So Much More Than A Mom » Children

Children’s Rights

Cyndi — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 04:10:21 +0000

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” — Agatha Christie

When my friend Gina was first diagnosed with cancer her biggest concern was that she would die before her twin daughters turned 18. She was afraid that their biological father would take them away from everything she had worked so hard to provide: stability and love, their home, their step-father and their little sister. Throughout her battle with cancer I never once heard her complain about herself, the treatments or anything else. Her mantra never changed. She simply had to stay alive until the twins were 18. She knew she could not fall short of this because the consequences for her daughters were too horrific for her to even consider.

Her worst nightmares have come true.

Last week, less than two months after losing their mother, their biological father abruptly removed them from their school in the upscale suburb in which they have lived for more than 1/2 of their lives. He has taken them to the home of the most recent woman he is living with in a rough neighborhood. He has told them that their mother never loved them and only wanted his money. He has cut them off from all of their family and told them they will never see their step-father or little sister again. He has not even bothered to enroll them in school.

I don’t know what precipitated any of this. I do know that the girls are terrified and cut off from everyone they love, everything that is familiar and safe to them and all while still grieving the very recent death of their mother.

Her sister said it best, “Gina is counting on all of us to fix this.”.

I don’t know how to fix this. All I do know is that getting the word out through my blog may lead us to someone who can help. There is a court hearing next week in DuPage County IL. If anyone reading this knows anyone or knows someone who may know anyone that can help my friend’s daughters (attorneys, advocates, etc.) PLEASE leave a comment here.

Thank you.

I’m Not Tired

Cyndi — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:22:48 +0000

“Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers; the next day you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul.” – The Wonder Years

You know how all kids always deny being tired despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary? Well, that’s what this adorable little story on Nick Jr. is about. I don’t know what made me remember this story but I thought of it the other day. It was both of my boys’ first experience with the internet. Back before Steve abandoned Blue for a fabulous movie career (?!), and they were each around 2-3 years old they would sit on our laps and make us play this story over and over again. Both of them loved it.

I’m so happy I found it still up on their website so many years later! Whenever one of them claims to not be tired and they clearly are tired, we still say, “I’m not tired” in this little bird’s voice to this day.

Thanks for stopping by!

I Smell Sex And Candy

Cyndi — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 05:37:03 +0000

“Those seemingly interminable dark walks between houses, long before street-lit safety became an issue, were more adrenalizing than the mountains of candy filling the sack. Sadly Halloween, with our good-natured attempts to protect the little ones, from the increasingly dangerous traffic and increasingly sick adults, has become an utter bore.” ~ Lauren Springer

I’m not a big fan of Halloween. Except for the chocolate. My boys are 9 & 11 so they’re still very much into it. Their chosen costumes get creepier every year. This quote reminded me that at their ages my friends and I were out as late as possible without the hindrance benefit of any adult supervision whatsoever. I wouldn’t even consider letting them go trick-or-treating alone after dark. How times have changed. God, I sound like I’m 80 years old….I can remember back during the depression of 1929 2009…YIKES!

Anyway, I don’t mind going out with them and enjoying them enjoying themselves. It’s cute and I know soon they’ll be way too cool for all this nonsense and I’ll miss it. I don’t mind taking all the Reese’s (cups not pieces, I do have standards when taking candy from children) for myself either.

We used to have a neighbor, whom I considered to be something of a drip and not at all attractive. He had no personality to speak of so we didn’t interact much although our kids were friends. He used to wear this Zorro costume every Halloween. He didn’t look like a drip in that costume at all. I don’t know if it was my obsession with attraction to Antonio Banderas or just the mystery of the black mask, cape and sword (insert Freudian reference here…pun intended) but that costume made Halloween a lot more interesting for me.

What I really can’t stand is office Halloween parties where you’re expected to dress up and sit around working in some ridiculous costume all day just to show you’re a “team player”. God, I hate that phrase. There’s always at least one woman who doesn’t get that while it has become standard to dress like a skank on Halloween (when did that happen anyway?!), it’s probably not the best idea for the office.

The options for adult costumes range from hooker to dork with virtually no options in between those two extremes.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

As if I’d be caught dead in either of those costumes in public! Exhibit A…I’d either get arrested, be banned from the PTA (oops, that’s already happened) or get a LOT of candy. Exhibit B….if I were to even consider wearing this ridiculous thing in public I may as well save some money, give up and just wear crocs and sweatpants.

Luckily I get to work from home tomorrow but I didn’t hear about any office dress-up nonsense anyway and I won’t be attending any costume parties. I will do my part by wearing my t-shirt that says “witchy” and wander our well-lit neighborhood with my little monsters, enjoy their fun and steal their chocolate-and-peanut-buttery-goodness.

