundings, screaming, name calling and physical abuse.  These incidences were NEVER discussed with our extended family members. 

This extreme, either angel or devil, led to my fear of criticism.  If I’m “bad” in ANY way, then I’m ALL bad. 

For example, I’m a self-admitted procrastinator when it comes to cleaning.  I know why that is too, but that’s a post for another day.  This morning hubby asked if we could clean out our closet this weekend.  Because of my angel/devil complex, and because he has previously criticized me for being messy, I immediately took this as a criticism.  If he’s criticizing me, then I’m ALL bad, and how could he possibly love someone who is ALL bad?

Maybe he was criticizing me.  Maybe he wasn’t.  Maybe he does think it’s solely my responsibility to keep it organized and is annoyed that I haven’t.  Maybe he just wants the closet to be organized and wants us to take care of it this weekend.  I really don’t know because all he did was ask if we could clean it this weekend.  However, what I heard was, “you have failed miserably at your job of keeping the closet organized and therefore you are a horrible person.”.  Neurotic and crazy?  YES! 

As I said, I’m aware of this and am working on it.  However, it took me 38 years to get to this point so it’s going to take some time to reprogram my thought processes. 

In the meantime, do I REALLY have to clean the closet?! 

Thanks for stopping by!

First, if you already consider yourself to be a “naughty girl”, this post isn’t for you.  This post is for women like me; people-pleasing, co-dependent, avoid confrontation at all costs, follow the rules, always do the “right” thing, etc.  If any of these descriptions fit you, read on.

Second, I have to pause here for a legal disclaimer from the U.S. Constitution, Amendment V…

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

In other words…I plead the 5th. 

I will give a very vague description of some events that transpired one weekend in January.  I am not required to provide any additional details, as explained in the legal disclaimer above.

Here’s the story…Hubby and I had very recently separated and things between us were at their very worst.  I was extremely unhappy and very, very angry.  A girlfriend called with an invitation to go on a short road trip with her to visit her sister for the weekend.  I jumped at the chance, simply to escape the nightmare my life had become. 

To say that my escape was successful would be a serious understatement.  I was a very, very naughty girl.  I behaved in ways not befitting a “good girl” or even a “law abiding citizen”.  I did have a GREAT time though!  It was just what I needed at that specific time.  Thankfully, nothing I did caused any actual lasting damage or resulted in any negative consequences (except the feeling that I had been run over by a truck by the end of the weekend).  I needed a vacation from my vacation.

My point is, I was sick and tired of always doing what others’ thought was the right thing, or what I thought others’ thought was the right thing.  I was tired of always being a “good girl”. 

I don’t recommend doing anything that would require you to plead the 5th or result in any negative consequences for yourself or others.  That isn’t where I’m going with this.  Where I am going is that if you feel trapped in a lifestyle or relationship or even in just your own rigid thoughts about what is “right” and “wrong”, it is VERY liberating to step out of your comfort zone and do something that you consider to be “naughty”. 

If that means telling hubby you’re going out with the girls one night (and he normally doesn’t like for you to go anywhere without him), DO IT.  If that means shaking things up in the bedroom with your significant other, DO IT.  If it means taking a day to yourself for some pampering at a spa, DO IT.  Whatever you can think of that will make you feel just a little bit “bad”, DO IT!

You only live once and life is too short to never be…..