Hi. My name is Cyndi and I have a problem. Facebook. To be honest I also have problems with twitter, e-mail, texting, google reader and multiple other online distractions, not to mention multiple offline addictions. Don’t judge.

I’ve seen the following canned (Who writes these things anyway?  Is there some sweatshop somewhere?) Facebook status update a few times over the past several weeks:

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! Press 1 for English. Press 2 to disconnect until you learn to speak English. And remember— only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, JESUS CHRIST and the AMERICAN SOLIDER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. If you agree… copy and paste in your status

 This one doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t understand what the first *ahem* sentiment has to do with the second. So, I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when someone I know well posted this as her status. She has been my go-to person for all questions related to Christianity for years. I felt comfortable that asking her about it would not offend her as she is aware that I am a heathen and therefore prone to asking the tough questions, which I did:

I don’t understand this…would Jesus disconnect anyone who doesn’t speak English?

 I admittedly do not know everything there is to know much at all about Christianity or organized religion in general. I am pretty sure I’ve got the basics of Christianity down. I know for certain that one of the more common Christian ideologies is, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” [Matthew 7:12]. (You’re impressed that I knew the book and verse aren’t you? I love The Internets.) The good old golden rule.

Is it really that offensive to be offered the option of pressing “2″?  And if so, why? If I were in a foreign country and I had to contact some wretched call center for any reason I would be delighted to have the option (even if it was #7 or #212) to reach someone who speaks English. Do unto others, right? Isn’t the truly offensive action in this scenario the fact that you have to contact a call center at all? I’m fairly certain that the concept of the call center originated in hell and that Jesus does not like them anymore than we do. We all know as soon as we dial the number that we will be placed into that dreaded loop of options, excessive hold times and finally will be transferred to someone in another country who will tell us in English that whatever we are asking for is not going to happen and we are just screwed, thankyouverymuch.

My personal favorite canned Facebook update makes much more sense to me. In fact I think whoever came up with it should win some sort of online Facebook-status-writing award or something. It’s as if whoever penned this sentiment somehow knows me and was able to express, much better than I ever could, what I truly feel in my heart and soul:

Please put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who is an idiot. Idiots affect the lives of everyone. There is still no known cure for stupidity, but we can raise awareness …… 93% wont Copy and Paste this, many because they’re too stupid to know how to copy and paste. Will YOU make this your status for at least one hour?

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I finally made it to an official Dharma Lesson at the Temple where I’ve been going with my sister for meditation classes.  While my first Dharma lesson was great because it was spontaneous and very intimate, this one was even better because there was some structure.  Each month, we discuss specific topics in order to understand Buddhism, which is extremely complicated (at least for me).

Tonight we discussed Dependent Origination and the wheel of life.

We also discussed the five precepts:

1. To refrain from taking life (non-violence towards sentient life forms)
2. To refrain from taking that which is not given (not committing theft)
3. To refrain from sensual (including sexual) misconduct
4. To refrain from lying (speaking truth always)
5. To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness (specifically, drugs and alcohol)

Yikes.  I’m going to have a problem with #1.  No, I’m not a serial killer.  When Buddhists refer to sentient life forms they are talking about animals too.  Like steak cows.  I like steak and burgers and hot dogs, bacon, brats, chicken, fish, shrimp, etc.  #5 is also going to be problematic for me.  I like to drink a few beers socially.  I have been known to over-indulge from time to time as well.  I like beer.  Am I sounding like Homer Simpson?

Anyway, they gave me an “out”.  Baby steps.  As long as you attempt to refrain from these five things, it’s all good.  Any improvement is progress.  As an example, they suggested that carnivores start off eating only vegetables one day during a month, then two days, then three….you get the idea.

I did get an answer to my question.  Yes, they do believe that children born into abusive families had a lot of bad Karma in their previous life.  They did make a distinction between the parent who takes out his/her anger about other things on their children vs. parents who simply cannot control their tempers when they are angered by things the children actually do.  I didn’t understand why this distinction was pointed out.  Maybe it will come to me later.  Maybe I’ll ask next month.  Maybe one of you has some idea?

