Comments on: Narcissistic Mothers

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:27:25 +0000

That’s just awful…like a bad horror movie. I can’t even imagine. I’m so happy you are finally free of her!

By: Twinx

Twinx — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:12:40 +0000

It continued into adulthood to my horror, too, but I was so beaten down physically and emotionally and so strapped financially, with absolutely NO friends who could or would help and no relatives on either side of the family, plus once I started stupidly paying all of Mom’s stupid bills (being beaten to a pulp every time I told her they were NOT my debts and I could NOT afford to pay for them at all, any longer, in definitely, with constant death threats and knowing my cat would be destroyed if I died because she sure as Hell wouldn’t take care of her, I was really stuck for a very long time. When I hit age 30 in 1997, after that head smashing incident, the lease was up on this HORRIBLE garage apartment (Mom’s choice, of course, because she refused to live in an actual apartment building), I selected a two-bedroom apartment and said she could only live there if she paid her share of the rent while I battled to pay my bills and her bills. She broke my pinky nail or tore it in one of her horrifying hand-crushing incidents and when I screamed in pain she had the nerve to wince because I’d hurt her ears by screaming at the pain she had cruelly inflicted upon me. The next day, she drove away at 5:45AM leaving me stuck with my bills (which I was dutifully paying on, including my stupid college loans because she’d demanded I go to college, not paying one cent toward my education so she could boast she had two well-educated kids after breaking up our family; not that the family was anything great prior to their divorcing) her bills (I told her to take her bills with her if she was abandoning me from yet another apartment (this occurred three prior times prior to that horrid garage apartment, where I was stuck in the loft and having to pee and poop in a bowl because she attacked me every time I went downstairs to use the only bathroom which was conveniently attached to her bedroom) and she so savagely attacked me, I thought I was going to die, plus that exorbitant rent, wherein she crammed her room to the gills with all her sh** which EVERYBODY told me to throw out if she refused to live there and pay her share of the rent * more easy to say than to actually do considering they weren’t being brutally attacked and beaten by asserting themselves every time I tried to do so. Again, with Andy stringing me along, [romising me marriage and security right prior to this entire timeframe, I truly thought I was going to get married and be well rid of her at least in the living-with-her sense/physical aspect. There was also the horrendous guilt factor involved with all her incessant, chronic crying and complaining and always whining she was alone, so while I wish I could have struck out on my own, and eventually finally did so, it took years because I was so heavily in debt. Now I could just scream over how much I paid because she kept savagely attacking me and she hasn’t worked since, unless I foolishly got her work at former companies I’d worked at, wherein because of her hostile demeanor and they FINALLY witnessed one attack upon me, they refused to have her back, so, of course, she practically tore the muscle and skin from my arm in yet another savage attack AT work and I ordered her to leave and she kept attacking me and threatening me. So the massive guilt trips and brainwashing and crazy-making and physically brutal attacks and verbal attacks and threats left me so emotionally shattered, that until she was awarded Social Security, unless I wanted to die, I could NOT extricate myself from her ridiculous bills. It was horrible and I wished I could have been stronger, but I DID keep begging her to seek medical help, I BEGGED her to stop attacking me, I BEGGED HER to go back to work AT HER OWN JOB and resume paying her bills and all I got was screamed at and hit until I thought I would die.

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 18:09:37 +0000

It’s absolutely unreal that this continued well into your adulthood.

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 18:08:56 +0000

Funny…my parents loved Elvis too, my mom still does. Thank you too!

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 18:05:06 +0000

Yours is WAY worse than mine. In fact, I’d guess she’s got a LOT more going on than NPD. Not that mine will have much to leave us but she’s had a will with me as the executor for years. We get along ok now for the most part.