Thanks for stopping by!

We Survived H1N1

Cyndi — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:43:53 +0000

“To be sick is to enjoy monarchical prerogatives.” – Charles Lamb

It seems as if my son has made a full recovery from his bout with the H1N1 flu virus. I was starting to worry on Thursday and Friday. Although his fever stayed down around 101 (an improvement), he was exhausted. He slept for the better part of those two days. This is not like him at all. This is a child who still, at age 9, after having to do this every night his entire life, still pitches a fit at bedtime and will never admit to being tired.

By Saturday his fever was gone and he was so bored. Yay! He even went outside to play for a bit on Sunday and went back to school (he seemed almost happy) yesterday.

So far, no relapses, signs of blood clots or pneumonia as in some of the articles I’ve read. We did nothing unusual to treat him. No TamiFlu, just chicken soup, Tylenol and Motrin for the fever, and lots of fluids and rest.

Miraculously, none of the rest of us caught it either. We’re well past the incubation stage and I’m pretty sure I’ve disinfected every surface in our house. I hope this is our one and only experience with this dreaded and much publicized virus and happy that it seems to have been no worse than the regular seasonal flu.

Thanks for stopping by!

Maybe I Will Survive Middle School

Cyndi — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:45:39 +0000

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” – Anne Frank

My 11 year old son has only been in middle school for a little over a month and has already learned about sex education, dealt with a bully, received his first phone call from a girl, gone to his first dance and now….accelerated math.

Hubby and I have no idea where his math aptitude comes from. We’re both secretly considering DNA testing. I’m pretty sure he’s mine though, because he is both organizationally and directionally challenged just like me. He resembles hubby in the looks department so we’re pretty sure he’s his too. This math thing has us both amazed and proud.

Yesterday his math homework involved finding the least common multiplier amongst groups of 4 numbers. He asked me for help! When I first read the instructions, I swear they said this; “@#$%&!”. After some clarification from my 11 year old, it came back to me. For the most part. We struggled a bit but got through it. This is only 7th grade level math people. I’m so screwed.

There is hope.

In addition to the excessively difficult homework, we also received this lovely card from his math teacher that I will keep forever:

I Appreciate Your Efforts At Home

Your son was rewarded with a sticker today because he showed great character and honesty today in math class. We were doing a very difficult problem and the class was stumped on the answer. One young man worked really hard to get the answer and shared it with your son and his math partner. Instead of just taking the answer without doing the work, your son and his partner erased the answer. I was very proud of both boys because they showed good character.

It doesn’t get much better than this. She’s proud?! I couldn’t be more so.

Thanks for stopping by!

The End Of Innocence

Cyndi — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:02:46 +0000

“Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When happily ever after fails
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales”
- The End of the Innocence

My 11 year old son figured out that Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny were all nonsense several years ago. He had heard rumors so pretended to be asleep one night when the tooth fairy paid him a visit. We were busted. He seemed to react the same way I did when I figured it out. I was proud of myself. I felt pretty damn smart to have outwitted my parents. He seemed to feel the same way. He was sworn to secrecy and has done an excellent job of keeping this from his younger brother. I think he secretly liked knowing something that his little brother didn’t.

That all ended today. My soon to be 9 year old son started grilling me about these characters while I was making dinner tonight. I kept the denial going by asking him why he thought they weren’t real, who else would be bringing these gifts to him, etc. I kept it up for a good 20 minutes. I wanted proof that he knew. I wanted to hear that someone had told him or that he had figured it out somehow, similar to how his brother had. He wasn’t budging. He had no proof but he just knew. He insisted that I please just admit it. I finally caved and told him the truth. Then his older brother chimed in with how he found out about these parental lies and furthermore, how he had seen the Wii that they got last year, several days before Christmas! His “surprise” on Christmas Day was completely fake.

At first my youngest son seemed quite pleased with himself. He was finally in on the big secret. He did insist that he still wants an Easter basket each year and I assured him that this discovery isn’t the end of Christmas presents. We all went on with our chosen activities. He went outside to ride his bike.

He came back home a short time later and I heard his older brother ask him what was wrong. They started talking in whispers but I heard something about, “what mommy said”. I thought….shit. What did I say?! I hadn’t gotten angry at either of them for any reason and couldn’t even remember making any sarcastic remarks either (which is a time honored tradition in my family). I went downstairs and my youngest son was crying. I mean really crying.

He was heartbroken about the whole Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny thing! I felt awful. I had struggled with introducing these mythical figures from the beginning. It just didn’t seem right to lie to your kids. I finally figured that all the other kids would be talking about them and maybe it is just a magical part of childhood that I shouldn’t deny them. And yet, now that the truth is out, my baby is sad. Through his tears he said, “I just wish they were real.”.

