Comments on: Tell Me Lies

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:05:17 +0000

I couldn’t agree more. You hit the nail on the head. Every single word and action is carefully calculated. That’s why it’s so difficult for the rest of us to spot it and so easy for the rest of us to get caught up in the endless circle of trying to figure them out. The sad fact is that they simply don’t think like we do and are completely devoid of actual emotions. That’s so difficult for us to wrap our brains around because it’s so foreign to us. Documenting the nonsense is an excellent idea. I’m happy you got out and are making progress in focusing on yourself. Thank you so much for your comments.

By: NC Focused

NC Focused — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:10:56 +0000

I’m glad Consuela articulated something that EVERY SINGLE PERSON has asked me as the divorce from the N in my life grew more and more twisted.

“Do you think he’s just started believing his own lies” This is such a reasonable question in response to a seemingly endless string of lies, most barely plausible. The fact that the N in my life held tight to them for two years, caused all of our close friends to seriously question his sanity? Lies, he was caught in, lies with no reason, lies to smoke screen, “insignificant lies”, and everything in between.

I truly believe to fully grasp the means and lengths the N will use takes prolonged time, and an acceptance that what you are about to see has no basis in reason. It is purposeful, even if you can’t fathom the purpose, or if the purpose itself evades you. A N has an ulterior motive for every action, plan, conversation, by the way, did you hear, checking in, friendly guesture, thank you, returned phone call, etc.

I began documenting seemingly random things that started to sit funny with me. It took a while but my life and past are slowly becoming more in focus. The acceptance was simultaneously anxiety provoking and relief inducing.

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:29:16 +0000

Hilarious! Sorry for stealing your thunder. In all honesty, though our stories may be very similar in many ways, we all have unique experiences worth sharing. So…blog on, please!

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:28:11 +0000

No, they realize it. It’s a very conscious effort.

It is absolutely wasted energy and extremely draining. Wasted energy & wasted life. My mom never has time for anything. She’s always saying she has, “20 million things to do”. In addition to maintaining her false image, I believe she’s also OCD. All those routines take up a ton of her time. She’s a bit better about this now that she’s retired but still doesn’t have time for many things she says she wants to do. I firmly believe it’s due to all the time she spends on keeping all her balls in the air. The sad part is, now that I’m an adult and she’s mellowed quite a bit, we could have a much closer relationship if not for her constant nonsense. She’s never been truly close to anyone in her life and so governed by fear that she’s never really done anything. I’d be willing to bet that she doesn’t even know that she has dreams and aspirations beyond what she’s limited herself to.

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:23:33 +0000

I so do love that word!!

By: she

she — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:34:18 +0000

Cyndi, I honestly don’t know why I bother having a blog anymore, b/c honestly, YOU write all the posts I’m THINKING of writing!! lol.

By: consuella

consuella — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:34:05 +0000

do you ever think they get so immersed in the lies that they don’t even realize they do it anymore? i have wondered that.

something else i have wondered. if it is so draining on you (or another recipient of such narcissitic behavior) to deal with a narcissist, how much more draining is it to be one? what energy it must take, what wasted energy….
consuella´s last blog ..mumble jumble

By: Dawn

Dawn — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:32:57 +0000

It was a bait for who knows what kind of outcome. Patterns like these don’t go away. Accepting them is IMPOSSIBLE. Good for YOU! Saving a drain on you and your families energy.

Like a true warrior
Dawn´s last blog ..The Way I Weigh Things

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:41:48 +0000

Yep, I watch from the window that faces the bus stop myself sometimes. I don’t know why she feels the need to actually be outside and I’m not going to ask because any explanation will only drive me more crazy.

By: Les

Les — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:43:02 +0000

Aaaargh! This has got to drive you crazy. It’s funny how she couldn’t just accept what you told her about your son not feeling comfortable with her watching. (Anyways, can’t she watch from a window? I used to do that sometimes so I wouldn’t embarrass the kids).