Back To Life
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” — Robert Frost
I’ve been in a sort of fog since before Thanksgiving. Ever since I learned of Gina’s rapidly deteriorating condition. Yes, I got up and went to work every day but I don’t remember much about what I did. I’ve been on auto-pilot. Luckily I had enough awareness to make a few important decisions, such as my new job and arrangements for a friend’s birthday dinner. But for the most part I’ve been out of it.
My husband has been absolutely amazing. He doesn’t like it when I’m upset. He wants to fix it. He wants me happy. There’s nothing wrong with that except that he doesn’t always get what he wants. I can’t just turn it off. He can’t just fix it. But he has been here for me in every way I’ve needed him to be. I’ve gotten lots of hugs and long talks and space. He even did pretty much all of the Christmas shopping and wrapping and house cleaning and…everything.
I realized yesterday that Christmas is next week. Holy shit! I have literally done nothing. Well, one day when I was grocery shopping I did pick up a few Christmas gifts, but that’s about it. I haven’t even purchased Christmas cards let alone mailed any. None of these things crossed my mind or even seemed important when I was reminded of them. But they are.
No, the world isn’t going to end if I don’t send out Christmas cards this year. But it is important that I live my life. That I enjoy the holidays with my family and friends. That I get back in the game. Gina would want that for me. I want that for me.
I decided I am going on another solo trip next year on Mother’s Day weekend. I registered for school this semester. I’m going out with friends this weekend. Sometimes the grief comes out of nowhere and hits me like a ton of bricks. I have to let it hit me. But then I have to let it go until the next round. Until my time on this earth is over, my life goes on and I don’t want to miss a thing.
Thanks for stopping by!
Good for you, Cyndi. You’re taking such good care of you during this difficult time. Just remember to be gentle with yourself. Grief will come out of nowhere any time, any place.
Karen
Yes, I’m noticing that it does come out of nowhere. There is no way to be prepared.
Wow, can I borrow your husband!? I love that he stepped up and took over the duties for you. Even if I’m sick I still get “where’s the ketchup?” haha
Good for you to take your annual trip! I still think that’s a fantastic idea. One day when I’m a mom I plan on stealing it. I’ll sip margharitas somewhere on a sandy shore and think “Cyndi had the best idea!”
Good luck at school! Do you want to sign up at my school and we can take the same classes and share answers??? You know you wanna!!!
Christina´s last blog ..Buttermilk Biscuits
Ha! I do get “where’s the ketchup?” too!!
I’m telling you….that solo trip was the best thing. I can’t wait to do it again.
I SO wanna share answers! What classes are you taking?
It’s true that things WILL get better if you stick it out. Thank goodness for the people (like your hubby) that help carry us through the bad times so that we can keep living through the good times.
Am so glad to read this post…loved the words from R.Frost…like his poems too
Just wanted to say that i understand when you wrote “grief comes out of nowhere and hits me like a ton of bricks”