November 2, 2008 was the date I sat down, wrote this post and hit the oft-dreaded publish button for the first time, claiming my own little spot here on the interwebs. I didn’t have much of a clue about why I was doing it or where I was going with it. I now have a pretty firm grasp on why I do it but still not the slightest idea of where it’s going.

I have learned quite a bit over the past year through blogging.

I’ve learned that pretty much no matter what I write about there is at least one person, and usually many more than just one, who reads it and comments or e-mails me to say they’ve been in the same situation or feel the exact same way. I’ve learned that I’m not alone.

I’ve learned that it is possible to develop relationships with people who follow my blog and whose blogs I follow. We have gotten to know each other. Admittedly, we never really know exactly how well we know each other since our primary interactions are through what each of us chooses to expose on our blogs and in our comments. Much can be hidden. The same can be said for people we know in life though. Some of the friends I’ve met through blogging have become facebook friends too, some I communicate with regularly via e-mail, one I have met in person. Some turned out not to be friends at all and/or not who they want people to believe they are. Some lost interest in my blog or I lost interest in theirs. Some stopped blogging and have disappeared. They have all touched me in some way and all taught me something about life or about myself.

I’ve learned a ton about social media. When I started out I had a MySpace account and one e-mail address. Today, I’m on virtually every social networking site there is. I can’t even remember all that I’ve signed up for. MySpace has been completely abandoned. Facebook is private and used primarily for people who I actually know, except my public Facebook Page for this blog. I have an endless number of e-mail addresses. I even know a little about search engine optimization, especially that anyone claiming to be a SEO guru, is in fact, NOT.

I’ve learned that there are multiple cliques within the blogging community. There is always some controversy or other brewing. These always seem to bring out the worst in people, the catty in-fighting hurts us all. This is especially true amongst “mommy-bloggers” which is, unfortunately, the category under which my blog most likely falls. I try to ignore the nonsense. It usually blows over pretty quickly and isn’t nearly as important as anyone involved thought it was.

I’ve learned that blogging is extremely time consuming and much easier to keep up with when not employed than when working full time. I’ve learned that doesn’t bother me and that I somehow find the time because I love it so much.

My most popular blog post by far is Narcissistic Mothers. My least popular post is Are Credit Scores Obsolete. I guess there a lot more people trying to understand their parents and narcissists than there are interested in credit scores or the mortgage industry. Or maybe there are just a lot more professional bloggers out there talking about credit scores and the mortgage industry so my little post didn’t cover any new ground.

That about sums up what I’ve learned this year and I hope to learn even more over the next year. Thank you to everyone who’s reading!

As always, thanks for stopping by!

It has been almost a year since I started blogging. As many people do when milestones are approaching, I have looked back over the past year of my life and at what I have written about. I have started to wonder why the hell I do this. Why do I blog?

Like my friend Tammy, who recently asked the same question on her blog, I’ve always been very private, not sharing much with anyone other than my closest friends and family. It is completely out of character for me to write about my most painful experiences, embarrassing moments, and deepest darkest thoughts.

And therein lies the answer.

I started blogging because well, I had nothing better to do. I was unemployed and it was November so my kids were in school. I couldn’t travel or shop because of the financial situation we were in as a result of my unemployment. I was on the internet all day anyway looking for jobs.

I was also coming to the realization that when I became a mom I lost myself completely. I wanted to talk about all of those other roles I gave up when I became a mom because I started noticing that others in my life seemed to have done the same. I figured if I had done it, and some people I know had done it, there must be others out there too. I was right, wasn’t I? I am still amazed at all the women I have met through blogging who are struggling with their own identities. I’m even more amazed by all the people in my life, even distant business acquaintances, who have contacted me after a blog post to say they have been there too. I would never have known were it not for this blog. Each person I have ever heard from has taught me something and I couldn’t be more grateful to each and every one.

What I’ve come to realize in the year that I’ve been writing about all of this was that it wasn’t just that I lost my own identity when I became a mom. The truth is that I jumped into that role voluntarily giving up all others. I was ashamed of my choices, my life, myself. Being a good mom was something I could definitely handle. I cut off almost all other parts of my identity because it was comfortable and much easier to do than to face my own shame.

