So Much More Than A Mom » Public Schools

Maybe I Will Survive Middle School

Cyndi — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:45:39 +0000

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” – Anne Frank

My 11 year old son has only been in middle school for a little over a month and has already learned about sex education, dealt with a bully, received his first phone call from a girl, gone to his first dance and now….accelerated math.

Hubby and I have no idea where his math aptitude comes from. We’re both secretly considering DNA testing. I’m pretty sure he’s mine though, because he is both organizationally and directionally challenged just like me. He resembles hubby in the looks department so we’re pretty sure he’s his too. This math thing has us both amazed and proud.

Yesterday his math homework involved finding the least common multiplier amongst groups of 4 numbers. He asked me for help! When I first read the instructions, I swear they said this; “@#$%&!”. After some clarification from my 11 year old, it came back to me. For the most part. We struggled a bit but got through it. This is only 7th grade level math people. I’m so screwed.

There is hope.

In addition to the excessively difficult homework, we also received this lovely card from his math teacher that I will keep forever:

I Appreciate Your Efforts At Home

Your son was rewarded with a sticker today because he showed great character and honesty today in math class. We were doing a very difficult problem and the class was stumped on the answer. One young man worked really hard to get the answer and shared it with your son and his math partner. Instead of just taking the answer without doing the work, your son and his partner erased the answer. I was very proud of both boys because they showed good character.

It doesn’t get much better than this. She’s proud?! I couldn’t be more so.

Thanks for stopping by!

Bullies, Public Nudity & Conformity

Cyndi — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:05:29 +0000

“I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.” – Diary of a Wimpy Kid

I’ll bet when you first saw the title of this blog post you thought I was going to be writing about Corporate America or Congress or my weekend, right? Nope. Even worse. Middle School. And Bullies. Has anyone in the history of the world ever looked back on these awkward, painful and embarrassing years and wished they could go back? I didn’t think so. Unless they wished to go back to finally stand up to a bully or two.

As I mentioned here, one of these future criminals punched my oldest son in the arm on the bus on his way home from his 2nd day of middle school. I now have 11 years of experience as a parent and I feel I’m on solid ground here when I say that something must be terribly wrong at the homes of these derelicts. I’ve met all sorts of children and parents and time and again I see that the children who misbehave most often and most severely are children whose parents are either too busy to be bothered, encourage aggressive behavior, abusive or simply set no boundaries out of ignorance.

I’m not in any way suggesting that my children are angels or that I am a perfect parent. Far from it. My kids do get into trouble and I do make mistakes. In this specific situation what I’m talking about is a fundamental lack of respect for other people combined with an overwhelming need to feel physically superior to those same people. There is something seriously wrong with a child that even considers punching an innocent by-stander for no apparent reason, let alone actually does it.

Following that logic, children who are raised with manners and who respect others, will always have a difficult time standing up to a bully. It’s not because they are wimpy. It’s because this behavior is actually bizarre and completely foreign. It’s no less bizarre than if someone were to stand up in the middle of a business meeting, jump up on the conference table and strip naked. If you were sitting in that meeting, what would you do? Nothing. You’d be too shocked. Of course, if it went on for any length of time you may call 911, start laughing, try to talk your nude co-worker down or at least cover him up. But, in those first few seconds, you’d be too stunned to take action. You may even feel a little bit afraid. Your adrenaline would start pumping and you’d look around the room in an attempt to make sense of this situation. And you’re a mature adult whose physical safety is not in immediate jeopardy, not a pre-pubescent child who is being attacked.

Bullying is not a matter of, “boys will be boys”. By the time boys reach middle school they have developed the mental capacity for sufficient impulse control. The fact that the impulse in question is unprovoked violence is seriously disturbing. Boys will play-fight, wrestle, and tackle their friends. That is not the same as randomly punching younger, smaller boys that they don’t even know and deriving some twisted pleasure from it.

