The End Of Innocence
“Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When happily ever after fails
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales”
- The End of the Innocence
My 11 year old son figured out that Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny were all nonsense several years ago. He had heard rumors so pretended to be asleep one night when the tooth fairy paid him a visit. We were busted. He seemed to react the same way I did when I figured it out. I was proud of myself. I felt pretty damn smart to have outwitted my parents. He seemed to feel the same way. He was sworn to secrecy and has done an excellent job of keeping this from his younger brother. I think he secretly liked knowing something that his little brother didn’t.
That all ended today. My soon to be 9 year old son started grilling me about these characters while I was making dinner tonight. I kept the denial going by asking him why he thought they weren’t real, who else would be bringing these gifts to him, etc. I kept it up for a good 20 minutes. I wanted proof that he knew. I wanted to hear that someone had told him or that he had figured it out somehow, similar to how his brother had. He wasn’t budging. He had no proof but he just knew. He insisted that I please just admit it. I finally caved and told him the truth. Then his older brother chimed in with how he found out about these parental lies and furthermore, how he had seen the Wii
At first my youngest son seemed quite pleased with himself. He was finally in on the big secret. He did insist that he still wants an Easter basket each year and I assured him that this discovery isn’t the end of Christmas presents. We all went on with our chosen activities. He went outside to ride his bike.
He came back home a short time later and I heard his older brother ask him what was wrong. They started talking in whispers but I heard something about, “what mommy said”. I thought….shit. What did I say?! I hadn’t gotten angry at either of them for any reason and couldn’t even remember making any sarcastic remarks either (which is a time honored tradition in my family). I went downstairs and my youngest son was crying. I mean really crying.
He was heartbroken about the whole Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny thing! I felt awful. I had struggled with introducing these mythical figures from the beginning. It just didn’t seem right to lie to your kids. I finally figured that all the other kids would be talking about them and maybe it is just a magical part of childhood that I shouldn’t deny them. And yet, now that the truth is out, my baby is sad. Through his tears he said, “I just wish they were real.”.
So do I Sweetie. So do I.
Thanks for stopping by!
oh, so sad, isn’t it, the end of those magical ideas! my son has still not ‘fessed up about santa, although he sure knows about the tooth fairy and the easter bunny.
my daughter pestered me for a number of years, but was always satisfied by my answers. then a couple of years back, she said “mommy, tell me the REAL truth, do you and daddy put the presents under the tree?”
the REAL truth?? i had to tell her. i did so as gently as i could (and quietly), and she promptly burst into tears and ran into her room, throwing herself on the bed sobbing. i was stunned and heartbroken! i managed to backpedal things enough to get us through a wonderful christmas, and the next year she had accepted it, and played santa (a little) with us for her brother.
last year, she told me that she wished santa was real. i replied that he is, just not in the way she thought he was.
this year will be my son’s turn i am sure, although i have a feeling it will not be the confrontational thing it was with my daughter. i don’t think he will ever state it, it will just be.
yeah, i was devastated when i learned the truth as a kid. one of my friends told me and then teased me because i didn’t know. horrible night! but i have perpetuated the fantasy with my kids too. interesting that we think we would be denying our kids something if we didn’t go through this charade!
I know, it is so bizarre. You’d think we would have outgrown peer pressure by the time we became parents.
“You’d think we would have outgrown peer pressure by the time we became parents.” Love it
I dearly loved playing Santa, though my kids, one by one outwitted me. I confessed to each of them that I really hoped they’d continue believing, and looking at them and saying I hoped we could keep pretending in the magic of Santa, the tooth fairy and Easter Bunny even though we knew it was just for fun. And by golly, it is fun. I especially like going to the mall and whispering into Santa’s ear every year … still. May it always be so.
I cannot even believe that you got me to cry this morning!! What I haven’t figured out, yet, is for whom.
EXCELLENT post!
@JohnScottSmith
Aww…thanks John! I know, I’m not sure if I’m having a pity party or if I just feel really bad for my son…..or a little of both.
Oh how sad! Poor little guy! I remember discovering that Santa wasn’t real, and then I figured taht the rest weren’t. Fortunately , how I found out Santa wasn’t real was a series of hysterical mess-ups by my family, so we all laughed. I remember feeling let down, but I didn’t cry. Also, I’m an insanely inquisitive person, so I always turn to research. I quelched my Santa let down by learning of other countries Santa traditions.
Definitely had me crying too. For the loss of my own innocence, and the wish that I could protect my children from the loss of theirs. All that magic and expectation, but really the “knowing” and “believing” that gets lost… but as Dawn put it so nicely – I think that we can keep some of that magic, it just exists in a different way.
Someone once passed on an excellent e-mail to me, and I plan to follow its example by explaining to my children that Santa is really the ’spirit of giving’ that is in each of us, and I hope they too discover how much more fun it is to play Santa – I remember the first year eldest child was old enough to really ‘get it’ and the joy and delight on her face to see the tree filled with presents – hands down beat out any Christmas morning gift extravaganza I had as a kid…
Thanks for this post, Cyndi
i was angry when i figured out the santa claus thing. then i stomped back in the room and said, “and i bet there’s no easter bunny either, is there?” after my anger passed, i bawled. i didn’t like being lied too and the magic of those holidays was gone for me now. it made me sad.
This is always a difficult situation for parents and children. We know that the spirit of these mythical figures live on, however the grieving over the lost of what we thought was real is very real to the child.
I am reminded of the move “Miracle of 34th St” where the little girl was never lied to about Santa Claus by her mother, yet she is exposed to a man who believes himself to be Santa. It is all about the spirit of Santa, Easter Bunny and so forth.
Loved the so-apt poem you selected for this post. Its a bit sad when the magic ends.Magic and fantasy is such a big colorful world for the little ones..
Hey Cyndi! This one made me cry, but it was a good one.
Thanks!
Hey stranger! Thank you.
*sniff* Poor little guy:( That’s so sad… I am SO not looking forward to that conversation with my kids. Thankfully, we have a few years left. I think you handled the situation very well though!
Wendy will be 31 years old in 2 weeks and she still hasn’t forgiven me for telling her the truth about Santa when she was 5. She said to me “there isn’t really a Santa is there” so I told her the truth. Like Aidan she couldn’t handle the truth
)and still brings it up every Christmas.
That’s hilarious! I didn’t know that. What a brat.
I’m sure Aidan will never let me forget it either, although he’ll conveniently forget that he hounded me for 20 minutes about it. He told me yesterday that he wishes I never told him. We just can’t win.
OMG, Cyndi. That’s so sad and yet so similar to what happened here. My kids were almost too old in my opinion to still believe (like middle school) but I think they had their doubts and just didn’t want to end the charade and neither did I. Then my oldest started digging and bugging me, making me repeat and reassure them of these “little white lies” until I just couldn’t stand it anymore and I kind of broke down and said that I knew they already knew the truth so quit torturing me. Even though I’m pretty sure they all knew, they were still devastated to hear it all out in the open and I felt like shit.
Being a parent is so hard sometimes.
I can’t believe what parallel lives we’re living as moms! My youngest is nine years old and I just used those three shady characters in a post too! I like how you went about it — from the kids’ perspective. I think you’re my soulmom!
Shady characters – love that! It never ceases to impress me how many of “out there” are all going through such similar things at exactly the same time.