Thanks for stopping by!

My sister and I went to meditation class last night.  Two other women in my life were considering going too after reading about my experiences.  It turned out that neither could make it.  I was disappointed at first.  Don’t I get extra Karma points for “recruiting”?

This has been a mild summer here in Chicagoland.  Normally at this time of year it’s unbearably hot and humid out almost every day.  This year, it’s been pretty cool.  There was a week where the temps were in the 90′s earlier in the summer but lately…not so much.  This week it’s finally been hotter, in the 80′s.

I love summer.  I don’t even mind the unbearable heat and humidity as long as I’m outside at a pool soaking up some rays or at a barbecue or fest.  Most of the year, the temps are well below 40 so summer is a big deal around here.  But I can’t stand being hot and sweaty indoors.  It’s gross and uncomfortable.

Because it’s been so unseasonably cool so far this summer (which is almost over by the way and I’m not happy about this at all), there was something that I never noticed about the temple where meditation class is held.  THERE IS NO AIR CONDITIONING.

It was like a freakin’ oven in there.  The temple is an old converted barn with high ceilings.  There are ceiling fans but they are about 15 feet up.  For reasons that I do not understand, the front doors were not open either.  It was actually pretty breezy out last night and I’m sure some air coming in would have helped.

Did I mention that during the actual sitting meditation period, we also have to cover our legs with a heavy towel?  Something about protecting the knees.  We were all sitting there sweating in places a person should not sweat for the entire meditation.  That made it difficult to think about anything but getting the hell out of there.

I still did ok, considering the inhumane conditions.  I managed to stay pretty focused for most of the time.  But, by the final 10 minutes, I kept opening my eyes to check the clock.  I felt somewhat relaxed afterwards, but mostly just happy to get outside.   I was so happy that the two women I know weren’t able to make it.  If they are anything like me, they may not have enjoyed the sauna-like heat and had a bad first visit.

I’m thinking a fundraiser is in order.  Immediately.  That, or I just don’t go again until fall.  I’m certainly not going to wish for cooler weather.

Thanks for stopping by!

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around everything we discussed at my impromptu Dharma lesson, and what I have subsequently read in the book they gave me that night.  Some of the Buddha’s lessons are difficult for my western mind to grasp.

One thing that I was able to confirm was that the stories in the Sutras are, in fact, believed to be true and 100% accurate, not metaphorical lessons.  The Dharma that we were told sat in a cave meditating for nine years, with no food or water….absolutely true.  This was not a metaphor for the underlying lesson.  Buddhists believe it.  I was skeptical and they did have an explanation.  He was in such a meditative state that his bodily functions actually slowed down, to the point that he required nothing, almost as if in a coma.  They also pointed out that no one witnessed him eating or drinking anything, no one was regularly providing him with any sort of nourishment, but conceded it was possible that people were sneaking him food here and there and he may have eaten without anyone reporting it.

Buddhists believe that Jesus was actually in a similar meditative state when he was crucified.  Apparently, in the bible, there is a period of ten years where Jesus was missing.  I didn’t know about that.  Buddhists believe that during those ten years he was in India studying meditation.  They believe that he didn’t actually die on the cross but was in such a meditative state that he felt no pain and his heart rate had slowed down to the point that no pulse could be detected.  Three days later he came out of his meditative state and apparently rose from the dead.

There is no bible in Buddhism, just thousands of Sutras (Buddha’s teachings) that no one could possible get through in one lifetime.  Buddha is not a god.  He was a wise man who uncovered all of the truths that the religion is based on, many of which are scientific and psychological in nature.  He is thanked for his teachings and even prayed to but has no god-like powers and did not create man.

Karma is the idea that what goes around comes around, in thoughts, intentions and in actions.  Bad Karma may come back to you in this lifetime or in another.  Bad Karma that comes back to you in this lifetime could be due to something you did as a child or something you did four lifetimes ago.  People with a lot of bad Karma can come back in the next life as a lessor being, such as an animal, or in a much less fortunate situation, such as poverty in a third world country.

