All I can think of to say is, “DUH.”. My sister read my last post about the only dream I’ve remembered in a long time. She nailed it. It took her all of 5 minutes. It’s so weird how we can sometimes see other people’s dilemmas so clearly but lack the same clarity in our own lives.

The last time I was in an art gallery was when I took my first solo trip over mother’s day weekend in 2008. I wanted something tangible and local to bring back home to remember my trip. I wanted a constant reminder of my new found liberation and the trip itself. I purchased a fairly large photo taken by a local photographer of the beach on which I stayed that weekend. It’s unbelievably beautiful and is prominently displayed in our living room.

I vowed to make it a mother’s day tradition and travel alone that weekend every year. Last year I wasn’t able to afford the trip. I am planning on going this year. I have the hotel covered but have not yet booked the flight or rental car. Provided that my level of income is the same or better than my last job, the expense of the trip will not be a financial burden. But I don’t yet know for certain what my level of income will be. Although I am 90% sure that I’m going, I have held off on finalizing the arrangements and some doubt remains.

Obviously my family’s financial well being is of utmost importance to me. But taking this trip is also important to me. And there you have it. The meaning of my dream. I am struggling because I am dying to go but am afraid to officially book it in case our financial situation deteriorates. My dream of purchasing a large painting but then being advised not to do so for financial reasons is my brain reminding me that while I may not be consciously thinking about all of this on a regular basis, it is a dilemma. In my dream I was leaning towards buying the painting, just as I am leaning towards booking the trip in reality. I woke up from my dream before making a final decision. Clearly I need to wake up and make a decision soon.

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I rarely remember my dreams, as in maybe once a year. I did remember one I had recently.

I was in an art gallery. I picked out a very large painting to hang in our family room. I don’t remember anything at all about the painting except that it was extremely large. For whatever reason I really wanted the painting. I was all set to buy it when someone stopped me. I’m not sure if this person worked at the gallery or was someone who had come with me. I don’t know who it was. It was a woman. She stopped me to point out that the painting was so large that it required a permit. She went on to remind me that if I did not obtain the proper permit I would not qualify for an FHA mortgage should I ever decide to refinance. I took her warnings into consideration and was leaning towards buying the painting without the permit anyway. Before I made a final decision I woke up.

As in most dreams this scenario is absurd. In reality no painting would require a permit or preclude me from obtaining a mortgage.

I am not currently in the market for any artwork and have not been in a gallery in almost two years. I’m not considering refinancing either.

The only part of the dream that seems to have any connection to reality is the consideration of mortgage lending guidelines but only because I’m a mortgage underwriter.

I know very little about dream interpretation and there is not much out there in the way of concrete research conclusions available to reference. I have a couple of dream interpretation books but they are vague and conflicting. I realize that most events in dreams are symbolic, not literal.

Left to my own limited to devices I concluded that the painting itself was not important. I didn’t even remember what it looked like. That left me with only the idea that there was something I wanted but was uncertain if I should buy it due to financial concerns. Or possibly even a more simpler interpretation could be that I am struggling with a decision.

I can’t think of any decision I am struggling with and there is nothing pressing that I am dying to purchase. I did, however, recently change jobs. Maybe I am just worried that I will end up regretting that decision? The mortgage industry is not exactly stable these days. Job security has been an almost constant concern for the past three years.

I have no idea if I’m anywhere near the right track. I did think it was worth thinking about though since I so rarely remember anything I dream about. Maybe this one was important. Or maybe there’s just a large painting in my future.

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Growing up, my parents set unrealistic expectations for me and then doled out excessive punishments (consequences) for failing to meet those expectations.  I never learned that I was entitled to freedom, or anything else for that matter.  While this method of parenting is damaging in many ways, it did teach me how to make decisions based, at least in part, on examining the possible consequences of those actions, which has served me well.  It also insured that I don’t have some unrealistic sense of entitlement, which is also a good thing.

Just so there is no misunderstanding regarding what I’m talking about, some definitions from dictionary.com:

expectation
noun
1. belief about (or mental picture of) the future
2. anticipating with confidence of fulfillment

consequence
noun
1. the effect, result or outcome of something occurring earlier
2. act or instance of following something as a result or outcome

entitled
adjective
qualified for by right according to law; “we are all entitled to equal protection under the law”

As a parent, I try to teach my kids the lessons I learned in a more healthy way than mine did. No, I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I’m sure my kids will be blogging about how my failings as a parent negatively affected them in 20 years! I’m just saying that I try. I do the best I can to not be like my parents, but to also not go to the other extreme just for the sake of not being like my parents.

To me, that other extreme is parenting without limits. Complete permissiveness. I’m sure you’ve encountered parents like this. Their child does something they shouldn’t do and the parent either completely ignores it (while all the other adults in the room are dying to strangle the little brat) or keeps threatening the child with consequences but never follows through (while all the other adults in the room are dying to strangle the parent).

My thinking on this is that the end result for these kids, once they become adults, is that they have no decision making abilities and a strong sense of entitlement. Let me explain. They do not learn to have expectations for themselves, since none were set for them (they aren’t expected to behave properly). They do not learn that there are consequences for their actions (the parent doesn’t follow through with providing consequences for their behavior). Doesn’t this inherently instill the sense of entitlement? I would imagine that this child, as an adult, has this “tape” recorded in their subconscious, “Nothing is expected of me, therefore I do not need to try to succeed. There are no consequences for my decisions or actions, therefore I am “free” to do whatever I want in the moment with no consideration for how those decisions and actions will affect myself or others. I am entitled to getting whatever I want, without any conscious effort on my part.”.

Following that line of thinking, won’t these adults, when confronted with the inevitable adult consequences, blame others? The “establishment”, thier partners, their kids, the universe, God, etc. Without some serious self-examination, won’t they continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over and learn no lessons from them? What will it take to get them to a point of self-examination? A major loss or multiple major losses, “hitting bottom” (getting fired, divorced, thrown in jail, etc.)?

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