Taking The High Road (sort of) On Twitter
“Old lady judges watch people in pairs
Limited in sex, they dare
To push fake morals, insult and stare
While money doesn’t talk, it swears
Obscenity, who really cares
Propaganda, all is phony.”
- Bob Dylan / It’s Alright Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)
This morning someone I follow on Twitter but have never actually spoken to sent me a direct message saying the following….
i am going to unfollow for now – check what your twitterfeed is sending out in tweets – NOT positive 
I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I could have offended someone I had never even spoken to so I asked….
I got your DM but don’t understand what you’re talking about?
This was her response….
- your twitterfeed that u automatically set up has sad & depressing stories feeding to your twitter account
I have no idea why we were following each other, except that we are both moms. I will sometimes follow other moms just to see if they have anything of interest to stay. In this woman’s case, we had never crossed paths before. I don’t recall ever even reading anything she had posted on Twitter.
This little exchange bothered me way more than it should have. I was prepared to write back several different versions of expletive filled responses with the overall theme that I thought she was incredibly rude for criticizing what I had to say when we had never even spoken. She could have just stopped following me without the little instruction to “check what your twitterfeed is sending out in tweets” and there was no reason for her to announce her new status as an un-follower. I didn’t even know her and she didn’t know me. I don’t automate my posts on twitter, although I do post from other online applications. Maybe she doesn’t quite know how all those whoozy-whatsits work.
It bothered me because I have been feeling pretty dark lately and thought maybe I’ve become one of those humorless depressing people who sucks the life out of everyone around them. Oh yeah, that’s where my mind goes. Yep, one comment from one stranger and I considered the possibility that I am defective in some way.
Strangely enough, being completely neurotic, I’m also vindictive. There were many nasty comments that I considered slinging back at her (I ended up simply saying only; my tweets aren’t automatic & thanks for the feedback.). I consider this taking the high road. It’s as high of a road as I was capable of taking. You’ll notice that I didn’t take such a high road that I am refraining from devoting an entire blog post to this ridiculous conversation. But, I didn’t indulge my inner bitch by getting into a cat fight on twitter with this judgmental stranger either. I guess I took the middle road, as any good Buddhist would do.
I finally decided there must be some common ground and proceeded to over-analyze what articles/posts she could be referring to. In the time-frame in which she decided to unfollow me, I posted links to an article I wrote on my other blog defining physical abuse, an article I read about Merrill Lynch bonuses, a link to my blog post Karma Really Is A Bitch, an article from a psychology site about marital problems and focusing on yourself and the relationship instead of blaming your partner and playing the victim, an article about a proposal for U.S. public health care to pay for abortions and an article about a conversation George W. Bush had in 2003 with the president of France.
From there I concluded that she either didn’t read any of the actual articles or is a soulless, heartless woman. The only two articles that could even remotely be labeled as “sad and depressing” are my two blog posts. One is from my other blog, on which I am trying to raise awareness or do something about child abuse. The other is from this blog and is about karma, abused children and my friend who has breast cancer. If she read either of these two articles, and considers herself to be a “nice” person, then she is fooling herself. I’m not going to deny that either of these could be considered sad and depressing. It’s possible. But guess what, I’m trying to do something about things that are sad and depressing in my life and writing about them helps me do that.
How dare this self-righteous bitch judge me for that?
Guess what honey, life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Not even your life. No matter how hard you try to make everyone think you and your family are perfect, I’m not buying it, and neither is anyone else. I may have a dark side but at least I’m real you stepford wife.
I also checked her stream of comments and her blog. To say that they were nauseating would be an insult to nausea. They weren’t interesting enough to elicit any physical reaction besides a yawn. She likes to talk about naptime, playdates, housecleaning and reading a kids’ book about crochet. No, I’m not making this stuff up. Besides that, her blog isn’t even open for comments. She simply wants to blather on about whatever boring-ass crap is going on in her perfect little home and couldn’t care less about any other insights or opinions. Not that anyone reads the thing anyway, other than to help them fall asleep at night.
It finally dawned on me. I’ve stumbled across one of the quintessential “Mommy Bloggers” that give the rest of us a bad name. See, her blog is actually tied to her website where she sells web design and training and also sells cutesy mommy crap. Her blog is just a front. Another way to get more mommies into her store or to pay her to set them up with a website so they can get rich working from home, just like her.
She can stay in her own little “positive-only” world until it blows up in her face. I’ll stay in mine, flaws and all.
Thanks for stopping by!
Whoa! Am I starting to rub off on you? haha. This is better than some of my finest pissed off rants! I love it–and can totally relate. Those holier than thou folks really kind of gag me.
And I LOVE the Dylan lyrics.