By: Twinx

Twinx — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:26:17 +0000

I paid all my mom’s bills and took care of her until she attacked me almost to death and now I refuse to call her, write her, do anything for her. She never treated my brother this way; only my credit was ruined, only my social life was ruined, only I am now alone because nobody will associate with me because they consider me a “package deal” even though I have virtually severed all ties with my mother who’s treated me in the same despicable manner yours has treated you. I am glad you are married, for at least you can seek comfort from your husband; nobody would ever marry me and I tried so hard. She MUST get her affairs in order; mine, of course, has written me out of her will even though some of my things inexplicably wound up in her storage units; you know, the ones I’d spent some $20,000.00 to maintain until she finally got Social Security. All I want are the family photo albums and her wooden rendering of a lion, but I’ll never get anything. My brother will get everything, just “because”. I have my own house now which she will never get her hands on; everything is solely in my name. I pity you if things wind up in Probate Court and some stupid old judge does not find in your favor. I am no one to offer suggestions for nothing I have ever done has pleased or even remotely satisfied my mother, but I strongly suggest perhaps refusing to do anything else until she makes out a will or gives you Power Of Attorney or SOMETHING so you recoup even 1% of all of your lifetime of heroic efforts for your mother. All I do is try not to cry. It has been horrible.

By: Twinx

Twinx — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 12:50:23 +0000

I wanted to clarify something; I meant my parents were collectively abusive until their divorce and Dad was only verbally threatening afterward, but Mom’s violence was escalated toward me by a million percent. She literally screamed at me 24 hours per day for the next 20 solid years, always accompanied by terrifying rages and painful hitting and pulling my hair, crushing my hands (deliberately because I love to draw, sew and type, so she was trying to render my hands useless), my jaw was crushed. My brother just sat and watched TV with a smirk on his face and never once came to my defense. She got angry with him if he “sassed her back”, meaning he tried to defend himself, but that didn’t occur more than three times and he is now 45 years old, whereas I was mute 24/7/365 and she bashed me to bits and took every MILLIMETER of frustration, anger, rage, hatred, hostility, hatred, hatre and hatred and more hatred upon me verbally and physically. I think I am only alive today because I wouldn’t allow them to “win”, either by killing me physically, or by causing me to commit my own suicide. The problem is that the problem is so prevalent (sorry for all my typos). Kids are allowed to be inflicted with “corporal punishment” as long as they live at home, even past adult age; parents can do anything except kill us and even if they supposedly accidentally kill us, again, they have their alibis all lined up about how bad we are/were. I was mute 100% of the time because I was hit if I tried to defend myself verbally, and the one time I shoved her away from me, that day before my 30th birthday, when she smashed my head against the wall, you would think I had actually assaulted her, she attacked me so viciously and painfully, I told her to just go ahead and finish me off; she had killed me in every other sense of the word. The police would not intervene and I reported her twice; they just laughed at me. Some 30+ years ago, Social Service organizations were not in place to remove abused children from homes; there was ONE foster family in Redding who took in a rare, rare child who was abandoned and/or abused. So parents of my generation got away Scott-free with their wretched abuse and with nobody to stop them, it continued. As a result, you couldn’t pay me to have kids and pass their insane genetics onto offspring. It is sad, but I have health issues, too, which have been hard enough for me to have to deal with; I wouldn’t pass what’s wrong with me onto offspring.

By: Twinx

Twinx — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 12:35:52 +0000

Well, Dad loved Elvis, so it is no surprise he pulled his own death stunt, although Elvis did so in order to be in The Witness Protection Program. He has some videos of a secret daughter posted on YouTube under his false name of John Cotner and she looks so much like Lisa Marie, it’s haunting.

I think we could forgive our parents if they had admitted they had a problem and actively sought treatment. Because we were always the ones who were wrong and punished, accordingly, then WE were supposedly wrong. Worse, when nobody believed us and most still do not, how can we convince anybody other than those, like you, who have withstood the same rigors?

Just love your blog and I GREATLY appreciate you posting such excruciating memories to prove we are not alone. Frankly, I knew of no other existence; kids I grew up with were reated the same way that a kind family who actually treated their kids well was such a rarity, I felt certain they must have been putting on a show. It was extremely, extremely rare I didn’t see girls being treated so viciously, verbally and physically. Yes, I believe guys are treated royally and it’s probably because universally, girls are considered liabilities and not commodities. Very sad. Hope you are well. THANK YOU for being there for me. It means a great deal to me to know you are out there. I have felt excruciatingly alone.

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 19:58:36 +0000

Oh. My. God. I can’t even express how awful this is. The only good news I guess is that dad pulled an Elvis (how freakin’ bizarre!) and that you finally cutoff your mom. Wow. Thanks so much for sharing and your kind words.

