What Does Being Happy Feel Like
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi
Studying psychology and Buddhism, I know this quote to be true. I heard it put another way by a Psychologist I know, “Your insides must match your outsides.”.
If I’m interpreting this correctly, this means that in order to be truly happy, I must do what I love and say what I mean. Easier said than done.
This idea of my insides matching my outsides came back to me today after a Reiki massage. This is the fourth one I’ve had with the same person. She has consistently told me that I have negativity that isn’t mine that she has to sweep away. She has consistently told me that there are things I need to say that I’m not saying. She has consistently told me that I don’t feel connected to the universe and am searching for something.
I don’t know if I believe in this or not. Chakras, Reiki, healing work, etc. I’ll admit it sounds mystical and/or psychic. A little “out there”. I go because it’s relaxing and maybe, just maybe, there is something to it.
Let’s say there is something to it. What she’s telling me does match up with Gandhi’s quote and what I’ve learned about psychology. So, what’s my problem? I’m 39 years old and still don’t know my insides well enough to be able to determine if they match my outsides most of the time.
I’ve faked it. I’ve even convinced myself sometimes. I’ve gotten by. I’ve sucked it up. I’ve pretended. I’ve done what I thought others thought I should do. But true happiness? It has been fleeting, at best.
Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments. I was happy for about an hour today during the Reiki massage hubby treated me to. I was happy most of yesterday hanging out in the backyard with my kids. I was happy for the majority of my trip to Carolina Beach last year. I’m happy that hubby is coming home today from his weekend in Indy. I can appreciate the little things in this life that bring pure joy and I can appreciate the people I love. I also know that I’m pretty damn lucky and am thankful for what I do have, the problems that I don’t have and the people that are in my life.
I know this dark and depressive state is a temporary one. I know that it has a lot to do with some major changes going on in my life right now and in particular, the lack of control that I have over them. Still. In all honesty, I can’t remember the last time, or if there even ever was a time, when I felt genuinely happy with my life overall for any significant length of time.
I’m working on this. I try to maintain a positive attitude. Then I wonder if trying to maintain a positive attitude, especially when I’m not feeling particularly positive, is just me faking it again. My insides not matching my outsides. Sometimes I think I expect too much or think too much. Then I remember what it felt like when I was in complete denial, never giving any thought to any of this and I don’t ever want to go back there again either.
For now, I guess I’ll just remind myself to find happiness in the little things, keep searching for more and ride out the dark days knowing that they do pass.
Thanks for stopping by!
i know how you are feeling — i have no idea what “being happy” means. my life is punctuated by moments of great joy and great sorrow, and this gray murky in-between stuff. i know i am out of sync, on a very personal level. i also know it is me that is out of sync — i believe that we are each of us responsible for creating our own rhythm, and that it cannot depend on another person.
my kids seem happy, so i must be doing something right in creating an environment for them to live in their own aura.
the buddhist concepts of peace and happiness are hard for western people to truly grasp i think. they depend on a level of selflessness and patience that we are simply not raised with, and are challenging to learn and practice surrounded by the world we live in here.
i hope you feel better tomorrow. i will spend the day tomorrow remembering those who lost their lives fighting for values beyond themselves. i will especially be remembering those who fought in WWII.
you ask a complex question my friend. does happiness mean that we awake everyday with a smile and a song? do we always have to FEEL happy? or do we need to use some different words to get at what we are really talking about? i don’t know the answers. happiness just seems like a feeling to me and i think that true happiness, joy or contentment is much more than a feeling. there has to be that certainty in our gut that lets us know we are about the things in life that matter. if we are chasing the right things in life, then no matter how hard it gets, we can endure. to me happiness is in knowing that i am not wasting my life. then i can change, grow, walk through pain, whatever because i have hope that i am living for the right things.
ok way too much thinking before i have had my coffee!
“For now, I guess I’ll just remind myself to find happiness in the little things, keep searching for more and ride out the dark days knowing that they do pass.”
I love that, it’s a worthwhile view.
Here’s a haiku I wrote. It’s part of a series I wrote on my interpretation of the Tarot. This one’s the Fool.
Trust life’s adventure,
Open to your potential
And face the challenge.
