Comments on: Remembering My Father http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/ How many of us lost OURSELVES when we took on the awesome title of MOM? And why did we do that? We are ALL…SO MUCH MORE THAN A MOM! Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:35:20 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4809 Cyndi Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:10:33 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4809 Thanks Jess, and I'm pretty sure that JM lyrics can be applied to every situation in life. :) Thanks Jess, and I’m pretty sure that JM lyrics can be applied to every situation in life. :)

]]> By: Jess http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4808 Jess Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:08:07 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4808 I'm sorely overdue on my blog reading...damn life getting in the way again. I really must have a talk with it about that. That being said: I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss (and the feelings that it evokes in you)---I can fully understand grief being even more painful as time goes by. It's odd how that works, isn't it? I'm thinking of you. And of course, you know I love the quote. I think another jm quote would also be applicable here...."just keep me where the light is". I’m sorely overdue on my blog reading…damn life getting in the way again. I really must have a talk with it about that.

That being said: I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss (and the feelings that it evokes in you)—I can fully understand grief being even more painful as time goes by. It’s odd how that works, isn’t it? I’m thinking of you. And of course, you know I love the quote. I think another jm quote would also be applicable here….”just keep me where the light is”.

]]> By: Christina http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4703 Christina Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:16:43 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4703 Wow, how strange to get mail in his name on his bday at your house he never lived at?! I think all you can do is accept the grief, which you've done, instead of denying it. Then at whatever point you can, you'll deal w/ it. The healthiest thing you could do for yourself is to make sure you don't repeat it and give your boys an awesome childhood, and I know you're doing that! :) .-= Christina´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.dinneratchristinas.com/2009/11/christiiiiinas-baby-back-riiibs.html" rel="nofollow">Christiiiiina's Baby Back Riiibs</a> =-. Wow, how strange to get mail in his name on his bday at your house he never lived at?!

I think all you can do is accept the grief, which you’ve done, instead of denying it. Then at whatever point you can, you’ll deal w/ it. The healthiest thing you could do for yourself is to make sure you don’t repeat it and give your boys an awesome childhood, and I know you’re doing that! :)
Christina´s last blog ..Christiiiiina’s Baby Back Riiibs My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4702 Cyndi Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:08:49 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4702 Brave...as are you. Wow, I can't believe he asked "What did I do with my life?". That would haunt me. Mine never said a word about the abuse, his life or about anything at all. In case you haven't read this one about his death: http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/07/24/free-at-last-or-so-i-thought/ How is it possible that we have been in the same family (practically) for over 20 years and are just now finding out how similar we are. I guess the answer to that question is that we were both afraid to talk about these things, right? Thank you so much for your comment. It brought tears to my eyes. Brave…as are you. Wow, I can’t believe he asked “What did I do with my life?”. That would haunt me. Mine never said a word about the abuse, his life or about anything at all. In case you haven’t read this one about his death: http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/07/24/free-at-last-or-so-i-thought/

How is it possible that we have been in the same family (practically) for over 20 years and are just now finding out how similar we are. I guess the answer to that question is that we were both afraid to talk about these things, right? Thank you so much for your comment. It brought tears to my eyes.

