My #1 Most Hated Word In The English Language
“I distrust any advice that contains the words ‘ought’ or ’should’.” — Tamora Pierce
SHOULD.
I absolutely loathe that word. I wasted the majority of the first 37 years of my life doing what I “should”. I should be a good girl. I should get good grades. I should work hard. I should make a lot of money. I should make sure everyone in my life is happy. I should keep secrets. I should not complain. I should be cheerful. I should pretend that nothing is wrong. I could go on and on with all the shoulds I’ve bought into.
What about the fact that I don’t always want to be a good girl? What if I don’t always feel cheerful? What if I don’t want to keep secrets? What if I don’t want to pretend nothing is wrong? Well, if I SHOULD do all of these things and I don’t, then that makes me bad or wrong, right?
Bullshit. I like that word much better.
I’m going to be myself. Sometimes that means I’m cranky. Sometimes that means I’m not nice. Sometimes that means that those secrets will be disclosed. Sometimes that means I will fail. Sometimes that means I will do something that someone thinks that I should not do.
Tough Shit.
I only get one life. It’s short, and it’s mine. I’m not going to waste any more of it on doing what other people think I should. I say to those that think I should be doing something differently; take a look at what YOU should be doing. My guess is that it isn’t trying to run another adult’s life.
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i agree — “nice girls” unite!! strike should from our vocabularies! except to say that we should be true to ourselves, and let the world deal….
Well, don’t WE have an attitude today. LOL
i’m on board with the attitude — who’s bringing the margaritas?
ouch! somebody pissed you off!
I’ll give you a quote.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
-Henry David Thoreau
It’s your life. You chose your path. You make of it what you will and don’t look back.
It’s hard when you have so many roles, student, wife, mother. You have so many people you are now responsible for and to. It’s most times hard to live a life of freedom when you are in the restraints that are put upon us both by society and ourselves. Rant and rave! Make choices, We’ll be here to vent to!
I’m in total agreement with you. As the oldest child, I’ve spent my life doing what I “should” for my family, while my sister has spent hers doing pretty much whatever she pleases while I hold the fort.
Result? I’m living in a place I don’t particularly like because my parents are getting older and I “should” be nearby, while Sis jaunted off for a year to Europe (she’s back now, claiming we all guilted her into returning).
If I’d ignored all the shoulds in my life like she did and followed my heart and true interests instead, you wouldn’t recognize me today.
ROCK ON! Let me tell ya, I gave up should a long time ago. However, one of my girlfriends joined me in 40’s land a few years ago. The first thing she noticed – “should” no longer applies unless it’s a totally self imposed should. At this point we’ve been through and put up with quite enough crap to want what we want when and how we want it with no apologies or guilt. So the only thing that we “should” do now is what we damn well please.
Excellent post!
Let’s eliminate “should” from the vocabular and add in bullshi!
You can be any kind of mother you want – as long as you’re caring..which you seem to be.
You’re dead on! ’should’ is such a limiting word and should be banned. ’should be productive today’. But ‘could’… now that has unlimited possibilities. ‘could sleep all day!’, ‘could go for a walk’, ‘could make waffles’… could can go anywhere!
I like “bullshit” much better than that nasty word “should.” That word should be removed from the English language.
I agree!! Hence, my theme song….Bitch.
Yeah….so? What of it?!
I’ll volunteer for that any day of the week.
LOL – nope, another reader made a comment that reminded me that I hate that word and wanted to blog about it. Once I got started….well, you read it!
You know I’m a sucker for a good quote and this one, from Henry David Thoreau no less, is great! I love his work.
Societal restraints…worthless. I do have different roles that I can’t give up and responsibilities to others that I don’t resent one bit. For example, I feel totally free attending my kids’ football games. I love the mom role. You won’t see me becoming active in the freakin’ PTA anytime soon though (not that they’d have me with my attitude & mouth). But that’s what I’m talking about. I won’t fit into anyone else’s mold of “shoulds” in any of my chosen roles.
The part I’m still working on is the melding of all of the roles I want to keep into one semi-normal authentic person AND recognizing my own feelings as they occur. Sometimes it takes me days to figure out why a specific situation caused me anxiety. That’s because I spent so much time on others’ “shoulds” that I lost me. But I’m well on my way back…sometimes it only takes an hour or so now, instead of three days to figure myself out.
Yes, “could” is much better….especially in the scenarios you suggested….could sleep all day being my particular favorite!