Where Do I Fit In
“When I quit working, I lost all sense of identity in about fifteen minutes.” ~Paige Rense
I started this blog with the overall theme that we moms give up a lot of ourselves when we become moms. I wanted to explore all the other roles that make us who we are.
When I’m ranting about Best Buy, my role is dissatisfied customer. When I’m writing about Anthony Bourdain, my role is stalker fan. You get the idea.
Prior to August 2007, when the bottom fell out of the mortgage industry, one of my roles was crystal clear. Breadwinner. I brought home the bacon. Yes, I made sacrifices but kept as much balance as I could. That all became shaky in August 2007, and completely disappeared in June 2008 when my last job ended due to cut-backs.
I’ve been unemployed for 8 months. I haven’t been off work this long since I was 15 years old. The mortgage industry has always been cyclical and I’ve been laid off before, but always found something even better within a few weeks. Now, there’s just nothing out there.
I sometimes feel lost, confused, depressed, scared, useless and ashamed. Other times I feel grateful because I realize how this time has given me a much needed break, the ability to pursue my return to college, and a lot more time with my kids.
I also feel guilty about the tremendous financial strain my lack of income (besides unemployment) has put on our family.
I have no idea what my role is anymore. I don’t know what my role will be when I do find a job. I’m in this weird limbo with no end in sight. I’m sure I’ll find something but what it will be and how much it will pay I have no idea.
Thanks for stopping by!
Ok, I wish you all the best in getting a job. Till then this is just to pep you up:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/07/10-reasons-you-should-never-get-a-job/
hang in there. i think one thing unemployment taught me was that being is more important that doing. it really shaped some of my character and refined me in a sense. still not fun i know. you aren’t alone!
You just sent a lightbulb off with your comment. I’m just curious if you “preplan” your posts on your blog too.
Also, you’re doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. How do I know? Because you are.
i have a friend, who is a newly-minted attorney in her first year in practice, who said some days she is exhausted from pretending to “be” a lawyer. I told her that is not who she is, it is what she does, what she “practices”.
i have learned through my own experiences that it is not what i do that is the essence of me, but still struggle with it as i described in my “people in a box” post. i do find fulfillment in what i do for work, and for my children and for my family and friends and community.
but it does not define me. and in fact, i do not like to be definable. when asked what i am like, my word is “indescribable”. or, as my daughter would say about herself “idk, too much to say in this small space”.
Hi,
Its great to know that you took interest in my comment and wrote the next post….Thanks………
hey, hope you are having a good week.
some of your posts are following mine awfully closely in time — the horoscope, the religion, and now your circles are virtually the same as my boxes on your side bar… mind mentioning the links to my posts when you do?
http://lynetteb.wordpress.com/2009/01/29/people-in-a-boxpeople-in-a-box/
weird, isn’t it, that people can be in some odd kind of sync…. now if only i could meet those people geographically close by. will never happen in my stepford-world….
Thanks, and I love that….being is more important than doing. True, it’s just so different from what I’ve been programmed for my whole life that it’s difficult to get used to, you know?
That’s actually a good article and relevant to my next post, thank you!
No, I don’t pre-plan, but usually as I’m posting about one thing, another idea comes to mind. You are so right, I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing, as are we all. Thank you!
I know you are right, it’s just SO ingrained in me to be “perfect” and to achieve that it’s difficult to know what I am without that. I like “indescribable”!
Yep, will do!
LOL – yes, it would be much easier if everyone we connected it with throught blogs lived near us.