I am honored that you think this is better than some of yours. I don’t agree. You’re damn good at this. It’s funny, after I hit that publish button, I thought of you because I realized that this was, in fact, a rant.
Anytime I can sneak great music in it’s a good thing.
Oh snap! I love it! Way to speak your mind! That being said… I LOVE your blog! I love that you write intelligently. That you speak about issues that mean something to you. And although I do often talk about the mundane things in life, I do it more as a way to chronicle my kids lives for their reading in the future. I hope I don’t come across as one of those moms who can only blog about naptime, etc. If I do… feel free to “unfollow me” LOL!!
Thank you Jess! I too have written blog posts about my kids, etc….we all have. You are an excellent writer and even when you are writing about mundane things, you make it interesting and usually hilarious. You do NOT come off like little ms. holier than thou stepford biatch…I love your blog too!
i started Ms. Modern, a site for all women on June 1 b/c as a single woman, i get tired of all the bland mommy talk out there. i have nothing against mom bloggers, but as a whole, they have nothing to offer someone like me. that’s why i like your blog and that’s why Ms. Modern is geared towards women AS women and not as wives or mothers, etc. http://www.msmodern.com
i’ve kind of let the interesting articles get behind on there b/c i’m so darn exhausted right now, but i guess that happens sometimes.
How bizarre! I guess just let her float back to her little bubble world of pink unicorns and pretend like “not positive” and “sad and depressing” stuff doesn’t happen in this pwetty wittle world of ours. *rolls eyes*
I am rolling….laughing my ass off!
That was a great rant – the perfect read for this morning as I drag myself in to working mode! HA!
I know exactly the type of person “she” is. She obviously never read your blog.
This is going to make me chuckle all day!
As my wise old Grumpy (g’dad) used to say, “Everybody’s looking for a pot to piss in, don’t let it be yours…”
I’m familiar with women and their insecure little selves. Same for Christians who turn their nose up when they hear I am divorced.
Consider yourself a star quality human … she can’t stand in your light.
Some people are born on third base. Thank God I wasn’t one of them I might be as ridiculous as she is.
i LOVE this post!! so funny! i could just feel your rant right from the heart! you go, cyndi! maybe this woman lives in my little stepford town
what, she’s reprimanding you for having a REAL life???
btw, reminds me of this really phony girl that lived on my hallway one year (senior year) of college. i passed by her on campus about a week before finals — i was taking five chemistry courses a semester my senior year, as well as an undergrad thesis, and i was FRIED. she called out “how are ya?” with a perky blonde smile, and i replied something along the lines of “i can’t wait till next week is over, i’m FRIED”. to which she retorted “why can’t you just say fine like everybody else!”
Thanks Lynette! Your story makes me want to puke. I hate fake perky people. I’m sorry, EVERYONE has bad days (and weeks, months, years….etc.). Why do people pretend otherwise?! It’s so annoying. And, if she didn’t want an answer, why the f— did she ask?!
and that was exactly my answer to her
maybe she is the stepford mom you heard from on twitter!
Ha! I’m so glad you did. I’m sure if I had been in that situation, that would have been one of those moments where I thought about what I should have said 2 hours later. I hate that too!
Maybe they are all just so freakin’ similar (and boring) that they all just seem like the same person.
Hey Cyndi,
Been away for a while. Glad to be back here again.
Its a refreshing solace as always to see you pour out with no veils for your words.
Have a nice Sunday.
Thanks, you too! And, welcome back.
What I love about your blog is that you are open and honest about some really tough emotions and thoughts. But what has endeared your writing to me is that you present these tough things with honesty and depth but without being nasty and judgemental. A blog I followed until recently that at one time presented issues and thoughts that I generally agreed with suddenly became crass and harsh and nasty in the author’s open criticism of thoughts that differed from her own. I think that it is very important that people present their ideas and thoughts to others so that open discussion can ensue, but when such ideas and thoughts are presented with open hositility to opposition, no true discussion and enlightenment can follow. I love your blog for being from the heart but also for the sense that you present yourself as not being perfect and having all the answers. Your vulnerability is refreshing.
Thank you so much Michelle. However, I can’t claim that this particular post was not judgemental. I was definitely judging her for judging me! I was pissed off and this was a pure rant.
Normally though, I do try not to come across this way for the very reason that I WANT open discussion. I want to hear different opinions and insights. I want to be questioned and challenged. Conversations (even written ones like this) are no fun at all if everyone involved always agrees and/or gets upset when others don’t agree…provided, of course, that everyone involved is polite about it. Most of the time, I am polite. This time…not so much.
In this situation, I just couldn’t believe that someone who clearly wants to look at the positive side of things would go out of her way to be critical of someone whom she has never spoken to about extremely personal issues.