I read a quote somewhere that happiness isn’t a state of being but a process of becoming a better person
I just returned from a week of wearing pain on my face. Your post causes me to pause with your thoughts for a day. LOVE it!
Off I go to the swimming pool.
To me, this blog was the equivalent of the big ass glass of wine I’m drinking. Much needed, refreshing, and certain to cause me to become reflective:)
now we are getting to the existential questions!! oh exciting. what are the things that matter? that my friend is grandmother of all questions. for me it has to be found in the things that endure. money can come and go, as can a job. any material thing is flaky. that leaves relationships. i want to be about growing as a person in relationship to those around me–family and friends, to the community–acts of service, and to my God. it has to be about love, right?
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi
I interpret this as meaning we need to be true to ourselves. Without hypocrisy. Like the Vererable said: “Life is in the breath.” Not in next Friday’s paycheck, next month’s BBQ, last years vacation, etc. Also, you have to make room for positive chi. Meaning, it won’t push the negative chi out for you; you have to remove the negative chi first.
For example: Had you not cleared out the negative chi in your home office, do you think you would have found a work from home job? I don’t think so. You got rid of that negative chi to make room for the positive chi (home w/ your kids)!
Great post!
The Buddha said, “No one can escape death and unhappiness. If people expect only happiness in life, they will be disappointed.” Buddha’s third of the 4 Noble Truth’s states that 3. End of Suffering Stop doing what causes suffering. If you can’t do it or wont do that…just wait it out til you can. I think that situations may have been a bit easier to change for a wandering teacher/monk…hmmmm
i think you are definitely right. you should be pursuing your passions, that thing you were made to do. absolutely. i guess i am saying if the foundation is strong then even when you are in a sucky, life draining job, you have the strength to carry on until you can get to doing that thing you love. i don’t think it works the same in reverse. if you have the perfect job but aren’t investing in things that endure then i think you can be miserable. does that make any sense?
You are definitely right about us each being responsible for our own happiness. No one else can supply that for us. I think my kids are happy too (God, I hope so) because I’ve made a point of being honest and open with them and letting them just be kids. That is one thing that does make me happy. I’m sure I will feel better tomorrow. I’ll be spending the day at a BBQ with family and I’m always thankful for those times. Thanks Lynette!
I love your haiku. I do frequently need to be reminded to trust life’s adventure! Thank you.
LOL- no, I wasn’t talking about the fairy tale kind of happiness, where singing birds help you get dressed in the morning.
Maybe I should have worded it differently. Happy is pretty vague.
“there has to be that certainty in our gut that lets us know we are about the things in life that matter. if we are chasing the right things in life, then no matter how hard it gets, we can endure. to me happiness is in knowing that i am not wasting my life. then i can change, grow, walk through pain, whatever because i have hope that i am living for the right things.” – This is good. I struggle though, with knowing if and when I am chasing the right things.
I’m off to have coffee too….that always makes me happy!
Happy you are feeling better and have fun at the pool!
Well, thank you! I was in a dark place when I wrote it so I figured it would be written off as the depressive ramblings of a slightly (or not so slightly) crabby, whiny PMS-ing crazy person.
Yes, of course relationships matter most. Having said that, if you are spending 40+ hours per week in a profession that is boring, soul-sucking or anything other than what you are passionate about doing, isn’t that a collossal waste of a vast majority of your too-short life? I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about doing what you were meant to do, following your passion, not just working for the next paycheck. Isn’t that as important to your personal growth and happiness as the quality of your relationships? Won’t that actually lead to more meaningful relationships as well?
You are absolutely right and I’m trying desperately to find ways to push out the negative. It’s not my strong suit.
As far as hypocrisy, that is the definition of what I’m doing right now.
I think since you are doing what you have to in order to feed your family, it doesn’t count against you! Everything has a priority to it also. We all can’t go out all willy nilly finding our “bliss”! LMAO…….I really just wanted to say willy nilly!!
You are such a goofball! I actually laughed out loud….in the office.
You are right which is why I’m trying to come to terms with this as a mature adult. I just felt like I was so freakin’ close and now it’s on hold plus the resentment thing is huge.
We can all find our bliss, it just doesn’t magically appear, we have to make it happen. That much I know.
UGHHHH!!!!!!
Didn’t he also say that all suffering comes from desire (wanting what we can’t have)? You are all so wise.