The only role I didn’t give up was my role as an ambitious career woman. I kept on working and pursuing promotions and success. That was the only other role I knew I could handle. It was also another huge distraction that allowed me to ignore my shame. Between being a mom and working full time, I made certain that I didn’t have the time or energy to ask myself some tough questions about who I had become. That all ended when the mortgage industry tanked, launching me into this mid-life crisis that has turned out to be the biggest learning experience of my life.

So, that’s why I do this. I put my thoughts out there and am rewarded in two ways. The first way is that I simply get to release what I was born and bred to hide and feel ashamed of…my own thoughts and feelings. The second way is that I find out other people feel exactly the same way or have a different perspective to offer, but either way, get where I am coming from.

Thanks for stopping by!

If you’re on Twitter you understand how #followfriday works.

If not, the idea is to share your favorite people with others. In this case, I am looking for the name and link to one of your favorite blogs. It’s a way to pay it forward. Hopefully, we’ll end up with a nice long list of some great blogs that we would otherwise miss out on.

Keep it clean please! All spam, marketing and porn will be deleted (sorry!). I’m looking for some good blogs with actual written articles. 

If you’d like to leave a comment on why you added the blog(s) you submitted, feel free!

I’ll get it started. Since it would be impossible to choose which of my favorite blogging friends to include, I’m going to kick it off with a new blog I’ve been following lately.

Thanks for stopping by!

At first I couldn’t remember exactly when we first met.  I did a little research and found the exact date.  December 8, 2008.  We had both been using a blog networking site called Alpha Inventions and she bumped me out of the rotation. I’ll never forgive her for that.    Coincidentally (or is it?), December 8th is also Bodhi Day.

At the time I had only been blogging for a little over a month and really had no clue what I was doing (as opposed to today, when I have exactly 1 clue what I’m doing).  She left me a very sweet comment and we’ve been following each others’ blogs ever since.

We’ve discussed everything from bird poop to abortion.  We’ve both had our fair share of narcissists in our lives and can spot them a mile away (well at least within 40 days or so).  We’ve both learned a lot of lessons the hard way but are grateful for the lessons nonetheless.

Where I can be direct, brutally honest and even blunt, Dawn is laid-back (most of the time), understanding and sometimes writes in almost cryptic, poetic metaphors. I once commented to another blogger who we both follow that she is the angel and I am the devil on her shoulders.  She seems to be a more zen-wise-go-with-the-flow type of person where I’m more of a high-strung-impatient-neurotic-hot-mess.

She lives in another state but is going to be spending a weekend in my area in a few weeks celebrating her birthday.  How cool is it that after talking about our most deep dark secrets and general nonsense for the past few months, we actually get to meet face to face for lunch while she’s here?!

I’m really looking forward to it and hope we have as much fun in person as we do online!

Thanks for stopping by!

Do you see it?!  The banner is UP!  It took most of last night and this morning but I finally figured out why it wasn’t working, got the title onto the picture, found the right size, uploaded it to my hosting site, inserted into my theme, and voila!  The #$%&@ banner is finally here.  Aren’t you impressed with all my new lingo?  Yeah, like I know what I’m talking about.

I know this is of no importance to anyone but me.  That’s ok.  I wanted the banner and I’ve finally got it.

Yay for progress, no matter how slow or small!

Thanks for stopping by!

I love this quote.  Of course, I love all the quotes I use and quotes in general.  They make you think.  I’m stalling.

Here’s the thing…I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with this new website.  Seriously.  I had a lot of help getting it to it’s current functional state.  I spent hours upon hours working on it this weekend and several more hours last night.  I still can’t even get the freakin’ banner up at the top!

I have willingly thrown myself into a world where foregin abbreviations such as “FTP” and “CSS” are included as part of the instructions on how to perform a certain task.  Here’s one I DO understand….WTF?! 

I started to become somewhat agitated by my own lack of knowledge about  these things because they are necessary for me to do different things with my blog.  I want to do many different things, some of which I probably don’t even know the correct term for yet, let alone how to do them.  I’ll get there.  Slowly.  But, I’ll get there.

