Comments on: Field Of Ignorance http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/ How many of us lost OURSELVES when we took on the awesome title of MOM? And why did we do that? We are ALL…SO MUCH MORE THAN A MOM! Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:57:13 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Les http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4199 Les Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:28:04 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4199 I, like you, have no problem with completely cutting out a toxic person from my life, at least until they've made a noticeable change. But, like Consuella, there are family members one can't really cut out. Like my mother's chronic negativity. I know she just can't help it, and I don't let it bother me much anymore. I don't visit her so much, but when I'm with her I try to focus on the nice things she does, like cook dinner for us during tax season. I, like you, have no problem with completely cutting out a toxic person from my life, at least until they’ve made a noticeable change. But, like Consuella, there are family members one can’t really cut out. Like my mother’s chronic negativity. I know she just can’t help it, and I don’t let it bother me much anymore. I don’t visit her so much, but when I’m with her I try to focus on the nice things she does, like cook dinner for us during tax season.

]]> By: Tammy http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4196 Tammy Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:00:09 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4196 Cyndi - you are my hero - you were able to write this wonderful post inspired by a cartoon! LOVE IT! This is one of my son's favorite cartoons and I actually chuckle along quite a bit too. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my past relationships. Trying to identify my patterns so I can avoid them in future relationships. I seem to be attracted to people that end up sucking the life out of me or give far more than they take. Your last post on manipulation had me bobbing my yes to every description. These post have been helpful. Now, if I can steer clear of these personalities. .-= Tammy´s last blog ..<a href="http://origazgirl.blogspot.com/2009/10/moving-day.html" rel="nofollow">Moving Day!</a> =-. Cyndi – you are my hero – you were able to write this wonderful post inspired by a cartoon! LOVE IT! This is one of my son’s favorite cartoons and I actually chuckle along quite a bit too.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my past relationships. Trying to identify my patterns so I can avoid them in future relationships. I seem to be attracted to people that end up sucking the life out of me or give far more than they take.

Your last post on manipulation had me bobbing my yes to every description.

These post have been helpful. Now, if I can steer clear of these personalities.
Tammy´s last blog ..Moving Day! My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Dawn http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4194 Dawn Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:58:48 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4194 Abusers and enablers of the world ... hear Cyndi roar. .-= Dawn´s last blog ..<a href="http://morsemusings.wordpress.com/2009/10/24/t-minus-marvelous/" rel="nofollow">T Minus Marvelous</a> =-. Abusers and enablers of the world … hear Cyndi roar.
Dawn´s last blog ..T Minus Marvelous My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4193 Cyndi Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:36:26 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4193 Well...you just gave me the topic of my next post! Thanks. :) Well…you just gave me the topic of my next post! Thanks. :)

]]> By: consuella http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4191 consuella Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:05:40 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4191 manipulative people. oh how i am surrounded by them! so the question is, how do you ignore members of your own family? and i am talking about mom, dad and sister, not my husband...it isn't like i can choose not to be with them! .-= consuella´s last blog ..<a href="http://consuellabananahammock.wordpress.com/2009/10/25/afraid-of-normal/" rel="nofollow">afraid of normal</a> =-. manipulative people. oh how i am surrounded by them! so the question is, how do you ignore members of your own family? and i am talking about mom, dad and sister, not my husband…it isn’t like i can choose not to be with them!
consuella´s last blog ..afraid of normal My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4190 Cyndi Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:11:45 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4190 LOL - try creating your own that will follow you wherever you go at http://en.gravatar.com/. Otherwise, each blog will just choose one for you. :) LOL – try creating your own that will follow you wherever you go at http://en.gravatar.com/. Otherwise, each blog will just choose one for you. :)

]]> By: NC Focused http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4189 NC Focused Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:42:45 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4189 Thanks! I'm loving the blog and as a new blogger am still trying to figure out why that weird face appears every time i leave a reply. I consider myself much less frazzled these days as compared to that face! Thanks! I’m loving the blog and as a new blogger am still trying to figure out why that weird face appears every time i leave a reply. I consider myself much less frazzled these days as compared to that face!

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4188 Cyndi Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:26:32 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4188 I love Melody Beattie and I was so exactly where you were. I love this: "We can find the courage, when appropriate,to confront discrepancies in words and actions-not to shame, blame, or find fault, but to help us stay in touch with reality and with our needs. We can give and receive love where behavior matches one’s words. We deserve to receive and give the best that love has to offer.” Good for you for separating the BS from the truth! And BTW...welcome from NC, one of my favorite places! :) I love Melody Beattie and I was so exactly where you were.

I love this: “We can find the courage, when appropriate,to confront discrepancies in words and actions-not to shame, blame, or find fault, but to help us stay in touch with reality and with our needs.
We can give and receive love where behavior matches one’s words. We deserve to receive and give the best that love has to offer.”

Good for you for separating the BS from the truth!

And BTW…welcome from NC, one of my favorite places! :)

]]> By: NC Focused http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4187 NC Focused Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:24:27 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4187 One of my favorite devotionals/meditations is from Melody Beattie's, The Language of Letting Go. The July 17th meditation titled Love in Words and Action states... " We can come to expect congruency in behavior from others. We can diminish the impact of words alone and insist that behavior and words match. We can find the courage, when appropriate,to confront discrepancies in words and actions-not to shame, blame, or find fault, but to help us stay in touch with reality and with our needs. We can give and receive love where behavior matches one's words. We deserve to receive and give the best that love has to offer." This was one of the those passages I re-read again and again while I was detaching from the N in my life. His main tactic was the assent, verbally agreeing to anything to make the conflict/issue/ go away- yet never following through with the actions. For a while I had this sense that something was not right, but it took time to realize how many promises were empty. Until the realization that I was stuck in an intricately spun web, I battled daily with those thoughts of "How could I not see this?" "This can't be happening" "There must be something I'm not understanding" "None of this makes sense" etc. In essence accepting responsibility for the actions of another. Today, I understand more clearly, after several years of deconstructing, that I was being manipulated. My feelings were normal, and my reactions were appropriate for the situation. What a revelation!! One of my favorite devotionals/meditations is from Melody Beattie’s, The Language of Letting Go. The July 17th meditation titled Love in Words and Action states…
” We can come to expect congruency in behavior from others. We can diminish the impact of words alone and insist that behavior and words match.
We can find the courage, when appropriate,to confront discrepancies in words and actions-not to shame, blame, or find fault, but to help us stay in touch with reality and with our needs.
We can give and receive love where behavior matches one’s words. We deserve to receive and give the best that love has to offer.”

This was one of the those passages I re-read again and again while I was detaching from the N in my life. His main tactic was the assent, verbally agreeing to anything to make the conflict/issue/ go away- yet never following through with the actions. For a while I had this sense that something was not right, but it took time to realize how many promises were empty. Until the realization that I was stuck in an intricately spun web, I battled daily with those thoughts of “How could I not see this?” “This can’t be happening” “There must be something I’m not understanding” “None of this makes sense” etc. In essence accepting responsibility for the actions of another.
Today, I understand more clearly, after several years of deconstructing, that I was being manipulated. My feelings were normal, and my reactions were appropriate for the situation. What a revelation!!

]]> By: Cyndi http://somuchmorethanamom.com/2009/10/25/field-of-ignorance/comment-page-1/#comment-4186 Cyndi Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:07:32 +0000 http://somuchmorethanamom.com/?p=2844#comment-4186 LOL - I don't think any of us ever recover from the Walmart pics. :) LOL – I don’t think any of us ever recover from the Walmart pics. :)

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