So Much More Than A Mom » Spirituality

A Profound Analysis Of Facebook Status Updates

Cyndi — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:23:17 +0000

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man … living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.” — George Carlin

Hi. My name is Cyndi and I have a problem. Facebook. To be honest I also have problems with twitter, e-mail, texting, google reader and multiple other online distractions, not to mention multiple offline addictions. Don’t judge.

I’ve seen the following canned (Who writes these things anyway? Is there some sweatshop somewhere?) Facebook status update a few times over the past several weeks:

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! Press 1 for English. Press 2 to disconnect until you learn to speak English. And remember— only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, JESUS CHRIST and the AMERICAN SOLIDER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. If you agree… copy and paste in your status

This one doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t understand what the first *ahem* sentiment has to do with the second. So, I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when someone I know well posted this as her status. She has been my go-to person for all questions related to Christianity for years. I felt comfortable that asking her about it would not offend her as she is aware that I am a heathen and therefore prone to asking the tough questions, which I did:

I don’t understand this…would Jesus disconnect anyone who doesn’t speak English?

I admittedly do not know everything there is to know much at all about Christianity or organized religion in general. I am pretty sure I’ve got the basics of Christianity down. I know for certain that one of the more common Christian ideologies is, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” [Matthew 7:12]. (You’re impressed that I knew the book and verse aren’t you? I love The Internets.) The good old golden rule.

Is it really that offensive to be offered the option of pressing “2″? And if so, why? If I were in a foreign country and I had to contact some wretched call center for any reason I would be delighted to have the option (even if it was #7 or #212) to reach someone who speaks English. Do unto others, right? Isn’t the truly offensive action in this scenario the fact that you have to contact a call center at all? I’m fairly certain that the concept of the call center originated in hell and that Jesus does not like them anymore than we do. We all know as soon as we dial the number that we will be placed into that dreaded loop of options, excessive hold times and finally will be transferred to someone in another country who will tell us in English that whatever we are asking for is not going to happen and we are just screwed, thankyouverymuch.

My personal favorite canned Facebook update makes much more sense to me. In fact I think whoever came up with it should win some sort of online Facebook-status-writing award or something. It’s as if whoever penned this sentiment somehow knows me and was able to express, much better than I ever could, what I truly feel in my heart and soul:

Please put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who is an idiot. Idiots affect the lives of everyone. There is still no known cure for stupidity, but we can raise awareness …… 93% wont Copy and Paste this, many because they’re too stupid to know how to copy and paste. Will YOU make this your status for at least one hour?

Thanks for stopping by!

Is Anything A Coincidence

Cyndi — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:59:25 +0000

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Coincidence:

A sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged.

My mood when I wrote my last post was hopeful. This was due in no small part to the fact that friends of ours were at the hospital eagerly awaiting the birth of their first baby. There is nothing like a new baby to remind us of the joys in life.

The new father in this couple is the same friend whose mother died three years ago. I’ve written about how her death was the first in a series of unfortunate events. I’ve also written about how I wondered if Gina’s death occurring almost exactly three years later meant something.

I still don’t have the answer to that question (or many others for that matter) but I simply cannot believe that it is mere coincidence that Gina died 5 days before the 3rd anniversary of the death of our friend’s mother and that his new baby missed being born on the anniversary of her death by less than 1/2 hour. His new baby was born last night. His mother died 3 years ago today.

What better way to take some of the grief out of the holidays for our friend and his family than to now get to celebrate his new daughter’s birthday at the same time? It’s still tragic that she won’t get to meet her grandma, of course. But a new life has begun and I wonder if the timing is simply just a coincidence. I am happy for our friends and can’t wait to meet the newest member of their family.

Obviously babies are blessings. No doubt. I also believe that lessons can be found in everything. But I cannot consider Gina’s death or our friend’s mother’s sudden death three years ago to be blessings. There are lessons to be learned, but blessings? I can’t see that.

Since I am connected to both the proud new parents and Gina, the timing of these two deaths and this birth seems like it must mean something. Maybe in my attempt to make sense out of my friend’s senseless death I am reading too much into this. Maybe there is such a thing as coincidence.

An acquaintance sent a well-meaning e-mail to me today wishing me a Merry Christmas and ended it by asking me to tell Gina she said hi. It was as if someone had punched me in the stomach. I really couldn’t breathe for a few seconds. I can’t tell Gina she said hi, or anything else. I’m trying, really hard, to convince myself that she will always be with me in spirit. I’m trying to stop thinking that I don’t want her with me in spirit. I want her here in reality. I’m trying not to indulge in wishful thinking. I’m trying to find some faith.