]]> By: Janina Lopez http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4701 Janina Lopez Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:01:30 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4701 Wow, talk about parallel lives. It's been only 3 years since my father died and I am still a bit numb to the whole thing. I still have his ashes in an urn and I have no idea what to do with them, I don't want to keep them, but I'm not sure what to do with them??? My father had a terrible temper and I remember may times being yelled at and spanked, and he at times was very abusive to the check-out girl at the grocery store, waitresses etc... I remember being very embarrassed and wishing I could just disappear in those moments. But mostly my father was indifferent, never really gave his opinion, encouragement, advice...nothing, he would check out. My mother on the other hand was overbearing and extremely critical, I grew up with polar opposites and found refuge nowhere. I have always struggled with feeling inferior to others, I was always very, very shy, a loner, could hardly stand to be in social situations, I would panic. When I got older I began to ask questions about there childhood, I found out my father was very unloved and mistreated by his father who was an extremely critical person. My father ended up marrying an extremely critical woman (no big surprise there). I came to realize that his lack of opinion was because he didn't want to be critical of me (no opinion=no criticism). But it actually did the same if not more damage than if he would have just spoken up. I remember the day I arrived at the hospital and the Dr was outside my father's room and told me that there was nothing more they could do for him, he had a matter of hours. I went into his room, looked him in the eye and began to sing, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL. I had to at that moment let go, not for him, for me. He made his choice to live that way, and his last words were, "What did I do with my life?" I am not nothing because my parents treated me that way, I CHOOSE to believe and know who I am. God's grace is amazing and has blessed me with an incredible husband who has had to deal with sooo much, and has taken this journey with me, and is the first person who has truly made me feel loved and valued. Thank you so much for your honesty, you are truly brave! Wow, talk about parallel lives. It’s been only 3 years since my father died and I am still a bit numb to the whole thing. I still have his ashes in an urn and I have no idea what to do with them, I don’t want to keep them, but I’m not sure what to do with them??? My father had a terrible temper and I remember may times being yelled at and spanked, and he at times was very abusive to the check-out girl at the grocery store, waitresses etc… I remember being very embarrassed and wishing I could just disappear in those moments. But mostly my father was indifferent, never really gave his opinion, encouragement, advice…nothing, he would check out.
My mother on the other hand was overbearing and extremely critical, I grew up with polar opposites and found refuge nowhere. I have always struggled with feeling inferior to others, I was always very, very shy, a loner, could hardly stand to be in social situations, I would panic. When I got older I began to ask questions about there childhood, I found out my father was very unloved and mistreated by his father who was an extremely critical person. My father ended up marrying an extremely critical woman (no big surprise there). I came to realize that his lack of opinion was because he didn’t want to be critical of me (no opinion=no criticism). But it actually did the same if not more damage than if he would have just spoken up.
I remember the day I arrived at the hospital and the Dr was outside my father’s room and told me that there was nothing more they could do for him, he had a matter of hours. I went into his room, looked him in the eye and began to sing, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL. I had to at that moment let go, not for him, for me. He made his choice to live that way, and his last words were, “What did I do with my life?”
I am not nothing because my parents treated me that way, I CHOOSE to believe and know who I am. God’s grace is amazing and has blessed me with an incredible husband who has had to deal with sooo much, and has taken this journey with me, and is the first person who has truly made me feel loved and valued. Thank you so much for your honesty, you are truly brave!

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4700 Cyndi Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:02:09 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4700 I know, he really was pathetically helpless and sick at the end and I did feel bad for him. No one deserves all that he went through. I still felt ripped off and even while I felt bad for him I was also resentful that he was so sick and so I could never resolve anything with him. I know that's totally fucked up. Hence.....therapy! It's a process.. :) Isn't it weird that I got mail addressed to him HERE on his birthday?!! And all last week I kept hitting my head.... I know, he really was pathetically helpless and sick at the end and I did feel bad for him. No one deserves all that he went through. I still felt ripped off and even while I felt bad for him I was also resentful that he was so sick and so I could never resolve anything with him. I know that’s totally fucked up. Hence…..therapy! It’s a process.. :)

Isn’t it weird that I got mail addressed to him HERE on his birthday?!! And all last week I kept hitting my head….

]]> By: Steph http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4699 Steph Wed, 04 Nov 2009 23:27:44 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4699 Yep, tried it.......he finally stopped pounding my head on the head board and let go of my throat....but I don't think it had anything to do with my begging or "love" and it certainly didn't have anything to do with mom stopping him (she was just part of the audience). Then of course, he left to "cool off" or whatever only to return with confessions of his own issues for his 12 yr old daughter to absolve. Yuck! The really strange thing is though, watching him so freaking sick and then he actually was helpless (not like what-a-dumb-ass-helpless, but truly helpless against diabetes). And then he was just like a totally different person.....kind of like how you deal with mom now. .-= Steph´s last blog ..<a href="http://begreensavegreen.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/green-reading/" rel="nofollow">Green Reading</a> =-. Yep, tried it…….he finally stopped pounding my head on the head board and let go of my throat….but I don’t think it had anything to do with my begging or “love” and it certainly didn’t have anything to do with mom stopping him (she was just part of the audience). Then of course, he left to “cool off” or whatever only to return with confessions of his own issues for his 12 yr old daughter to absolve. Yuck!

The really strange thing is though, watching him so freaking sick and then he actually was helpless (not like what-a-dumb-ass-helpless, but truly helpless against diabetes). And then he was just like a totally different person…..kind of like how you deal with mom now.
Steph´s last blog ..Green Reading My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4691 Cyndi Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:43:18 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4691 Thank you. Thank you.

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4690 Cyndi Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:42:13 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4690 Thank you so much Karen. Thank you so much Karen.

]]> By: JennyMac http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/11/04/remembering-my-father/comment-page-1/#comment-4689 JennyMac Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:42:01 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2884#comment-4689 Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Sorry for your loss. .-= JennyMac´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LetsHaveACocktail/~3/zIQq-mkh8ec/be-my-guest.html" rel="nofollow">Be my guest....</a> =-. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Sorry for your loss.
JennyMac´s last blog ..Be my guest…. My ComLuv Profile

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