Buddhists believe that dreams are actually recollections of past lives, particularly recurring dreams.  Our translator told a story about a dream she has had her whole life.  In her dream, she and her cousin fall into a river and drown.  She only has this dream when she is sick and when she wakes up, it feels very real.  After all these years, she finally mentioned the dream to her cousin who said that now he finally knows why he’s always had such an irrational fear of water.  They believe that in a previous life, they drowned.

It’s all fascinating to me and I can’t wait to learn more.

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Being the slacker that I am, I missed meditation class last time.  I felt bad about it at the time.  I didn’t feel guilty or as if I were letting anyone else down.  I felt bad about it because it’s something I enjoy doing and I let my crankiness and exhaustion that day keep me from doing something I enjoy and that probably would have led to me feeling less cranky and exhausted.  I let myself down.

As always seems to be the case, particularly where my interest in Buddhism and meditation are concerned, it all worked out.  Everything happens for a reason.  Yes, I know that’s a cliche.  Nevertheless, it turned out to be good that I didn’t go to the last meditation class.

I arrived for tonight’s class and there were only three cars in the parking lot.  I figured class must have been canceled but went in to find out anyway.  Class was canceled because the Venerable who normally leads our class is out of town.  This information was passed along to everyone who got their lazy butts to class last time.  Since I wasn’t there, I didn’t know that.  There was one other person who missed class last time.  There was another Venerable at the temple tonight so she graciously offered to just have an intimate discussion with the two of us about Buddhism and answer any burning questions we had, so that our trip wouldn’t be a waste of time.  How sweet is that?!

So, the two of us got our own personal Dharma lesson.  We talked about karma, reincarnation, heaven, hell, auras, chakras, Buddha, Sutras, meditation, enlightenment, history, past-life regression, Jesus’s connection to Buddhism, desire, suffering, dreams and many other topics.  We talked for over an hour and a half.  It was great and I learned so much.  We even got this book with homework (yay-I love reading and homework!). 

Who says skipping class is all bad?

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How could I possibly resist a Jung quote?!

After the debacle that was my last meditation class I wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about going tonight.  In fact, hubby has been working a lot of overtime lately and I told him if he needed to work late tonight, it was no big deal for me to miss class.  My sister decided not to go.  I was tired.  I had a lot to do here at home.  I had a pretty crazy day at work.  I had all sorts of excuses not to go.  I went anyway.  I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s good for me.  I was hoping last week was an anomaly.  I was right.

I’m not sure what reaching Nirvana feels like or even how you’re “supposed” to feel when you are meditating.  All I really know is that the idea is to completely empty your mind and attain a feeling of relaxation.  I’ve taken this to mean that in meditation, you are to just….be.

With the last class being the one exception, I have always left class feeling relaxed.  Tonight, though, was an entirely different level of relaxation than I have ever experienced before.

I won’t go through the entire routine of this class again.  If you’re so inclined, you can read about that here.

During the seated portion of class, the part that most people usually think of when they hear about meditation, we are sitting in the lotus position on padded wooden benches.  Our backs are straight.  We cannot lean against the wall.  This is not the most comfortable position to be in.  When I think of comfortable, I think of lying on my soft warm couch.  Losing feeling in my entire right leg, which happens every time, is not so comfortable either.

Despite all of this, I managed to get to a place I’d never been before.  I don’t remember counting breaths.  I don’t remember feeling that old familiar tingling sensation in my right leg right before it goes completely dead.  I’ve never timed it but I believe this portion of the class lasts about a half hour.  Tonight, it felt like a few seconds.

In this uncomfortable position, I actually nodded off several times.  I know this only because I remember my head snapping up, you know what I mean, when you start to fall asleep in a seated position but wake up when your head starts to drop.  The weird thing is that this waking up didn’t snap me out of my relaxed state.  I never opened my eyes or even felt inclined to do so.  I thought of nothing at all the entire time (so unlike me!).  I didn’t feel my right leg fall asleep and I’m still not sure if it did.