What do you think? Coincidence? Just another person in mourning looking for signs where there are none? Or something else?

Thanks for stopping by!

I Don’t Know What I Don’t Know

Cyndi — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:37:21 +0000

“A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

So I was thinking some more about this whole idea of Limbo and wondering what it was that used to make my life hell when I was forced (by my own inaction or by circumstances truly beyond my control) to deal with periods of limbo.

The obvious is the unknown. When I am in limbo I am unsure of an outcome. I am waiting for something to happen, someone to get back to me or someone to take action. Fear of the unknown causes most people anxiety. For a neurotic worrier such as myself, this was hell. It’s not just fear, it’s constant worrying, dreaming up every possible worst-case scenario, dreaming up every possible acceptable scenario, secretly attached to the expectation of the best possible case scenario. It’s actually fear that my own worst-case scenario will occur or that if my best-case scenario does not occur all hope for happiness will be forever lost, not simply the fear of the unknown. This is an extreme and dramatic way to look at the unknown.

At times in the past, it was I who could have taken action but didn’t realize it. I spent my life simply reacting to things which seemed to simply happen. I had not one clue that I was capable of taking responsibility for some aspects of my life. I was not helpless or trapped by anything other than my own fear. There’s that word again. Fear. In these instances it was still fear of the unknown but also fear of making the wrong decision and having only myself to blame. Fear that others would not love me if the secret of my imperfection were to get out. Fear of failure, rejection, fear of everything.

The unknown is really just that…unknown. It’s not anything to fear. It’s pointless to fear it really. It’s certainly pointless to worry about it. Worrying has never solved a single problem for anyone. Ever. In fact, worrying is a distraction that can cloud our judgment and cause us to miss other opportunities that may come along because we’re too busy worrying about something else.

Interestingly enough, today I learned that there is a slight possibility that a doctor who practices alternative medicine might be able to help my friend Gina. It’s a long shot but definitely worth it. I wonder if her husband had simply given into worrying about what he would do after she was gone if he would have even thought to try something different since all the other doctors have said there is no hope. They are in limbo but still working on doing everything they can to get out of it. Making choices. Maybe all of your prayers and those of everyone who knows her are working. We don’t know what we don’t know.

Thanks for stopping by!

My First Official Dharma Lesson

Cyndi — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 05:25:50 +0000

“Practicing gratitude is like going green on the inside.” -Venerable Manpou

I finally made it to an official Dharma Lesson at the Temple where I’ve been going with my sister for meditation classes. While my first Dharma lesson was great because it was spontaneous and very intimate, this one was even better because there was some structure. Each month, we discuss specific topics in order to understand Buddhism, which is extremely complicated (at least for me).

Tonight we discussed Dependent Origination and the wheel of life.

We also discussed the five precepts:

To refrain from taking life (non-violence towards sentient life forms)
To refrain from taking that which is not given (not committing theft)
To refrain from sensual (including sexual) misconduct
To refrain from lying (speaking truth always)
To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness (specifically, drugs and alcohol)

Yikes. I’m going to have a problem with #1. No, I’m not a serial killer. When Buddhists refer to sentient life forms they are talking about animals too. Like steak cows. I like steak and burgers and hot dogs, bacon, brats, chicken, fish, shrimp, etc. #5 is also going to be problematic for me. I like to drink a few beers socially. I have been known to over-indulge from time to time as well. I like beer. Am I sounding like Homer Simpson?

Anyway, they gave me an “out”. Baby steps. As long as you attempt to refrain from these five things, it’s all good. Any improvement is progress. As an example, they suggested that carnivores start off eating only vegetables one day during a month, then two days, then three….you get the idea.

I did get an answer to my question. Yes, they do believe that children born into abusive families had a lot of bad Karma in their previous life. They did make a distinction between the parent who takes out his/her anger about other things on their children vs. parents who simply cannot control their tempers when they are angered by things the children actually do. I didn’t understand why this distinction was pointed out. Maybe it will come to me later. Maybe I’ll ask next month. Maybe one of you has some idea?

Thanks for stopping by!

Wishful Thinking

Cyndi — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:37:44 +0000

“I write because I still believe that words have magic, that they can change things, like the Medicine Man who gives my friend a Cree name to treat her cancer because the herbs he’s prescribing wouldn’t recognize her without it.” — Lorna Crozier

One of my best friends has been battling breast cancer for over two years now. I’ve written about her before. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. And here.

Through it all, she has still never lost her positive outlook and is always trying new things and thinking up different ways to find some happiness and peace. In fact, there has been some discussion about her starting a blog. I hope she does it. I think she’s probably a gifted writer and I know that she has a lot to share.

