I Smell Sex And Candy
“Those seemingly interminable dark walks between houses, long before street-lit safety became an issue, were more adrenalizing than the mountains of candy filling the sack. Sadly Halloween, with our good-natured attempts to protect the little ones, from the increasingly dangerous traffic and increasingly sick adults, has become an utter bore.” ~ Lauren Springer
I’m not a big fan of Halloween. Except for the chocolate. My boys are 9 & 11 so they’re still very much into it. Their chosen costumes get creepier every year. This quote reminded me that at their ages my friends and I were out as late as possible without the hindrance benefit of any adult supervision whatsoever. I wouldn’t even consider letting them go trick-or-treating alone after dark. How times have changed. God, I sound like I’m 80 years old….I can remember back during the depression of 1929 2009…YIKES!
Anyway, I don’t mind going out with them and enjoying them enjoying themselves. It’s cute and I know soon they’ll be way too cool for all this nonsense and I’ll miss it. I don’t mind taking all the Reese’s (cups not pieces, I do have standards when taking candy from children) for myself either.
We used to have a neighbor, whom I considered to be something of a drip and not at all attractive. He had no personality to speak of so we didn’t interact much although our kids were friends. He used to wear this Zorro costume every Halloween. He didn’t look like a drip in that costume at all. I don’t know if it was my obsession with attraction to Antonio Banderas or just the mystery of the black mask, cape and sword (insert Freudian reference here…pun intended) but that costume made Halloween a lot more interesting for me.
What I really can’t stand is office Halloween parties where you’re expected to dress up and sit around working in some ridiculous costume all day just to show you’re a “team player”. God, I hate that phrase. There’s always at least one woman who doesn’t get that while it has become standard to dress like a skank on Halloween (when did that happen anyway?!), it’s probably not the best idea for the office.
The options for adult costumes range from hooker to dork with virtually no options in between those two extremes.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
As if I’d be caught dead in either of those costumes in public! Exhibit A…I’d either get arrested, be banned from the PTA (oops, that’s already happened) or get a LOT of candy. 
Exhibit B….if I were to even consider wearing this ridiculous thing in public I may as well save some money, give up and just wear crocs and sweatpants.
Luckily I get to work from home tomorrow but I didn’t hear about any office dress-up nonsense anyway and I won’t be attending any costume parties. I will do my part by wearing my t-shirt that says “witchy” and wander our well-lit neighborhood with my little monsters, enjoy their fun and steal their chocolate-and-peanut-buttery-goodness.
Thanks for stopping by!
Ohhh I love Halloween! Although I will have to wholeheartedly agree w/ you that times have changed DRASTICALLY in the safety of the evening. When I moved here it was the first year I had my own house to pass out for trick or treaters instead of going out myself (we usually went in huge herds of friends, younger family members, etc.) or going to a party. I was shocked to find out there was a curfew. At first I was all “that’s so stupid!” but then last year a little boy knocked on our door way, way after the curfew – at 9:30pm ALONE and I’d say he was maybe 9 or 10 years old. I was literally in shock and I’ve kicked myself a million times over that I didn’t say anything or ask him where he lived, offer him a phone to call his parents, etc. He is out alone knocking on strangers doors in pitch black way past the time a child of his age should be out!
We went to a Halloween party tonight at a restaurant, but for some odd reason our party of 4 was the only group to dress up, minus a really elderly couple who put on cat ears and drew whiskers. We still managed to have some fun though! But I think working all day in a costume would get hard. I’ve dressed up simplistically in past years (cat ears, devil horn headband, etc), but wouldn’t go full-on costume.
BUT I was just complaining about this female costume situation too. Every costume available to buy pre-made is super skank of the year porn star version OR huge like your flamingo example THUS making it $200-300!!!!! You can sell out yourself and be a skank, or you can sell out the bank and be broke! Basically you’re forced to make your costume at home if you don’t want either of the above and it stinks!
PS I have a Witchy shirt toooo! It has Betty Boop on it and long sleeve – I wear it if it’s cold on Halloween. But if the weather is being skitzo I have a short sleeve one that says Wicked – just as fitting!
Christina´s last blog ..Cauliflower "Risotto"
How inspiring and timely, costume ideas, chocolate talk and sex fantasies all rolled into one. It’s the people who wear costumes that really don’t fit them that scare me. Like seeing Roseanne Barr as Wonder Woman for instance … that would make my eyes bleed.
Dawn´s last blog ..I am Stardust, I am Golden
Yikes. That’s quite a visual. Yep, those are the scariest costumes of all, on Halloween or any other day!
You’ve actually worked in places that encouraged people to dress up for Halloween? Now that’s just asking for trouble.
ok, now remember this comment is coming from one who hasn’t been in the US for a decade and can’t remember that last time she got to celebrate halloween….
WTF? has this country exploded since i left it? halloween stores? i went to walmart looking for a cheap 10 dollar costume. they don’t exist. what happened to plastic masks and capes? it has become so commercialized….
and what is with the slutty costumes? have they always been around but i just never noticed? even last night on TV, i heard several jokes about how this holiday is so great because women dress in next to nothing. is this just another example of how hollywood is justify the objectification of women? or is this really happening?
some times i don’t understand my own country….
consuella´s last blog ..afraid of normal
I really have no idea how this kids’ tradition morphed into an excuse for women to dress like skanks but it has, not just on tv. And the commercialization caused the need for Halloween stores…people decorate their houses like Christmas and even kids’ costumes cost a fortune.
Um….what is wrong with a Grizwold Halloween?!
Stephanie´s last blog ..Green Reading
Ummm…nothing, nothing at all!
My folkdance community, which meets on Saturday nites, will more than likely have a number of costumed dancers. I will not be among them this year,although I do love to dress in costumes. Somehow, just making yourself look completely different than you are brings back a carefree feeling from childhood. And I didn’t have many carefree moments growing up.
karen
Karen Walker´s last blog ..Awards Day
oh my gosh, this post & all the comments made me laugh! I love it. My son keeps asking me what I am dressing up as for halloween, I just keep telling him I will be a “cool mom”. LOL!
The best costumes I dressed as in my adulthood (ok, my 20s) was Monica Lewinski – I had the bob haircut, beret, the coat with the white – well you know – and I handed out 12 inch cigars all night. It was classic.
My second favorite was when my friend and I threw a party at her house. We did not want people to drink & drive so we decided to remind everyone by dressing as victims of drunk driving. We dressed up as if we were going to the bars, then we applied all types of fake cuts & gashes with blood oozing, our white shirts were covered in fake blood, as were our faces, our jeans were ripped with fake pieces of glass protruding out, and on the back of our shirts we wrote in blood red “Friends Don’t Let” — “Friends Drive Drunk”.
Our friends were blown away – my mom wanted to see the costumes so she came to the party well after we were three sheets to the wind. She took us to the store to get more beer, then followed us around with her camera as we approached unsuspecting people in the grocery store asking for help. HAHAH! It was pretty funny.
I remember getting in the shower, it was like the scene from psycho with all the blood.
I am going to have to dig out that picture and post the story on my blog.
Tammy´s last blog ..Post-It Notes – Always there when you need them.
That’s hilarious! You definitely have to post pics!
My costume today at work was “crabby old bitch” — oh wait, I AM a crabby old bitch
)
I would expect nothing less.
Happy Halloween. Chuckles Cyndi, the exibhits made me laugh my heart out. Have a great weekend.
swapna´s last blog ..nothing can go wrong
Thanks, you too!