Friend Or Frenemy?
“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.” — Roderick Thorp
I have to preface this post by saying that I got the title from a book I haven’t read; Friend Or Frenemy by Andrea Lavinthal & Jessica Rozler. I am compelled to give credit where it is due. I have not read the book yet, it’s on my to-read list. That list is currently 149 books long. I have no idea when I’ll get to this one. I did skim through it at the bookstore once and thought it looked amusing.
In any case, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about people in my life who I am unsure of, and people in my past who I was unsure of. When I say, “unsure”, I mean that I am not certain that they are actually friends, and may actually be enemies. Sometimes it can be difficult to determine. Do you have or have you had anyone in your life like this?
Sometimes, it can be just a vague sense of unease after an encounter with this person, just a feeling that something is a little bit “off”. Other times you later realize that something this person said was actually some sort of passive-aggressive insult. Maybe this person behaves as if you are close friends one day and then is distant and cold another. Maybe this person initiates contact with you regularly but never follows through with actually getting together or “forgets” your birthday or to attend parties you’ve invited them to. Maybe some things this person has said to you seem unbelievable or insincere. These types of situations can be very confusing.
For me, it comes down to trust and is more difficult with male friends because I am automatically somewhat suspicious of all men. No, I’m not some man-hating shrew. I just have my own issues that have nothing to do with any male friends. Knowing this about myself makes it even more confusing for me. When I get a feeling of mistrust about a male friend, I can’t determine if it’s just me or if they have really given me reason to question them unless I am able to obtain some concrete confirmation. That can be extremely difficult to obtain without confrontation of some sort, which I am hesitant to initiate due to the knowledge I have about myself.
It’s much easier to figure out with women. I generally trust women unless they give me reason not to trust them. For example, if a female friend is sometimes fun to socialize with but is also a compulsive liar, superficial, catty and self-centered, I know she’s not a friend and stay away. Of course, this can be difficult to do if you work with someone like this, but at least you can avoid contact as much as possible.
Thanks for stopping by!
That was one of the best quotes about self I ever read:
“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.” — Roderick Thorp
If others lie about a little thing, they lie about big things. People who are not being honest with me (or themselves) are not worth the time. Cuts the wheat from the chaf in my circle of friends.
Thank goodness for real friends!
Wow…It’s like you are describing someone I know. We’ve been circling each other forever. There has never been anything blatant done, but I just know there is something stirring under the surface. I’m never comfortable in her presence. Thanks for the advice. I’ll take it to heart.
I like this post! I can identify (as you know from reading my blog lol)! I am one to be trusting, even after the “frenemy” gives reason not to, I make excuses and forgive and then the pimple does it again! Go figure…anyway, I’m learning to trust my instincts and be more selective about who I allow in my life (I want to be surrounded by positive people, not negative psychotic pimples LOL).
Hi Cyndi,
I realize that this is an old post, and I hope I’m not dragging up old wounds by commenting now. I relate so well to what you’re saying, and it is difficult to know sometimes that someone is not good for you. Just want to say thanks for bringing it up and for the book title. I’m going to look into reading that.
Here is a quote from Geneen Roth, who is a pioneer in the treatment of compulsive eating.
Love that… “cuts wheat from the chaf….”.
I agree, why waste precious time in this short life on people who aren’t real friends when there are so many good ones to spend time with.
Thank you! I agree, life is too short to let the pimples bring us down!
Nope, not painful at all and I appreciate your comment. Great quote too! Thank you.