I absolutely agree that conversations with completely like-minded people can be dull. I usually seek out the people at a gathering who I know don’t hold my same opinions on things but who I also know will engage in a conversation about the differences without being judgemental, opinionated or otherwise obstreperous. There is a way to engage in conversation where there are vast differences in viewpoints that can be enlightening to both parties. It doesn’t necessarily mean you can/will sway the other person to your side, but you can at least enjoy the diversity of opinion. Sometimes I think people feel like if the person they are talking with has a different viewpoint that it wasn’t a successful conversation if they haven’t swayed that person. Or, I think people feel attacked when a person innocently asks them to explain their position. They think they are being judged and that just breeds a hostile reaction and you get nowhere after that. It always amazes me though, that the people who say you shouldn’t judge, are doing just that when they make that statement.
Guilty as charged in this case! I’m not always mature when I’m pissed off.
I think people who feel the need to sway others to their point of view on any topic are either trying to justify their own views (or simply confirm them), trying to help or they want something.
While I might not care what a stranger at a party thinks about a given topic, that same conversation with my husband takes on a whole new meaning. Parenting for example….I may want him to agree with me on how to handle a certain situation with the kids because I think I’m right, I don’t want us to argue and I want us to do a good job raising our kids. In that case, I want something.
If I’m at a party and someone else has a different parenting style, it may give me something to think about and consider. On the other hand, I may just think they’re nuts and/or their kids are bratty, or whatever…but changing their mind would hold no importance to me, unless it seems as if their children are suffering (as in abuse). In that case, it would become very important to me to sway them.
The funny thing is that you never truly know where anyone is coming from without talking about it but we all seem to have such a difficult time communitcating that even talking doesn’t always clear things up!
I LOVE YOU! LOL! Seriously. I was crazy enough to take on the task of homeschooling. Yeah, I know. I felt my self esteem slip right out the window being around these women who put on that “perfect-mommy-I-adore-being-around-my kids-24-hours-a day-and-never-tire-of-them LIE. I began to think that there was something wrong with ME that they annoy me when they fight, that they even DO fight because in lala mommy land their kids never fight. What is wrong with me that it is a battle to get my daughter to do schoolwork, and even more of a battle to get my son to stop walking across her books and throwing pencils at her head for attention. What is wrong with me that *gasp* – I NEED time for myself?
One particularly hard day my kids was annoying the hell out of me and I said (and if you knew me you would know I have a keen, yet sometimes twisted sense of humor) “do you think if I killed my kids I could call it pesticide?” These women looked at me like I had 52 heads. I immediately feared that they would call CPS on me. Geez. Lighten up ladies. I am NOT going to REALLY kill my kids. In my world humor blows off steam.
I don’t know what this has to with your post – oh yes I do. The fakey fake happy mommy bloggers who don’t post about reality, because blogs, like TV, are designed to make us feel worse about OUR reality in comparison to someone elses perceived reality. And many women would rather ride the high horse of denial then even admit the ground is muddy – these are the fakey fake homeschool moms I know and *gag* fake boob, fake face, fake everything plastic surgery barbie dolls I live around who have to maintain this image because it’s ALL they have.
Well thank you! I love you too….unless you piss me off on twitter.
You are a freakin’ saint for taking on homeschooling. I can’t keep up with my boys’ 3rd & 5th grades’ homework in public school!
I too have a twisted sense of humor and humor blows off steam in my world too. That is hilarious! Pesticide. I love it. I have seen the look you are talking about. It’s why I don’t fit in with most of the PTA moms or “my-kid-is-enrolled-in-5000-activities-and-I-just-love-spending-my-entire-life-sitting-at-all-these-practices” moms. I didn’t realize we were back in Jr. High with all the cliques and I certainly can’t pretend that I believe in the Cleaver family or unicorns. I don’t want to fit in with delusional people (or blatant fake liars), in life or online.
Welcome to my dark and twisted blog and thank you for your comments!
PESTICIDE!!! LMAO!!!
Hey – I am a PTA mom (or PTSO where I am from) the President no less and I would crack that joke. Freakin’ funny! Of course, I would likely get looks from the other moms. I live in area with many Catholic & Mormon families…where everything is always peaches & cream on the outside. (Don’t send me hate mail…I am just sayin’)
PESTICIDE..that one is going to keep me rolling for the rest of the day.
Me too…I’ve already repeated it! Cheryl, I gave you full credit. Tammy…you must have the coolest PTA ever if you’re the President! There is literally only ONE mom that I know who is really involved with the PTA, she’s a room mom, etc. who I can relate to. The others seem to live FOR the PTA, school, activities, with no other interests whatsoever. It’s really quite creepy and boring.