By: Twinx

Twinx — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 19:37:59 +0000

My dad pulled an Elvis and supposedly died February 15th of 1988, but guess who drove his family to his own funeral? What a goof and I have found him online, so he is still alive; my parents divorced December 5th, 1978. I have an elephant’s memory which I truly can attribute to how many times they slammed my head against the walls and closet doors and God knows, their disgusting marital bed. My memory is hyper-acute and laughably supersonic; I can recall EVERYTHING from age one onward because of how many times they hit me. I once figured it was because I was always in fearful overdrive as to when their next onslaught would be, so I was always painfully on-edge as to their next attack. My parents were bad until they got divorced. Dad was verbally threatening only AFTER their divorce, losing all contact deliberately with me once he remarried during Autumn of 1983. I literally had nobody on either side of the family; my brother was The Golden Child; older by 2-1/2 years. He could do no wrong and was adored by everybody. I being quiet, artistic, musical, creative, but chronically ill with a lifelong heart condition and headaches solely caused by their hands, was disgustedly stared at, laughed at, ridiculed, beaten mercilessly, shouted at RELENTLESSLY until I thought I’d go deaf and actually repeatedly prayed I WOULD, so I no longer would have to hear their cruel taunts * what irked me a lot was how my brother was chronically doted upon and given bags of gifts and books; when I feebly attempted to select ONE book on botany for myself, Mom curelly ordered me to put it back; those were meant for my brother. NO AMOUNT of crying and asking why he was given everything and I was deliberately ignored got any comfort, let alone rational or ANY explanation/s. When he was born, the relatives heaped savings bonds upon him; when I was born, I did not receive a single one. He smugly and arrogantly lorded those savings bonds (thousands of dollars worth) over my head until he cashed them in to spend his Junior (college) year abroad; now if IIIIII had received those savings bonds, OR EVEN ONE, IIIII would have been ordered to cash it/them in and share the money with my brother. He was never told to share anything, received everything and that really hurts a kid who is so obviously hated. My “favorite” was knowing that he was planned for, but Mom was on The Pill, yet I came along. Years later, when I wanted to go on The Pill myself, probably consciously or unconsciously or whatever, Mom always forbade me or scoffed at me going on The Pill; I finally purchased them for myself many years later from online pharmacies in India and Thailand. Because of my heart condition, (mitral valve prolapse), I couldn’t get any doctor to prescribe them, but I have been happily on them since September of 2000 and other than irritability, I have had no ill side effects.

Mom suddenly stopped working July 3rd of 1993. I recall this date exactly, because it was precisely 15 days before I would begin dating a horribly Narcissistic fellow named Andy, who would string me along with phony promises of marriage, home, security until, six attempts later, I finally successfully broke up with him two years, three months and three days later. Mom was threatening my life and beating me and pulling my hair, daily, and stupidly, I paid her bills for some exact sixty (60) months having positively NO IDEA she wouldn’t work again. SHe claimed everybody’s fragrances at her job made her ill, but no doctors found for her. I find these mystery illnesses laughable, but was always on the receiving end of her furious, violent rages and nonstop screaming and was terrified she would kill me. I didn’t care if III died; what I worried was that her carefully contrived/concocted alibi would get her off the hook for murder. NO AMOUNT of telling her I was a secretary and couldn’t pay all her bills did any good; she kept beating me senseless every time I told her to pay her OWN bills. I took out seven credit cards to keep paying her cr** until she finally was awarded Social Security precisely 60 months later during July of 1998. I filed bankruptcy and even bought a house with everything in my name which she refused to live in and my credit was almost irreparably destroyed. My brother did nothing except allow her to stay in one of his houses for a while; I endured NONSTOP screaming, tyranny and relentless questioning and scrutiny; she smashed my head against the wall the day before my 30th birthday and I have no idea how I didn’t die considering how Natasha Richardson died with a mere bump after a skiing mishap. I haven’t lived with her since although she stayed with me intermittantly; never paying one dime; I rented five apartments in my name, always trying to please her and too many years later did I FINALLY start hearing about Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality disorders. I will not ever contact Mom; she contacts me, always trying to weasel her way over to a house I now finally own after more than 400 attempts to get a mortgage since the first house I foolishly bought, trying to get her to stop her nonsense. THANK YOU for being there for all of us. These people are shameless in their brutal actions and all we have tried to do is please them. When have they done anything to please us? Instead, they have done everything just shy of annihilating us. God bless you, Cyndi. I am here for you, too.