The progress I have made is that I didn’t freak out about it, beat myself up over it or quit.  I even walked away and left it in it’s current imperfect state.  For me, dear readers, that is progress.

Thanks for stopping by!

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You made it!  Welcome to my brand new site.  I know it looks pretty much the same as the old one.  Well, except for the areas in which I am still having some technical difficulties, such as the missing banner at the top.  I’ll get there.  Being a huge fan of instant gratification, once the site was functional, there was no chance I could wait until it was perfect to start using it.  And besides, nothing is ever perfect anyway now is it?

Thanks for stopping by!

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I finally took the plunge and got my own site!  If you aren’t automatically redirected, please come on over to:

www.somuchmorethanamom.com

where you will find all of the same nonsense and psycho-babble that you find here.  And please, pardon the dust.  It’s still under construction because…well, because I’m still trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing.

Thanks for stopping by!

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I’ve talked about writing a book for as long as I can remember.  I’ve mentioned it here several times.  As a teenager I wanted to write a novel.  That never worked out.  I don’t know if it’s because I lack the technical skills or just the imagination, but fiction is not for me. 

Inspired by two friends, whom I didn’t even know were thinking about writing books, I finally started writing mine.  They both told me they had already started theirs.  One is pretty close to being finished if I’m not mistaken.  Upon hearing about their works already in progress, I was happy for them, but also felt as if I were sitting here procrastinating (again) and letting time pass me by while I’m not doing something I want to do.

I’ve only been working on it for two weeks.  I’m on page nine.  So far it’s sort of an auto-biography from a psychological point of view, if that makes any sense.  It’s basically an elaboration on several of my most personal blog posts, and more….so much more. 

While the content is similar to many of my blog posts, writing a book allows for much greater detail than a blog post here and there.  I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, except taking a look at my life and analyzing how and why I ended up here.  It’s even more cathartic than writing blog posts and allows me to clearly see things I have not even considered before.  I don’t know if anyone else will ever even read it, let alone buy it, but the process itself is well worth the effort.  At worst, my kids will have an amateurish account of my life to read someday if they like. 

I find myself self-editing as I go along.  I have deleted entire pages, moved paragraphs around and even saved some passages to be used in future chapters.  This leads me to believe that in the end, it will be a much different book than I initially envisioned.  That’s ok.  I’m going to let it take me in whatever direction feels right. 

Thanks for stopping by!

Wow.  I’ve spent the better part of this week in the mind of the narcissist.  It is not a good place to spend time.  At all.  It’s confusing and painful and terrifying.  It had to be done.  I had to face it and get it out. 

I mentioned at the beginning of the first post that I once thought hubby was a narcissist.  I’d like to elaborate.  We all have some of the traits attributed to narcissists from time to time.  The differences are that the true narcissist embodies many or all of the traits consistently throughout their life and will go to their grave denying that they ever need to change anything.

When I first started making changes for myself and insisting on certain changes in my marriage, hubby was resistant.  That’s when he exhibited some of these behaviors.  Because they looked and felt familiar, I was afraid I had married my father and had been fooled by hubby’s normally non-narcissistic-appearing personality.  Luckily, I was wrong. 

He is just your garden-variety average person who has some baggage.  He was resistant to the changes I was making because, well, no one likes change, and I tapped into some of his unresolved issues. 

He was able to make significant changes.  He went from a place of absolute denial to almost complete transformation.  He recognized and was able to admit those behaviors and choices that were not good.  It isn’t fun to acknowledge when you’ve behaved badly but he’s done that.  He has also become my biggest supporter and is always here for me. 

This week, as I spent most of my days in Crazytown (the mind of the narcissist), I called him at work for reality checks.  He was so understanding and helpful.  He’s off work today and we’re going to hang out together.  I’m looking forward to it, especially after my week on the dark side.  It’s good to be back.

On a side note, someone found my blog today using this search term:  “buddhist bitch”!  Made me laugh. 

Thanks for stopping by and have a nice weekend!