I left class both relaxed and invigorated.  A memory popped into my head on my way home that is related to a previous post but that did not come to mind when I was writing that post.  It was a minor revelation of sorts.  It was always there but hidden.  Now it’s in my conscious and connects some dots for me.

Maybe I was so relaxed and had a moment of clarity because I basically took a half hour nap.  Or maybe it’s because I finally got it right.

Thanks for stopping by!

Last night I returned to meditation class after three weeks off.  They run the class like any other class, in that there are terms.  Three weeks ago was the end of the first term so last night was the beginning of the second term.  As is true at the beginning of any new term in any type of class, there were lots of newcomers.  It was a lot more crowded than before and as many of the newcomers had no idea what was going on, there was more instruction on how to do things and less time for some of the beginning exercises. 

I wasn’t in the best frame of mind going in.  I had a moderately bad day due to being tired, crappy weather, a hectic evening and a fairly emotional (but good) discussion with hubby about several different issues going on in our lives right now.  I was, however, looking forward to class and the relaxation that it always brings.

I wasn’t concerned about the larger class size and all the newcomers until we got to the walking meditation portion of the class.   This is still my least favorite part of class and this time it was made worse by having to walk outside in the parking lot right off of a busy, noisy, major road.  There were also two grown women giggling uncontrollably through the entire first half of the walking meditation.  Now my BFFs and I have been know to behave like morons from time to time, don’t get me wrong.  But really, in a meditation class?  It was annoying.  The whole point is to be silent and focus on the steady rhythm of the walking.  That was completely blown for me due to the traffic and giggling. 

During my favorite and normally most relaxing part of the class, where we sit in the lotus position in complete silence counting our breaths, the cell phone of the woman directly behind me kept on vibrating.  My right leg fell asleep again.  I couldn’t concentrate to save my life.  Monkey mind had returned with a vengeance.  As we had before, we were to count our breaths, up to ten, and then start over at one.  Over and over again.  We aren’t supposed to go past ten.  This is in an effort to keep you focused.  Sometimes you accidentally let your mind wander and go past ten.  That’s ok, you’re just supposed to refocus and start over at one again.  At one point I counted all the way to sixty-one before realizing my mind was wandering!  I just wasn’t feeling it last night.

At the very end, the instructor of the class told this story about Bodi Dharma.  I’m not sure if it was because I was cranky over the feeling that I had been doing it wrong last night or if the story is just too far fetched for me to wrap my cynical brain around, but I couldn’t wait for the story to end so we could go home.  This is not usual.  I normally love listening to the little lessons at the end of class.  Of course, they had never been this long or this unrealistic sounding before either. 

This brings up a question I’d love the answer to.  I’ve only recently begun meditation class.  I’ve read a little about Buddhism.  I’ve liked everything about it up until this point.  My question, to anyone who knows more about this subject than I, is;  are stories like this to be taken literally?  Do Buddhists truly believe that these unbelievable events actually occurred or are they more like fables, with the lesson being real but the details embellished for effect?

Thanks for stopping by!

— Pema Chödrön

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Studying psychology and Buddhism, I know this quote to be true.  I heard it put another way by a Psychologist I know, “Your insides must match your outsides.”.

If I’m interpreting this correctly, this means that in order to be truly happy, I must do what I love and say what I mean.  Easier said than done.

This idea of my insides matching my outsides came back to me today after a Reiki massage.  This is the fourth one I’ve had with the same person.  She has consistently told me that I have negativity that isn’t mine that she has to sweep away.  She has consistently told me that there are things I need to say that I’m not saying.  She has consistently told me that I don’t feel connected to the universe and am searching for something.

I don’t know if I believe in this or not.  Chakras, Reiki, healing work, etc.  I’ll admit it sounds mystical and/or psychic.  A little “out there”.  I go because it’s relaxing and maybe, just maybe, there is something to it.

Let’s say there is something to it.  What she’s telling me does match up with Gandhi’s quote and what I’ve learned about psychology.  So, what’s my problem?  I’m 39 years old and still don’t know my insides well enough to be able to determine if they match my outsides most of the time. 