What I’m hoping for today though is that the scans she’s having done today to find out if her most recent round of chemo did its job, come back indicating that it did. So, I’m just sending my hope for her remission out there into the universe and thinking positive thoughts for her and her family today.

As she and I always say to each other (even sober)…Gina, I love you man!

Thanks for stopping by!

**UPDATE:

Well I must admit I am a bit disappointed with my scans. In a nutshell, there has been disease progression. The 2 nodules in my lungs that had previously shrunk are now back to their original size. However, the good news is that it has NOT spread anywhere else and my tumor markers in my blood have decreased. What that means is that the tumors are not growing quickly. I will begin another type of chemo today and we will see how it goes from here.

All I can think of to say at this point is, “fuck!”.

Someone Could Have Mentioned That Meditation Was A Winter Sport

Cyndi — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:34:23 +0000

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” — George Carlin

My sister and I went to meditation class last night. Two other women in my life were considering going too after reading about my experiences. It turned out that neither could make it. I was disappointed at first. Don’t I get extra Karma points for “recruiting”?

This has been a mild summer here in Chicagoland. Normally at this time of year it’s unbearably hot and humid out almost every day. This year, it’s been pretty cool. There was a week where the temps were in the 90’s earlier in the summer but lately…not so much. This week it’s finally been hotter, in the 80’s.

I love summer. I don’t even mind the unbearable heat and humidity as long as I’m outside at a pool soaking up some rays or at a barbecue or fest. Most of the year, the temps are well below 40 so summer is a big deal around here. But I can’t stand being hot and sweaty indoors. It’s gross and uncomfortable.

Because it’s been so unseasonably cool so far this summer (which is almost over by the way and I’m not happy about this at all), there was something that I never noticed about the temple where meditation class is held. THERE IS NO AIR CONDITIONING.

It was like a freakin’ oven in there. The temple is an old converted barn with high ceilings. There are ceiling fans but they are about 15 feet up. For reasons that I do not understand, the front doors were not open either. It was actually pretty breezy out last night and I’m sure some air coming in would have helped.

Did I mention that during the actual sitting meditation period, we also have to cover our legs with a heavy towel? Something about protecting the knees. We were all sitting there sweating in places a person should not sweat for the entire meditation. That made it difficult to think about anything but getting the hell out of there.

I still did ok, considering the inhumane conditions. I managed to stay pretty focused for most of the time. But, by the final 10 minutes, I kept opening my eyes to check the clock. I felt somewhat relaxed afterwards, but mostly just happy to get outside. I was so happy that the two women I know weren’t able to make it. If they are anything like me, they may not have enjoyed the sauna-like heat and had a bad first visit.

I’m thinking a fundraiser is in order. Immediately. That, or I just don’t go again until fall. I’m certainly not going to wish for cooler weather.

Thanks for stopping by!

Some Things I Learned At My Dharma Lesson

Cyndi — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 11:53:39 +0000

“To dwell in the here and now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibly plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about the past or the future. If you are firmly grounded in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness and concentration. you can attain many insights by looking into the past. But you are still grounded in the present moment.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around everything we discussed at my impromptu Dharma lesson, and what I have subsequently read in the book they gave me that night. Some of the Buddha’s lessons are difficult for my western mind to grasp.

One thing that I was able to confirm was that the stories in the Sutras are, in fact, believed to be true and 100% accurate, not metaphorical lessons. The Dharma that we were told sat in a cave meditating for nine years, with no food or water….absolutely true. This was not a metaphor for the underlying lesson. Buddhists believe it. I was skeptical and they did have an explanation. He was in such a meditative state that his bodily functions actually slowed down, to the point that he required nothing, almost as if in a coma. They also pointed out that no one witnessed him eating or drinking anything, no one was regularly providing him with any sort of nourishment, but conceded it was possible that people were sneaking him food here and there and he may have eaten without anyone reporting it.

Buddhists believe that Jesus was actually in a similar meditative state when he was crucified. Apparently, in the bible, there is a period of ten years where Jesus was missing. I didn’t know about that. Buddhists believe that during those ten years he was in India studying meditation. They believe that he didn’t actually die on the cross but was in such a meditative state that he felt no pain and his heart rate had slowed down to the point that no pulse could be detected. Three days later he came out of his meditative state and apparently rose from the dead.

There is no bible in Buddhism, just thousands of Sutras (Buddha’s teachings) that no one could possible get through in one lifetime. Buddha is not a god. He was a wise man who uncovered all of the truths that the religion is based on, many of which are scientific and psychological in nature. He is thanked for his teachings and even prayed to but has no god-like powers and did not create man.