So do I Sweetie. So do I.

Thanks for stopping by!

Tweens In Da House

Cyndi — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 12:54:22 +0000

“And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.” — George Carlin

It’s official. My eleven year old son is a tween.

I pressed play on the answering machine and there it was. The one thing I’ve been dreading almost since the day he was born. Some floozy very nice girl from my son’s class last year left him a voice mail to call her. She rambled a bit about how she wanted to see what classes he was in and if he had any other phone numbers. I believe she was looking for his cell phone number but he thought she was looking for other kids’ numbers so she could call them.

He’s such a guy! Since he believed that she was calling him just to get other phone numbers and not to talk to him, and he doesn’t “like her like her”, he didn’t feel like calling her back. So, he didn’t. That was that.

First of all, when I was eleven, I would never have called a boy under any circumstances. I know I’m dating myself with that statement. It had more to do with my own extreme shyness and fear of rejection than any outdated notion that girls aren’t supposed to call boys. Secondly, how typical of a guy is my son’s behavior?! The first time a girl calls him ever and it’s no big deal. He didn’t give it another thought.

She called back. Again, something I never would have done. Even if I had somehow mustered up the courage to call the first time, I would have been too devastated and mortified to even consider calling again. This time it was clear that she did want to talk to him. This time he called her back. He still doesn’t like her like her but clearly likes the idea of her liking him.

And so it begins.

Thanks for stopping by!

Bullies, Public Nudity & Conformity

Cyndi — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:05:29 +0000

“I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.” – Diary of a Wimpy Kid

I’ll bet when you first saw the title of this blog post you thought I was going to be writing about Corporate America or Congress or my weekend, right? Nope. Even worse. Middle School. And Bullies. Has anyone in the history of the world ever looked back on these awkward, painful and embarrassing years and wished they could go back? I didn’t think so. Unless they wished to go back to finally stand up to a bully or two.

As I mentioned here, one of these future criminals punched my oldest son in the arm on the bus on his way home from his 2nd day of middle school. I now have 11 years of experience as a parent and I feel I’m on solid ground here when I say that something must be terribly wrong at the homes of these derelicts. I’ve met all sorts of children and parents and time and again I see that the children who misbehave most often and most severely are children whose parents are either too busy to be bothered, encourage aggressive behavior, abusive or simply set no boundaries out of ignorance.

I’m not in any way suggesting that my children are angels or that I am a perfect parent. Far from it. My kids do get into trouble and I do make mistakes. In this specific situation what I’m talking about is a fundamental lack of respect for other people combined with an overwhelming need to feel physically superior to those same people. There is something seriously wrong with a child that even considers punching an innocent by-stander for no apparent reason, let alone actually does it.

Following that logic, children who are raised with manners and who respect others, will always have a difficult time standing up to a bully. It’s not because they are wimpy. It’s because this behavior is actually bizarre and completely foreign. It’s no less bizarre than if someone were to stand up in the middle of a business meeting, jump up on the conference table and strip naked. If you were sitting in that meeting, what would you do? Nothing. You’d be too shocked. Of course, if it went on for any length of time you may call 911, start laughing, try to talk your nude co-worker down or at least cover him up. But, in those first few seconds, you’d be too stunned to take action. You may even feel a little bit afraid. Your adrenaline would start pumping and you’d look around the room in an attempt to make sense of this situation. And you’re a mature adult whose physical safety is not in immediate jeopardy, not a pre-pubescent child who is being attacked.

Bullying is not a matter of, “boys will be boys”. By the time boys reach middle school they have developed the mental capacity for sufficient impulse control. The fact that the impulse in question is unprovoked violence is seriously disturbing. Boys will play-fight, wrestle, and tackle their friends. That is not the same as randomly punching younger, smaller boys that they don’t even know and deriving some twisted pleasure from it.

It’s also not a normal rite of passage. Just because we all had to deal with bullies on our own when we were growing up does not make it acceptable. When our parents (or grandparents) were growing up, they thought segregation was normal and unobjectionable because that’s how it had always been. The argument that anything is acceptable simply because it has been ignored or allowed to continue for many years is nonsense.

The overall culture in middle school is conformity at all costs. The one exception to this rule is bullies. Bullies are extremely different. They are the ones leading the other kids in ridiculing others. When it comes down to being picked on or being on the side of the person who is doing the picking, even the most well-behaved kids (probably especially the most well-behaved kids) will not put themselves on the line to stand up to one of these little tormentors. We, as a society, have been allowing bullies to control the atmosphere in which our children spend their days for generations.

The real question then becomes: We don’t abuse our children so why do we continue to allow other kids to do so?

Thanks for stopping by!

