Comments on: Fear Of Falling

By: Jess

Jess — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 03:59:27 +0000

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good.

So true. Good pick, my friend.

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:08:11 +0000

It is a tricky bastard. This is the first time I’ve mindfully forced myself to not change or ignore my feelings and it’s not fun but also not as painful as frantically looking for distractions.

By: consuella

consuella — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:24:21 +0000

grief is a tricky bastard. it has so many layers and is so unpredictable. i’m just glad you are acknowledging what you are feeling and not trying to make yourself feel a different way. you have to walk through it and not run from it. sounds like you are doing that.

hugs from here….
consuella´s last blog ..i don’t get it

By: she

she — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:20:05 +0000

love to you cyndi
she´s last blog ..My Sunday

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:54:44 +0000

Les: Yes, it does sort of feel that way.

Karen: I know you’re right. My kids understand what’s going on and my husband has been great. It’s all me being afraid if I open the floodgates I won’t be able to close them. Intellectually, I know that’s not the case. I’m so sorry about your friend too.

By: Karen Walker

Karen Walker — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:30:22 +0000

Cyndi, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Everything you’re feeling is so absolutely normal. Just allow whatever is there to bubble up. Tell the people closest to you what you’re going through so you don’t have to hide or pretend to feel other than what you are feeling. Don’t know how old your kids are or how much they understand, but telling them mommy is sad about something that has nothing to do with them will help. Grief comes in ways we don’t understand and you just have to allow yourself to ride that particular wave.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend, Gina. I lost my friend Betsy and 5 years ago and still go to call her every so often.
Blessings,
Karen
Karen Walker´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-up

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:19:09 +0000

Christina: Thank you so much. You’re right, Gina would not like it if she knew I was unhappy about anything having to do with her.

Sonya: Welcome! Actually, that’s all I mean when I say “The Dark Side”. I guess I’m a little dramatic. I generally try to stop myself from crying. I try to push those thoughts that make me start to cry away. I did have a nice long crying jag last night. I feel better this morning than I did last night. Hope it lasts. Thank you so much for your comment.

By: Sonya Feher

Sonya Feher — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:25:14 +0000

I’ve been on the dark side a lot too but I recently tried a different (and much less destructive) coping mechanism when life got really hard; I cried for five hours straight. I texted my husband because I couldn’t even stop crying to talk. I put a video on for my son to watch downstairs so I wouldn’t scare him and went up to my room and cried. My husband came home to take care of our son and I just stayed upstairs and cried, and sobbed, and blew my nose, and sobbed some more. I’ve never cried myself to dehydration before. I felt crappy for the next couple of days, mostly because I didn’t drink enough water after, but I feel so much better. The circumstances that caused the sobbing haven’t even necessarily gotten better, but I’m not carrying around all the sadness and anger and powerlessness. I let it go. Now, I can just deal with what’s in front of me. I highly recommend it, because the dark side is usually about escaping the problem rather than handling it. So sorry you’re going through this loss.
Sonya Feher´s last blog ..Eat This: Nutmeg Lemon Glazed Carrots

By: Les

Les — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:02:02 +0000

You must feel like you’re just going through the motions getting ready for this holiday thing. Life is so unfair sometimes.

By: Christina

Christina — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:21:53 +0000

Hang in there, Cyndi. I had much of the same thoughts go through my head for my Grammy. Just know that Gina wouldn’t want you to miss Thanksgiving w/ your family and your boys. Also, try not to feel guilty about any of the feelings you’re having or the way your grief is displaying itself. I actually googled grief and how to do it when I was struggling w/ my Grammy’s passing. I just thought I can’t be doing it “right.” Then I realized, there is no right way, even for the same person. Each passing, each situation, each relationship will always have its own grief process that manifests itself in its own ways. You have to do what is right and healthy for you, no matter how absurd or “wrong” it seems in the moment.
Christina´s last blog ..Taste of Home Field Editor