You just never know…
2008 November 10
“Hug your kids, spread a little warmth, make amends. For everyone–at some time or another–there won’t be a tomorrow. “— Donna Schoenrock
So today, you get a little of my dark side again. Or you could argue that it’s actually not my dark side, but my optimism, hope and love that inspired this post. Either way, a friend of mine called and his girlfriend’s father died this weekend, very suddenly, at age 47, leaving behind a loving wife and two daughters, countless other relatives, friends, etc.
Although I didn’t realize it at the time, what I now refer to as my mid-life crisis began with a death. The mother of a close friend died suddenly a few days before Christmas of 2006. She was not in the best of health, but still seemingly nowhere near death. I didn’t know her that well but I had a difficult time shaking the sadness nonetheless. I know now that was the moment I came face to face with my own mortality for the first time. Sure, we all know we are going to die “someday” but we tend to live in a sort of denial where “someday” is so far into the future, or we are so afraid of it, that we don’t give it much thought.
For the grieving loved ones who have just lost someone very dear to them, all we can do is offer our support, sympathy, comfort and love. We can’t make it all better and we can’t attempt to hinder their grieving process, no matter how painful it is for us to witness.
What we can do for ourselves and our loved ones is live our lives to the fullest. We can truly follow our dreams, take risks, abolish those fears that keep us from telling each other how much we care and how much we mean to each other and pursuing anything in life that we desperately want to pursue but are afraid (of failure, of embarrassment, etc.). We can constantly pursue self-improvement, self-awareness. We can live each day as if it is our last. We can stop being afraid to LIVE so that when we do die, we have no regrets. Living our lives in this manner will lessen the pain our loved ones feel when we die for they will know that we did everything we wanted to do and they will know how much we loved them.
I’m reposting an e-mail here that I sent to some of my friends and family several months ago after learning about two other sudden deaths. The reasons I’m reposting it are to hopefully inspire you to step out on a limb to let those you care about know how much they mean to you and also to remind any of my friends or family reading this blog how I feel about them…
Today was a very strange day.
I learned that a former co-worker suddenly lost her husband of many years due to a massive heart attack. I learned that someone else I know suddenly lost her boyfriend of many years due to a massive heart attack. I also learned that one of my best friends who has been battling an aggressive form of cancer for months got some really good news and seems to be on the road to beating it completely! None of these people are “old enough” for these severe health issues. None of them are “bad” people. None of them even lived completely unhealthy lives. The two that passed away left behind devastated wives, girlfriends, children, friends, parents, etc. My friend who seems to be beating cancer has more hope that she will not.
My point? You just never know.
So, I started thinking about all of you and how short life can be and decided to step WAY outside my comfort zone to let you know how important you are to me. It can be difficult to let people know how much they mean to you. It sometimes makes people uncomfortable (particularly me!) to express or receive open expression of feelings of any kind. If this makes you uncomfortable to hear, well, I don’t care! You don’t have to respond or acknowledge this in any way, but I want you to know that I appreciate you all.
We may have had arguments, forgotten to return phone calls, inadvertently hurt each other’s feelings, taken each other for granted, or just gotten so caught up in our own daily stress, turmoil, problems, etc. that we didn’t notice that weeks went by without touching base with each other. I know I have been guilty of all of the above from time to time and I am sorry.
You have all been there for me in one way or another. Sometimes to listen to me vent, offer advice, put things into perspective, teach me something I may have never learned without your unique perspective, stick up for me, call me on my BS, validate me, or just let go and have fun with me. I have known many of you for most of my life and many of you for a much shorter time. Either way, my life is better in some way because you are a part of it. I appreciate each of you for very different reasons and am very lucky to have so many amazing people in my corner.
No, I haven’t been drinking (yet) or completely gone insane (any more than usual). I’m not depressed or suicidal or high (unfortunately). I really just want to thank you for putting up with and inspiring me and I hope we have many more years together!
I love you all! 
Thanks for stopping by!
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Oh, how sad. And scarey.