“Trying to figure them out is futile. Trying to understand why they came to be this way is pointless.”

And..

“I have found that the only way for me to deal with a Narcissist is to avoid them at all costs. When cutting them out of my life completely is impractical or impossible, I maintain as much distance as possible and keep the relationship on a superficial level, so as to not become emotionally invested.”

Both statements are true to heart and dear to soul. So much I wanted to “understand” the why’s and what’s only to awaken to the reality it doesn’t matter and in the end one needs to move on and heal oneself. While we all do need some type of closure (something they will never give us) and answers I have found the most profound questions I asked are the ones that I have asked of myself and that deals with myself and those answers to assist me in my healing and personal growth. Any good business person knows that the fastest way to kill a business in to keep investing good money after bad. Sometimes it’s best to walk away from a bad investment then trying to keep a dead dream alive when it’s best to just let it die…
James´s last blog ..Welcome

I came across your N blog, and could not stop reading it. I too separated from my ex in January of 08 and have been dumbfounded by the range of behavior I’ve witnessed. Thank goodness I began journaling at the end of our marriage. So many things I read on your blog were dead on. There are so many similarities, I don’t even know where to start… Thanks for providing such practical descriptions of the things you’ve experienced. It was validating to realize that many of the things that I’ve experienced have also happened to other people, it’s not just me “being suspicious”

I am not a trained counelor or psychologist, just writing about my own experiences and what I’ve learned.

Do you currently have any sort of screening process, a series of questions each new member is required to answer? I would imagine that N’s answers would be similar to each other and yet vastly different from everyone else’s.

My radar would be up if at the first meeting or interview the person behaved as if he/she were boastful, dominated the conversation, manipulative, ignored and/or refused to acknowledge your authority as leader of the group, etc.

It may seem to us regular folks that asking someone to leave a group is rude, and I completely understand that, however, the N is actually the problem in the group, not the person asking him/her to leave. If this is an ongoing problem, maybe some education for your groups about narcissists would be helpful.

I have been looking for a way to either screen for such a person before they join a group, or a way to get rid of them after they have joined the group. Of course asking someone to leave is usually seen by the other members as simply rude and unjustified. It would be better to screen.

Have you ever seen in anything you have read, a way to screen or any other method for handling the situation I am describing? I would be most grateful for any advice that you may have.