Why Do I Do This
“Strength isn’t about bearing a cross of grief or shame. Strength comes from choosing your own path, and living with the consequences.” — Jennifer Armintrout
It has been almost a year since I started blogging. As many people do when milestones are approaching, I have looked back over the past year of my life and at what I have written about. I have started to wonder why the hell I do this. Why do I blog?
Like my friend Tammy, who recently asked the same question on her blog, I’ve always been very private, not sharing much with anyone other than my closest friends and family. It is completely out of character for me to write about my most painful experiences, embarrassing moments, and deepest darkest thoughts.
And therein lies the answer.
I started blogging because well, I had nothing better to do. I was unemployed and it was November so my kids were in school. I couldn’t travel or shop because of the financial situation we were in as a result of my unemployment. I was on the internet all day anyway looking for jobs.
I was also coming to the realization that when I became a mom I lost myself completely. I wanted to talk about all of those other roles I gave up when I became a mom because I started noticing that others in my life seemed to have done the same. I figured if I had done it, and some people I know had done it, there must be others out there too. I was right, wasn’t I? I am still amazed at all the women I have met through blogging who are struggling with their own identities. I’m even more amazed by all the people in my life, even distant business acquaintances, who have contacted me after a blog post to say they have been there too. I would never have known were it not for this blog. Each person I have ever heard from has taught me something and I couldn’t be more grateful to each and every one.
What I’ve come to realize in the year that I’ve been writing about all of this was that it wasn’t just that I lost my own identity when I became a mom. The truth is that I jumped into that role voluntarily giving up all others. I was ashamed of my choices, my life, myself. Being a good mom was something I could definitely handle. I cut off almost all other parts of my identity because it was comfortable and much easier to do than to face my own shame.
The only role I didn’t give up was my role as an ambitious career woman. I kept on working and pursuing promotions and success. That was the only other role I knew I could handle. It was also another huge distraction that allowed me to ignore my shame. Between being a mom and working full time, I made certain that I didn’t have the time or energy to ask myself some tough questions about who I had become. That all ended when the mortgage industry tanked, launching me into this mid-life crisis that has turned out to be the biggest learning experience of my life.
So, that’s why I do this. I put my thoughts out there and am rewarded in two ways. The first way is that I simply get to release what I was born and bred to hide and feel ashamed of…my own thoughts and feelings. The second way is that I find out other people feel exactly the same way or have a different perspective to offer, but either way, get where I am coming from.
Thanks for stopping by!
I for one am DELIGHTED your job situation ‘tanked.’ You’re not having a midlife crisis and neither am I Cyndi … no, we’re just enjoying life from a different perspective
Your blog is better than TV could ever be … I am SO VERY HAPPY you began blogging.
Well, thank you Dawn, and so am I or I never would have met you.
I’m not so sure I’m delighted about my job situation tanking but you’re right, it did give me the opportunity to enjoy life from a MUCH different perspective.
Almost a whole year, huh? And I think I met you here not too long after you started. Time sure does fly. I hope you have many more years of writing in you!
Thanks & I hope you do too!
i’m glad you started blogging & that i was lucky enough to find your blog.
Ditto!
we all begin blogs for different reasons. some of us just want to try our hand at expressing ourselves with words. others find in it an amusing hobby. for me, and maybe for you because we seem to share this particular struggle, it was a safe place to say some things that were hard to say. blogs are impersonal enough that they can give us courage to open up. just that little bit of sharing then gives us more courage to open up even more. and the glory of it all is that other bloggers begin to respond, admit that they too have walked a similar road. then we don’t feel so isolated and alone. the result, we open up even more. it is a wonderful cycle when you think of it.
i’m glad that you started blogging. i’m glad i entered “mom blogs” into the search engine and found yours. keep writing. keep growing. keep sharing. i really do believe it makes a difference.
Very well said. And thank you. I’m glad I found your blog too.
Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary and thanks for sharing the journey. I’m on the other side of the river– kids all grown and the active mommy role over and I’m here to tell you that all those pieces of yourself do come together again and you find yourself in a new and wonderful deeper way once you have time to breathe again. Kudos on a great job
Thank you so much!
I really enjoyed reading this post! Before starting my blog, my husband couldn’t comprehend anyone spending as much time on recipes, cooking, reading food magazines and watching Food Network – now he knows there are THOUSANDS just like me!
Everyone blogs for different reasons – I mainly started mine because my sister would ask me “what did you make for dinner?” and I’d go into great detail, only to see my dinner on her blog the next day (that she never made!).
Thank you, and welcome! For the record….I am like your sister in the cooking department.
Hmm, I think I started blogging because I read a few and said, h#ll, if they can do it, so can I. And from the gobs of money I’ve been raking in from my blog (gobs = 0), we know that I have succeeded.
LOL – yes, I’ve raked in the exact same dollar amount of gobs.