Out There On Their Own
“I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying, doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn’t.”
— Stephen Chbosky
My youngest son is home sick from school today. Probably strep. We’re going to the doctor later this morning. His older brother wanted to stay home too, just because. I sent him to school anyway since he’s not sick, but I could tell they were both a little sad about being separated today.
This brings up something that I have been thinking about recently anyway. My boys are two years apart in age. They are best buds. Of course they argue, but for the most part, when they are out in the world, they share some of the same friends and look out for each other. I like that they have each other. My sister and I are eight years apart, and although we are friends today, we weren’t as children. It was almost like we were each only-children in a way.
My youngest son’s birthday is in October, so even though he’s only two years younger than his brother, he’s three years behind him in school. The cutoff for starting kindergarten is September 1st. If your birthday is after that, you have to wait until the next year to start school. There are ways around this rule but they involve significant testing, including psychological testing. I briefly considered it anyway, because I really wanted them to be in school together longer than they would be if they were three grades apart. In the end, he wasn’t emotionally ready for kindergarten the year he turned five. He needed a year of preschool first. So, I didn’t subject him to the testing and accepted the fact that they would be three grades apart.
Next year, my oldest son will be in sixth grade…middle school. When I was that age, it was called Jr. High and was only seventh and eighth grades. Now, it’s sixth, seventh and eighth. I remember Jr. High as the most painful two years of my childhood. It was awful. I hope that’s not how it is for my sons, and I wish they could have each other to help them through it if it is.
They won’t be in the same school together again until my youngest son is a freshman and my oldest is a senior. I’m sure by then, they will have grown apart some. What senior wants to hang out with a freshman? Even if they are still as close as they are now, that’s only one year together. After that, off to college, their own lives and who knows what their relationship will end up being like.
This all makes me profoundly sad, and a little frightened for them. I want them to stay close to each other. I want them to stick together and look out for each other. I don’t want them to have to face anything alone. Honestly, I don’t want them to grow up and I want to protect them from….everything.
There’s no way to avoid it. I just have to send them out there on their own like every other parent. I hope they do ok. I hope I do too.
Thanks for stopping by!
this post really resonated with me. it all feels like a long scary good-bye sometimes, doesn’t it? i don’t know what i will do once they really head off into the world, driving and dating…
my kids are a bit older than yours — one in high school and one heading into middle school next year — and they are three years apart in age and four years apart in school (cut-off date issues). they will never go to the same school (or be in college!
) at the same time.
my daughter and son have been bonded best buddies since they first met — it has ebbs and flows, especially with my daughter now in high school and the gender difference. but the love they have for one another never changes. i feel like the best gift i ever gave either one was the other.
my daughter’s illness has taught me i cannot protect my kids from life — i can only help by encouraging and endowing them with the life skills they will need to face adversity. because adversity will happen. it is how you face it and learn from it that counts.
i wish i had learned this better as a child — my mother was no teacher that way (she could barely handle her own life — and i do fear repeating her mistakes), and my dad was a take-it-on-chin type who never acknowledged the underlying emotions. dysfunctional stuff. i think my kids will do much better… or at least like you i hope so
Oh my God! That is so sad, I never thought about it. Wow, what will they do? The youngest esp? Dude, I’m totally bummed now.
Nice post.
Next time my daughters ask me to push them in a two seater cart at Target I’m going to say “Yes.”
It just goes so damn quick!
Awww. It is nice when they’re only a grade or two apart but even three years isn’t so bad. They should always stay close. They’re off to a good start already, and technology today (Facebook, texting, etc.) will make it so much easier for you all to stay connected. My boys are flung all over the place and we all still butt into each others’ lives just fine.
You just told my story as well…. my son and daughter are eleven months apart in age. (Yes, I know… birth control, right?? LOL). They are in pre-K and Kdg this year. I know it’s worlds away, but I can’t even fathom a time when they aren’t at the same school. They have done everything together in their life since they are so close in age… it was almost like having twins.
Enjoy it while you can… there’s no day but today:)
I know, I’ve seriously been crying every time I think about it.
It really does go by so damn quick! I can’t believe my 5lb preemie is going to middle school! I’m going to go cry again and they’ll laugh at me again….:)
OMG, being an internet/blogging/social networking junkie, I can’t believe I never thought of that! You’re so right. I was just so focused on not being in the same school. In the long run, hopefully we’ll all stay connected. …..actually starting to cheer up about this….thanks mama!