Epic Cooking FAIL
“A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.” – Katharine Whitehorn
I have written quite a bit about my much maligned father. However, as I’m sure is true with just about everyone, there were some good times too. When he wanted to be he was absolutely hysterical with a biting wit and also acted like a little kid in many ways. I was reminded of this today.
My aunt sent an e-mail to my sister and I asking for recipes and/or family cooking stories to share in a cookbook she’s putting together for her daughter who recently moved out on her own. My sister is an excellent cook. I’ve come a long way, but am still domestically challenged. My response to my aunt’s e-mail was pretty much along the lines of, “I’ve got nothing, go ask my sister.”.
My sister, who occasionally blogs over at Be Green Save Green, responded with the e-mail below. I have re-posted it here in it’s entirety. I have no idea if anyone reading this will find it anywhere near as hilarious as we do but I couldn’t resist. When I first read it, I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face for 10 minutes. Without further ado, for your reading pleasure, may I present a small glimpse into our lives when our father decided to cook:
You wanted a food/story about mom & dad?! Well, frankly, neither one of them had any culinary skills to speak of! However, about once a year dad would get a hair up his a$$ and bust out the giant cast iron skillet……this dish came out different every time, but the main ingredients are as follows:
1) 1 box of Kraft Mac & Cheese
2) 1 pound of hamburger meat
3) 1 bag of the nastiest/about to expire frozen veggies you can find in the freezer (“Oriental Blend” or Lima Beans are preferred)
4) 1 can of corn
5) 1 mini jar of pimentos (We have NO IDEA why these things were readily available each and every time!)
After you brown the meat and drain off the grease (into a coffee can, you know….for the war effort!) add the Mac & Cheese and follow instructions. Then dump in the rest and cook until you almost can NOT distinguish between the ingredients.
Voila! You have the annual favorite: Big Dad Stud Surprise!
Now, go order a pizza because if this sounds good you have NO business being in the kitchen!
He named it himself. I believe it was a variation on the name of a Western that he liked to watch. Yes, in fact, it did taste as horrific as it sounds. It resembled something like this:
This picture really doesn't do it justice. It was worse.
Thanks for stopping by!
OMG. Is that a pretzel on the spoon? It does look gross. sorry.
That is not an actual picture, just the closest thing I could find. No apologies necessary, it was awful!
haha ewwww! Glad both of my parents could cook!
I thought you would be especially repulsed by this one.
eew! And yes, it was hilarious! I can only imagine.
that is too funny — my dad had a soup recipe that used canned minestrone as a base, with hotdogs and who knows what else he added in. he made it the first time when he and i were both home sick — i was about 10. he always claimed that it meant he could cook — i always thought it was proof that he couldn’t
it is pretty gross looking…. what a picture!
Well that looks horrifying! Did you actually eat it?
It’s not an actual picture, just the most disgusting thing I could find online that resembled it. We choked down as much of it as we could. He thought it was fantastic!
Ugh! You actually had to eat that?
LMFAO!!! I can’t believe you actually did it! Silly girl!
It was too funny, I had to do it.
Reading the ingredients and then seeing the picture, such a horror. I totally dig your sisters humor.