Karma is the idea that what goes around comes around, in thoughts, intentions and in actions. Bad Karma may come back to you in this lifetime or in another. Bad Karma that comes back to you in this lifetime could be due to something you did as a child or something you did four lifetimes ago. People with a lot of bad Karma can come back in the next life as a lessor being, such as an animal, or in a much less fortunate situation, such as poverty in a third world country.

Buddhists believe that dreams are actually recollections of past lives, particularly recurring dreams. Our translator told a story about a dream she has had her whole life. In her dream, she and her cousin fall into a river and drown. She only has this dream when she is sick and when she wakes up, it feels very real. After all these years, she finally mentioned the dream to her cousin who said that now he finally knows why he’s always had such an irrational fear of water. They believe that in a previous life, they drowned.

It’s all fascinating to me and I can’t wait to learn more.

Thanks for stopping by!

Skipping Class Sometimes Is Good

Cyndi — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 03:40:43 +0000

“The karmic philosophy appeals to me on a metaphorical level because even in one’s lifetime it’s obvious how often we must repeat our same mistakes, banging our heads against the same ole addictions and compulsions, generating the same old miserable and often catastrophic consequences, until we can finally stop and fix it. This is the supreme lesson of karma (and also of western psychology, by the way)- take care of the problem now, or else you’ll just have to suffer again later when you screw everything up the next time. And that repetition of suffering-that’s hell. Moving out of that endless repetition to a new level of understanding-there’s where you’ll find heaven.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

Being the slacker that I am, I missed meditation class last time. I felt bad about it at the time. I didn’t feel guilty or as if I were letting anyone else down. I felt bad about it because it’s something I enjoy doing and I let my crankiness and exhaustion that day keep me from doing something I enjoy and that probably would have led to me feeling less cranky and exhausted. I let myself down.

As always seems to be the case, particularly where my interest in Buddhism and meditation are concerned, it all worked out. Everything happens for a reason. Yes, I know that’s a cliche. Nevertheless, it turned out to be good that I didn’t go to the last meditation class.

I arrived for tonight’s class and there were only three cars in the parking lot. I figured class must have been canceled but went in to find out anyway. Class was canceled because the Venerable who normally leads our class is out of town. This information was passed along to everyone who got their lazy butts to class last time. Since I wasn’t there, I didn’t know that. There was one other person who missed class last time. There was another Venerable at the temple tonight so she graciously offered to just have an intimate discussion with the two of us about Buddhism and answer any burning questions we had, so that our trip wouldn’t be a waste of time. How sweet is that?!

So, the two of us got our own personal Dharma lesson. We talked about karma, reincarnation, heaven, hell, auras, chakras, Buddha, Sutras, meditation, enlightenment, history, past-life regression, Jesus’s connection to Buddhism, desire, suffering, dreams and many other topics. We talked for over an hour and a half. It was great and I learned so much. We even got this book with homework (yay-I love reading and homework!).

Who says skipping class is all bad?

Thanks for stopping by!

Got My Groove Back

Cyndi — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:01:16 +0000

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” — Carl Jung

How could I possibly resist a Jung quote?!

After the debacle that was my last meditation class I wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about going tonight. In fact, hubby has been working a lot of overtime lately and I told him if he needed to work late tonight, it was no big deal for me to miss class. My sister decided not to go. I was tired. I had a lot to do here at home. I had a pretty crazy day at work. I had all sorts of excuses not to go. I went anyway. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s good for me. I was hoping last week was an anomaly. I was right.

I’m not sure what reaching Nirvana feels like or even how you’re “supposed” to feel when you are meditating. All I really know is that the idea is to completely empty your mind and attain a feeling of relaxation. I’ve taken this to mean that in meditation, you are to just….be.

With the last class being the one exception, I have always left class feeling relaxed. Tonight, though, was an entirely different level of relaxation than I have ever experienced before.

I won’t go through the entire routine of this class again. If you’re so inclined, you can read about that here.

During the seated portion of class, the part that most people usually think of when they hear about meditation, we are sitting in the lotus position on padded wooden benches. Our backs are straight. We cannot lean against the wall. This is not the most comfortable position to be in. When I think of comfortable, I think of lying on my soft warm couch. Losing feeling in my entire right leg, which happens every time, is not so comfortable either.

Despite all of this, I managed to get to a place I’d never been before. I don’t remember counting breaths. I don’t remember feeling that old familiar tingling sensation in my right leg right before it goes completely dead. I’ve never timed it but I believe this portion of the class lasts about a half hour. Tonight, it felt like a few seconds.

