Quitting Smoking Sucks And I'm Pissed Off
“Whether you sniff it smoke it eat it or shove it up your ass the result is the same: addiction.” — William S. Burroughs
Day 6 of not smoking. This is the first day that I actually considered smoking. I looked all over my house, my car, even under the couch in the basement. None. I’m not going to buy any. By tomorrow, I will be ecstatic that I didn’t find any tonight, because I would have smoked it. No doubt about it. I’ve heard that the the 6th day is the most difficult. I’ve also heard the same thing about the 3rd day and the 4th day. I’m sure I’ll soon hear that it’s the 10th, 20th or 567th.
I’m not in a good place. In fact, I’m in a very dark place. I’m miserable. My favorite song, Bitch….well, it’s more than fitting this week. I always liked that song because bitch was just one of the many roles that we women play. This week, for me, it’s the only one.
Hubby actually offered to go buy me two cartons of cigarettes. This is a man who has been bugging me to quit for years. Even this pissed me off. He complained about it for years, then when he got what he wanted, he offered to sabotage my efforts. Would he really rather have me die some horrible smoking-related death than deal with the short term hell?
In his defense, there is more going on than just my non-smoking related bitchiness. It is probably related, or at least being blown out of proportion by my non-smoking status, but I’m bitter and resentful about the unevenness in our relationship when it comes to money. I have made this known (again) recently, and I’m sure, have been a horrible bitch about it.
Having said that, he also told me that he wishes I never went on my trip because when I left I was a sweet and affectionate person and now I’m……this. There is way more to this than the trip. In fact, the trip was relaxing and wonderful. It just so happens that I came back to a full time job that I’m still becoming accustomed to after a year off, shattered dreams of building some sort of work-from-home business, no smoking, and probably at least 10 more changes that occurred within a one week period that I am desperately trying to wrap my brain around and figure out what has to change and what I have to get used to.
I’m extremely pissed off that I can’t blog every day. I’m even pissed off that I finally got a chance to blog but I’m too exhausted to even write anything of any substance and am instead, simply further spreading my foul mood. I’m pissed off that I can’t read all my favorite blogs every day too.
I’m not yet certain if this is just a temporary pity party brought on by all these major life changes within the past few days or if there are any red flags in here that I need to be addressing, about myself, my career or my relationships. Honestly, I’m too tired, bitter and pissed off to even attempt to figure any of this out right now.
Aren’t you happy you stopped by?!
Here for you to vent too! It’s almost day 7 YEA!
Yes, I am glad I stopped by. You’re entertaining even when you’re bitchy
. And I’m bitchy too. What the hell people thinking when they didn’t make Adam the American Idol?
hang in there. give yourself some grace! you are trying to quit and addiction and start a new job at the same time. if you weren’t being a bit of a bitch i would be worried about you! don’t you dare give up….i will have to find you and kick your ass…
The mind thinks it wants poison. I’m totally admiring you all raw and fleshy. And you are coolest for NOT pretending it’s all smooth sailing. And I personally want to thank you for that. Too many folks who blog about quitting present pretty faces and walks in the park … and it’s bullshit. This is real … you are real.
I like you and the other really strong bitches who listen to their hearts. I’m in awe.
I think you summed it up with “…and probably at least 10 more changes that occurred within a one week period…”
It’s just a lot for your head to grasp right now, but you’ll eventually find the ebb and flow and be able to re-work your schedule to what you’re used to. Then you’ll have time for the blog and other things you enjoy.
Hang in there!
Your awesome. I love this post. The most “real” thing I have read in a while. Quitting smoking definatley does suck. I’ve done it 2 times, and now Im smoking again lol, guess I dont have the willpower. My husband went and got me a pack when I quit because I was such a bitch. That backfired on him a little, the cigarettes ended up torn up and in his drink… now that’s a bitch!
Then I was pissed that I wasted a whole pack of smokes.
Good luck, your doing awesome!
How is it going for you Cyndi?
I stumbled on this blog because I am going through the same emotions of quitting smoking (last smoke was Aug 16th!) and I have to say this brought a smile to my face because finally it sounds like someone else understood how I have been feeling the past couple weeks.
Its nice to find a kindred spirit….I hope you are still doing well with your new smoke free life. I pray I am able to stay as strong…Till then I guess I will just put “Bitch” on repeat lol!!
Well, thanks for the kind words but unfortunately, I failed MISERABLY. I went 2 weeks, had too much to drink at a party and started right up again. All I can say is, don’t kid yourself into thinking you can have just 1. That’s when it all goes downhill. Congrats on quitting and I hope you are more successful than I was!!!
Thanks Paula.
Don’t even get me started on that bunch of nonsense! I guess 13 year old girls just have more time to vote.
I love that I have found other bitches out there……I am actually somewhat scared that you really will kick my ass. Although, I would put up a pretty good fight….I pull hair, etc.
I guess that’s true. I am definitely real. Nothing sugar coated here. HA! It’s good that my fellow bitches appreciate and actually like that. I agree though, I have no interest in reading anything about fairy tales or delusions of perfection. I’ve got some flaws and they are “out there”! Thanks so much Dawn.
THAT is freakin’ hilarious!! Today is day 7 and so far, slightly better than yesterday. Xanax helps, as does an audio book I downloaded onto my iPod. Hope you try again!