It’s also not a normal rite of passage. Just because we all had to deal with bullies on our own when we were growing up does not make it acceptable. When our parents (or grandparents) were growing up, they thought segregation was normal and unobjectionable because that’s how it had always been. The argument that anything is acceptable simply because it has been ignored or allowed to continue for many years is nonsense.

The overall culture in middle school is conformity at all costs. The one exception to this rule is bullies. Bullies are extremely different. They are the ones leading the other kids in ridiculing others. When it comes down to being picked on or being on the side of the person who is doing the picking, even the most well-behaved kids (probably especially the most well-behaved kids) will not put themselves on the line to stand up to one of these little tormentors. We, as a society, have been allowing bullies to control the atmosphere in which our children spend their days for generations.

The real question then becomes: We don’t abuse our children so why do we continue to allow other kids to do so?

Thanks for stopping by!

Bullies On The Bus

Cyndi — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 11:34:13 +0000

“I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.” – Sixteen Candles

Some little asshole 8th grader punched my 6th grader in the arm on the bus yesterday. I have a lot to say on this topic but right now I just want to go all Rebecca-DeMornay-in-The-Hand-That-Rocks-The-Cradle on this kid. Unfortunately, I can’t find a video clip of that specific scene from the movie to put up here. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, she is a psycho nanny and threatens to rip some kids f-ing head off on the playground for doing something to the kid she watches. Probably not the best idea for me but it’s a fun little fantasy.

Thanks for stopping by!

I Was Not Prepared For These Questions

Cyndi — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:27:59 +0000

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen

My ten year old son is learning about puberty and sex education in school. I knew it was coming. There were several memos and permission slips sent home. He was dreading it. He felt embarrassed about it. Hubby and I did our best to reassure him that everyone else is nervous and embarrassed about it and that it’s all perfectly natural.

He already knew where babies come from because he had asked some questions when he was younger and we had gotten him an age-appropriate book and answered his questions then. However, he’s now learning about it all. The details and mechanics of puberty and sex in both males and females. The proverbial cat is out of the bag.

He has an inquiring mind. These lessons at school are producing more and more questions every day. Since we have been open with him, told him there is nothing to be ashamed of, and encouraged communication on this subject, he’s been asking away.

I try not to giggle or be uncomfortable but it has been pretty comical, to say the least.

Last week he let me know that the average menstrual cycle is 28 days but that it can vary from woman to woman. He then asked how long my cycle was! I answered his question and he proceeded to inform me that my reproductive system will start to slow down around age 44. I thanked him for the info and then went into another room to crack up.

After school yesterday he asked me if we had elected to have the surgery done on him that some baby boys get on their penis. He couldn’t remember what it was called or what is was for. I explained circumcision and that yes, he had been circumcised.

Last night, at the dinner table mind you, out of nowhere (that’s how he rolls, his mind goes a mile a minute and you never know when some factoid or question is going to come out of left field) he asks his father at what age he first started having wet dreams. I almost choked on my enchilada (no pun intended). His father answered him and he seemed to be done with questions. The kicker? His eight year old brother then wanted to know what a wet dream was. I’ve finally gotten them to stop burping at the dinner table and now this. These boys are going to be the death of me.

Thanks for stopping by!

Out There On Their Own

Cyndi — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:29:52 +0000

“I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying, doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn’t.”
— Stephen Chbosky

My youngest son is home sick from school today. Probably strep. We’re going to the doctor later this morning. His older brother wanted to stay home too, just because. I sent him to school anyway since he’s not sick, but I could tell they were both a little sad about being separated today.

This brings up something that I have been thinking about recently anyway. My boys are two years apart in age. They are best buds. Of course they argue, but for the most part, when they are out in the world, they share some of the same friends and look out for each other. I like that they have each other. My sister and I are eight years apart, and although we are friends today, we weren’t as children. It was almost like we were each only-children in a way.