I’ve faked it.  I’ve even convinced myself sometimes.  I’ve gotten by.  I’ve sucked it up.  I’ve pretended.  I’ve done what I thought others thought I should do.  But true happiness?  It has been fleeting, at best. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments.  I was happy for about an hour today during the Reiki massage hubby treated me to.  I was happy most of yesterday hanging out in the backyard with my kids.  I was happy for the majority of my trip to Carolina Beach last year.  I’m happy that hubby is coming home today from his weekend in Indy.  I can appreciate the little things in this life that bring pure joy and I can appreciate the people I love.  I also know that I’m pretty damn lucky and am thankful for what I do have, the problems that I don’t have and the people that are in my life.

I know this dark and depressive state is a temporary one.  I know that it has a lot to do with some major changes going on in my life right now and in particular, the lack of control that I have over them.  Still.  In all honesty, I can’t remember the last time, or if there even ever was a time, when I felt genuinely happy with my life overall for any significant length of time.

I’m working on this.  I try to maintain a positive attitude.  Then I wonder if trying to maintain a positive attitude, especially when I’m not feeling particularly positive, is just me faking it again.  My insides not matching my outsides.  Sometimes I think I expect too much or think too much.  Then I remember what it felt like when I was in complete denial, never giving any thought to any of this and I don’t ever want to go back there again either. 

For now, I guess I’ll just remind myself to find happiness in the little things, keep searching for more and ride out the dark days knowing that they do pass.

Thanks for stopping by!

I was at meditation class earlier this week and noticed something that struck me as extremely odd and disturbing.  Three of the Buddha statues had swastikas on their chests!  They looked something like this…

Being the unenlightened heathen that I am, I have always associated this symbol with Nazi Germany.  As I pondered the question of why this symbol was in a Buddhist temple, I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into.  I want no part of any Nazis!

I have since found out that it is, in fact, an ancient symbol of harmony that was adopted by the Nazis and now represents evil to most Westerners. 

Also known as a “yung drung” in ancient Tibet, it was a graphical representation of eternity[2][3]. Today the symbol is used in Buddhist art and scripture, known in Japanese as a manji (literally, “the character for eternality” ??), and represents Dharma, universal harmony, and the balance of opposites. When facing left, it is the omote (front) manji, representing love and mercy. Facing right, it represents strength and intelligence, and is called the ura (rear) manji. Balanced manji are often found at the beginning and end of Buddhist scriptures (outside India).

Buddhism originated in the Indian subcontinent in the 5th century BC and inherited the manji. These two symbols are included, at least since the Liao Dynasty, as part of the Chinese language, the symbolic sign for the character ? or ? (wàn in Mandarin, man in Korean, Cantonese and Japanese, v?n in Vietnamese) meaning “all” or “eternality” (lit. myriad) and as ?, which is seldom used. A manji marks the beginning of many Buddhist scriptures. The manji (in either orientation) appears on the chest of some statues of Gautama Buddha and is often incised on the soles of the feet of the Buddha in statuary. Because of the association of the right-facing swastika with Nazism, Buddhist manji (outside India only) after the mid-20th century are almost universally left-facing: ?. This form of the manji is often found on Chinese food packaging to signify that the product is vegetarian and can be consumed by strict Buddhists. It is often sewn into the collars of Chinese children’s clothing to protect them from evil spirits.

In 1922, the Chinese Syncretist movement Daoyuan founded the philanthropic association Red Swastika Society in imitation of the Red Cross. The association was very active in China during the 1920s and the 1930s.One can see swastika on Pillars of Ashoka where swastika is a symbol of cosmic dance around a fixed center and guards against evil . – Wikipedia

It’s even illegal in Germany today…

Though once commonly used all over much of the world without stigma, because of its iconic usage in Nazi Germany the symbol has become stigmatized in the Western world, notably even outlawed in Germany. - Wikipedia

Good to know that I have not aligned myself with any sort of evil supremacist organization.  This was just one, of many, concepts that I needed to remove.

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