Our 12th Anniversary
“It’s better to have loved and lost than to be nagged about buying a damn anniversary gift every year.” — Joey Green
Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. We agreed long ago, I’m pretty sure it was by our 2nd anniversary, that we would not buy each other gifts or cards for our anniversary. We do celebrate it. The same way every year. We go to dinner in the restaurant at the country club where we had our wedding reception. This may sound boring to some but I love traditions. This is one of my favorites.
I’m assuming that hubby agreed to the no gift/card rule for the same reasons I did, but I don’t know that for sure. See, I don’t like obligatory gift giving and cards. Each year on this day, we would each feel obligated to purchase some sort of gift and some sappy card, no matter what. That just seems insincere to me. I much prefer when hubby is out in the world and sees something he knows I will like and picks it up for me. I prefer that I hear “I love you” or something from him about how happy he is to be married to me on any other day, when it’s spontaneous and comes from the heart.
There is also a huge difference between getting married (the wedding) and being married (life). Anniversaries celebrate the wedding day, and that’s a great thing to celebrate. Having said that, it’s even more important to celebrate the marriage, flaws and all, that we have worked damn hard at making a good one.
July 19, 1997
Yes, the wedding was beautiful and the reception was a blast. After that, it was just…life. There is no fairy tale and there is no happily ever after. I can say that today, we are happier and closer and in a much better place than we ever have been before. We aren’t perfect but no one ever is. We have fun together, he’s a great dad, we can usually communicate well, the sex is still amazing, we have learned a lot about ourselves and each other over the past year, and I love where we are today.
That scares the crap out of me. As has been well documented on this blog, I spent the majority of our first 10 years of marriage busily ignoring, avoiding and denying all of my own thoughts, emotions, wants and needs. I did whatever I thought I needed to do to avoid conflict and I now realize, only had one foot in the door. One foot was always out. I always had, in the back of my head, the idea that divorce was always an option. I constantly vacillated between wanting to stay and wanting to go. I held grudges and built up a ton of resentment. All of that is gone now. I am a different person. I actually like this guy and don’t have one foot out the door.
Why does that scare me? Because I have more to lose now. With one foot out the door, if he did something I didn’t like, or chose to leave himself, I was already halfway there so it wouldn’t have been as painful. Now that I’m all-in, it will be excruciatingly painful if anything occurs that causes a major rift between us. Intimacy issues? No, not this girl! 
I’m happy we’ve made it to 12. I’m happy we’re going out for our traditional dinner. I’m happy he’s still sexy as hell and that for some strange reason (love truly is blind), he still thinks I am too. Despite my fears, I’m happy that for the first time in my life, I’m actually living it. And I’m proud of us.
Thanks for stopping by!
Such a profound post. I love the wedding picture!!! Man, you are such a babe … and look at those flowers. I’m happy imagining the two of you enjoying this day and many more years together to come.
Enjoy!
Thanks Dawn!
Lovely post… and I love that quote too!
Happy anniversary x
congratulations, cyndi, i hope you have a wonderful celebration
you both totally deserve it. twelve years requires a lot of work!
Congratulations!
Thanks so much everyone!
Kick ass post – congratulations, girl!!! To the both of you…cheers to many more and to a long, happy & healthy life.
Yay!
~Jaim
Congratulations on finding your “happily ever after”!!!!
What a wonderful post. Especially the part about being halfway in the door— man, I can relate to that. I’ve never been able to put my finger on it, but that’s pretty much why it took me so long to get to the altar. Needed to get my whole self in the door:)
Happy Anniversary!
I have to admit that I sort of got that concept from a Bon Jovi song! Til We Ain’t Strangers Anymore.
I never could put my finger on it before I heard that either.
“Sometimes it’s hard to love me
Sometimes it’s hard to love you too
I know it’s hard believing
That love can pull us through
It would be so easy
To live your life
With one foot out the door”
ya know, i think THAT is MY problem! actually i think i definitely had both feet in the door until…. and since then, always one foot out.
i loved this post. happy anniversary
Beautiful wedding picture! Glad you guys are enjoying the life.
great post- very sweet! congrats on the anniversary!
Like a newly bloomed flower
everyday, let happiness shower
As you two journey together
for many more Anniversaries, year after year
let your hearts hold close and dear
many more passionate moments to rejoice and cheer!
Happy Anniversary Cindy! Hope you enjoyed your traditional dinner! How romantic and nice
The wedding picture says it all “made for each other”! Loved the flowers on the bouquet too!
The one foot out point…resonate here, phew! You did it again!
My very own poem! Thank you!
ok I’m a day late but ti’s still better than not showing up right?
Congrats Cyndi happy to see your life is still ever so happy!
12 years wowsers! Glad to hear the sex is good! This means you listen to each other
Cyndi,
Sorry for the belated congratulatory message. may you always have beautiful moments in your marriage!