My youngest son’s birthday is in October, so even though he’s only two years younger than his brother, he’s three years behind him in school. The cutoff for starting kindergarten is September 1st. If your birthday is after that, you have to wait until the next year to start school. There are ways around this rule but they involve significant testing, including psychological testing. I briefly considered it anyway, because I really wanted them to be in school together longer than they would be if they were three grades apart. In the end, he wasn’t emotionally ready for kindergarten the year he turned five. He needed a year of preschool first. So, I didn’t subject him to the testing and accepted the fact that they would be three grades apart.

Next year, my oldest son will be in sixth grade…middle school. When I was that age, it was called Jr. High and was only seventh and eighth grades. Now, it’s sixth, seventh and eighth. I remember Jr. High as the most painful two years of my childhood. It was awful. I hope that’s not how it is for my sons, and I wish they could have each other to help them through it if it is.

They won’t be in the same school together again until my youngest son is a freshman and my oldest is a senior. I’m sure by then, they will have grown apart some. What senior wants to hang out with a freshman? Even if they are still as close as they are now, that’s only one year together. After that, off to college, their own lives and who knows what their relationship will end up being like.

This all makes me profoundly sad, and a little frightened for them. I want them to stay close to each other. I want them to stick together and look out for each other. I don’t want them to have to face anything alone. Honestly, I don’t want them to grow up and I want to protect them from….everything.

There’s no way to avoid it. I just have to send them out there on their own like every other parent. I hope they do ok. I hope I do too.

Thanks for stopping by!

Teacher's Institute Days, Really?!

Cyndi — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:29:20 +0000

“It was like when you’re a little kid and you run into your teacher or librarian at the grocery store or Wal-mart and it’s just so startling, because it never occurred to you they existed outside of school.” — Sarah Dessen

What are teacher’s institute days, really? I ask because there are a lot of them. I ask because they frequently seem to coincide with holidays. I ask because when I drive past the school on these days, there aren’t any cars in the parking lot. I’m even going to go out on an unpopular limb here and suggest that teachers actually seem to spend more time away from school than they do in it. I don’t think there is ever a month during the school year in which school is actually in session every weekday. There is Christmas break, spring break, every single random holiday, snow days (seriously?!) and the big one, summer break. Then there are these mysterious institute days. On top of that, they do get some sort of personal time/vacation time/sick time, because my kids’ teachers have subs fairly often.

I’d love to know what really goes on during teacher institute days. We have one coming up this Friday. How ridiculous. Not even two full weeks after Christmas break, they have a four day weekend, because, SURPRISE, Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I highly doubt that this is a coincidence. What do they do? Is it just another paid day off?

There’s more! A teacher’s workday is 6 & 1/2 hours. I just looked it up and the average salary in my average community (which is also a fairly young community so none of the teachers have been here for more than 10-15 years, most are new, right out of college) is $53,000/year! They don’t have to pay into the useless and almost bankrupt social security system, and can retire comfortably after 20 years, without contributing one penny of their own to the pension plan funded by our tax dollars.

What a racket! I may have to re-think my entire career path. For that kind of money with those perks, even I may be able to put up with 20+ children (or teen-agers, God forbid) for a few weeks a month, nine months a year.

Come to think about it, I can remember only one teacher in my entire public school experience that made an actual impact on my life. One. So far, I have only been really impressed with one of my sons’ teachers. One. This would seem to indicate, as is true in any field, that only a few are actually exceptional. Yet, the average salary is well above the national average overall salary, which includes mostly people who actually work full time!

Maybe I’m missing something. Fill me in if I am. And PLEASE tell me what goes on during institute days.

Thanks for stopping by!

So Much More Than A Mom » Public Schools

Maybe I Will Survive Middle School

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” – Anne Frank

Related Reading:

Related posts

Bullies, Public Nudity & Conformity

“I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.” – Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Related Reading:

Related posts

Bullies On The Bus

“I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.” – Sixteen Candles

Related Reading:

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I Was Not Prepared For These Questions

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen

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Out There On Their Own

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Teacher's Institute Days, Really?!

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