Bullies On The Bus

Cyndi — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 11:34:13 +0000

“I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.” – Sixteen Candles

Some little asshole 8th grader punched my 6th grader in the arm on the bus yesterday. I have a lot to say on this topic but right now I just want to go all Rebecca-DeMornay-in-The-Hand-That-Rocks-The-Cradle on this kid. Unfortunately, I can’t find a video clip of that specific scene from the movie to put up here. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, she is a psycho nanny and threatens to rip some kids f-ing head off on the playground for doing something to the kid she watches. Probably not the best idea for me but it’s a fun little fantasy.

Thanks for stopping by!

Get Organized For Back-To-School With Office Max & Peter Walsh Product Review & Giveaway

Cyndi — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:22:36 +0000

And the winner is….

Aimee W.!

Thank you to everyone who participated!

—————————————————

“People hold onto stuff like their kids’ old clothing as a way of holding onto the past. Or they keep things they think they might need someday as a way to control the future.” – Peter Walsh

I’m notoriously unorganized. Unfortunately, my 11-year-old suffers from the same affliction. His backpack and desk at school have always been a disaster. All of the paperwork that comes home from school pile up on my counter-top because I simply don’t know what to do with it all. Now he’s headed into middle school. He’ll have an entire locker in which to throw all sorts of important items to most likely be lost forever and even more *stuff* to bring home!

When Office Max set up this webcast to discuss back to school organization, I was thrilled. I need all the help I can get and so does my son. When they sent me products from their Scoolio-Von-Hoolio kid-centric product line to review, I was even more thrilled!

Obviously, these products are way too cute and girly for my tween son. Lucky me! That meant I got to try them all in my home office. My favorites are the expanding file for all those papers that are about to start coming home from school and the adorable, tiny notebook that fits in my purse so I can scribble my random ideas for blog posts as they come so I don’t forget.

Office Max was also generous enough to send me a 2nd set of all these items to give away to one lucky reader!

The Prizes:

7-Pocket expanding file
Owl and Cupcake Binders
Purple Heart Clipboard and Mini Notebook
Drawstring Backsack
Cupcake Notebook
Cupcake 2-Pocket Folder
Birds and Leaves Composition Books
Pencil Set and Box

How to enter:

Watch the webcast and comment here telling me what you found to be Peter’s most inspiring or helpful organizational tip.

Additoinal Entries Available:

Link to this giveaway on your site and post the link here.
Tweet this giveaway on twitter and post the link here (From your Twitter Profile page, click on the “about 1 hour ago” link under the tweet. That will take you to the permalink for that tweet. Copy and paste the permalink here).
Subscribe to this blog via e-mail here.
Join this blog’s Facebook fan page here.

Details:

Available to U.S. residents only
My personal friends and family are not eligible to win (sorry!)
I will choose the winner via random drawing (up to 5 entries per person as described above)
Contest ends at midnight (CDT) on Monday, August 31st 2009.
Winner will be announced here on Tuesday, September 1st 2009.

Feel free to connect with the blogcast host and panelists online:

Peter Walsh: Twitter.com/Peter_Walsh and Peter’s Facebook Page
OfficeMax: Twitter.com/OfficeMax and School Supplies Deals
Heather Wolpert-Gawron: Tween Teacher blog
Ana Picazo: Finding Bonggamom

Good luck and thanks for stopping by!

So Much More Than A Mom » Children

Children’s Rights

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” — Agatha Christie

Related Reading:

Related posts

I’m Not Tired

“Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers; the next day you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul.” – The Wonder Years

Related Reading:

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I Smell Sex And Candy

Related Reading:

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We Survived H1N1

“To be sick is to enjoy monarchical prerogatives.” – Charles Lamb

Related Reading:

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Maybe I Will Survive Middle School

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” – Anne Frank

Related Reading:

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The End Of Innocence

“Remember when the days were long And rolled beneath a deep blue sky Didn’t have a care in the world With mommy and daddy standing by When happily ever after fails And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales” - The End of the Innocence

Related Reading:

Related posts

Tweens In Da House

“And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.” — George Carlin

Related Reading:

Related posts

Bullies, Public Nudity & Conformity

“I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.” – Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Related Reading:

Related posts

Bullies On The Bus

“I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.” – Sixteen Candles

Related Reading:

Related posts

Get Organized For Back-To-School With Office Max & Peter Walsh Product Review & Giveaway

And the winner is….

Aimee W.!

Thank you to everyone who participated!

—————————————————

“People hold onto stuff like their kids’ old clothing as a way of holding onto the past. Or they keep things they think they might need someday as a way to control the future.” – Peter Walsh

Related Reading:

Related posts

“Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When happily ever after fails
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales”
- The End of the Innocence