Breaking Free From A Narcissist
“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Some tips on breaking free from a narcissist:
1. Get Help: Depending on how deeply entrenched you are, how abusive he is, and how much you have isolated yourself from your support system, you most likely need all the help you can get. I am talking about professional help. Get yourself into therapy. If he’s dangerous, contact law enforcement and find a safe place to go.
2. Get Your Support System In Place: You have most likely cut off all or most contact from friends and family. You have either done this because he insisted on it or because he created all sorts of drama based on lies about them or because they got tired of seeing you allow him to treat you badly or you withdrew from them because they were critical of him or you have spent so much time keeping the secrets of what really goes on in your relationship that you have withdrawn voluntarily. He wants you to be isolated. He can’t stand you paying attention to anyone but him, doesn’t want you talking to anyone else about him and certainly doesn’t want them telling you to get away from the jerk. You need family and friends. If any of the relationships are repairable, repair them. If not, develop new friends.
3. Get Some Money Together: If he handles all of the finances, get your own account. If you don’t work, get a job and put the money you earn in your own account.
4. Take Care Of Yourself: Do things, constructive and healthy things, that make you feel good. All those things you used to like to do but gave up to devote more time to his interests, get back into them. Join a gym, read, get a massage, focus on you for once. Stop trying to figure him out. Ignore his nonsense and focus on you.
5. Remember That You Have Power: He seems like an all-powerful entity. He is not. He is a pathetic brat who has played games with you for long enough. You are not the scared little girl you once were. You are an adult with adult power and responsibilities. Take your power back. Do what you need to do for you. Let him deal with the consequences of his own bad behavior. Take control of your life.
Some online resources:
Recommended Reading (yes, I’ve read them all):
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Playing It by Heart: Taking Care of Yourself No Matter What
Choices : Taking Control of Your Life and Making It Matter
Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis.
Healing the Shame that Binds You
Bradshaw On: The Family: A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem
Codependence and the Power of Detachment
Smart Women/Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men Avoiding the Wrong Ones
The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up for Yourself
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia
Boundaries – Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control
Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out
Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem
Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love
Breaking Free of Addictive Family Relationships (Healing Your Own Inner Child)
Thanks for stopping by!
Wow, I need to get the last book on the list!
This has been an enlightening little “series” you put together. I’m not in a relationship w/ a narcissist, but we all deal w/ one at some point in our lives. You really researched and put this info. out in a straightforward, honest, and easy to understand format! Bravo!
You love people floundering in the questions of life. Never stop.
Can women be narcissists too? What are their “sypmptoms”?
Thanks Christina!!
Yes, they are the same as male narcissists.
Actually, I AM one of those floundering in the questions of life….hence this blog.