In this uncomfortable position, I actually nodded off several times. I know this only because I remember my head snapping up, you know what I mean, when you start to fall asleep in a seated position but wake up when your head starts to drop. The weird thing is that this waking up didn’t snap me out of my relaxed state. I never opened my eyes or even felt inclined to do so. I thought of nothing at all the entire time (so unlike me!). I didn’t feel my right leg fall asleep and I’m still not sure if it did.

I left class both relaxed and invigorated. A memory popped into my head on my way home that is related to a previous post but that did not come to mind when I was writing that post. It was a minor revelation of sorts. It was always there but hidden. Now it’s in my conscious and connects some dots for me.

Maybe I was so relaxed and had a moment of clarity because I basically took a half hour nap. Or maybe it’s because I finally got it right.

Thanks for stopping by!

Buddha We Have A Problem

Cyndi — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 00:49:11 +0000

“The ending of sorrow is the beginning of wisdom. Knowledge is always within the shadow of ignorance. Meditation is freedom from thought and a movement in the ecstasy of truth. Meditation is explosion of intelligence.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

Last night I returned to meditation class after three weeks off. They run the class like any other class, in that there are terms. Three weeks ago was the end of the first term so last night was the beginning of the second term. As is true at the beginning of any new term in any type of class, there were lots of newcomers. It was a lot more crowded than before and as many of the newcomers had no idea what was going on, there was more instruction on how to do things and less time for some of the beginning exercises.

I wasn’t in the best frame of mind going in. I had a moderately bad day due to being tired, crappy weather, a hectic evening and a fairly emotional (but good) discussion with hubby about several different issues going on in our lives right now. I was, however, looking forward to class and the relaxation that it always brings.

I wasn’t concerned about the larger class size and all the newcomers until we got to the walking meditation portion of the class. This is still my least favorite part of class and this time it was made worse by having to walk outside in the parking lot right off of a busy, noisy, major road. There were also two grown women giggling uncontrollably through the entire first half of the walking meditation. Now my BFFs and I have been know to behave like morons from time to time, don’t get me wrong. But really, in a meditation class? It was annoying. The whole point is to be silent and focus on the steady rhythm of the walking. That was completely blown for me due to the traffic and giggling.

During my favorite and normally most relaxing part of the class, where we sit in the lotus position in complete silence counting our breaths, the cell phone of the woman directly behind me kept on vibrating. My right leg fell asleep again. I couldn’t concentrate to save my life. Monkey mind had returned with a vengeance. As we had before, we were to count our breaths, up to ten, and then start over at one. Over and over again. We aren’t supposed to go past ten. This is in an effort to keep you focused. Sometimes you accidentally let your mind wander and go past ten. That’s ok, you’re just supposed to refocus and start over at one again. At one point I counted all the way to sixty-one before realizing my mind was wandering! I just wasn’t feeling it last night.

At the very end, the instructor of the class told this story about Bodi Dharma. I’m not sure if it was because I was cranky over the feeling that I had been doing it wrong last night or if the story is just too far fetched for me to wrap my cynical brain around, but I couldn’t wait for the story to end so we could go home. This is not usual. I normally love listening to the little lessons at the end of class. Of course, they had never been this long or this unrealistic sounding before either.

This brings up a question I’d love the answer to. I’ve only recently begun meditation class. I’ve read a little about Buddhism. I’ve liked everything about it up until this point. My question, to anyone who knows more about this subject than I, is; are stories like this to be taken literally? Do Buddhists truly believe that these unbelievable events actually occurred or are they more like fables, with the lesson being real but the details embellished for effect?

Thanks for stopping by!

So Much More Than A Mom » Spirituality

A Profound Analysis Of Facebook Status Updates

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Is Anything A Coincidence

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

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I Don’t Know What I Don’t Know

“A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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My First Official Dharma Lesson

“Practicing gratitude is like going green on the inside.” -Venerable Manpou

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Wishful Thinking

“I write because I still believe that words have magic, that they can change things, like the Medicine Man who gives my friend a Cree name to treat her cancer because the herbs he’s prescribing wouldn’t recognize her without it.” — Lorna Crozier

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Someone Could Have Mentioned That Meditation Was A Winter Sport

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” — George Carlin

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Some Things I Learned At My Dharma Lesson

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Skipping Class Sometimes Is Good

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Got My Groove Back

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” — Carl Jung

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Buddha We Have A Problem

“The ending of sorrow is the beginning of wisdom. Knowledge is always within the shadow of ignorance. Meditation is freedom from thought and a movement in the ecstasy of truth. Meditation is explosion of intelligence.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

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