“Happiness is a warm puppy.” — Charles M. Schulz
Growing up I loved all things Snoopy. Ok, I still do. I also always wanted a puppy. I asked for one every single birthday and Christmas. I guess my parents weren’t dog people because I didn’t get my first (and only) puppy until June 17, 1994, when I was 24 years old and out on my own. I remember the date because as my friend and I were driving to the breeder’s home to pick up my first puppy we listened in disbelief to the unfolding drama that was the infamous O.J. Simpson low speed police pursuit in that white SUV.
Anyway, I chose a beagle, because that’s what Snoopy was. I was so in love with that dog and thrilled to finally have a dog of my own. I was on top of training her well and she even slept with me until hubby and I moved in together. He wasn’t as in love with her as I was. She adjusted to our new house rules and hubby just fine. She didn’t do so well when we brought home our first baby. She wanted no part of my oldest son. She avoided him and pretended he didn’t exist. She would deliberately step around the blanket he laid on when he was on the floor as an infant, making sure to never come close to even touching one corner of that blanket. She also started to rebel by peeing in the house from time to time. I figured it was just a jealous stage she would get over. Hubby grew to love her less and less.
One night she woke me up sometime in the wee hours of the morning. I kept telling her to go lay down but she kept coming right back, growing more and more frantic. I finally woke up enough to realize she really needed to go outside and got out of bed. Only she didn’t run downstairs to head out the back door. She ran into the baby’s room. The room she refused to go into, except to pee in when I was downstairs. She was hopping around and whining next to the crib. I went in there and my tiny little preemie who had also had surgery at 3 weeks old due to a birth defect was stuck under a blanket. It was completely covering his head and face and he was struggling to get out of it and struggling to breathe. Well, that dog became my hero that night. She may very well have saved his life and it was the third time in his short time on earth that his life had been in jeopardy. I never swaddled him again. And he is now a healthy 12 year old.
My dog did not fare so well. Her rebellion and peeing in the house stopped after that incident. But then along came baby number two. She had reached her limit. She was not going to accept another one of these little interlopers. She started peeing anywhere and everywhere whenever she could get away with it. It really was awful. We had to replace the carpeting in the entire house and she had to be crated a lot of the time. I had reached my own limit too. I had a full time job, a two year old, a colicky infant and a dog that refused to cooperate. Hubby and I made the difficult decision to give her away when we moved to our new house in 2001. We gave her to someone we knew but I still felt horribly guilty about abandoning her. I told myself I’d never have another dog. They are too much work. Plus I secretly felt undeserving of one because I gave her away.
As my boys have grown the pressure to get a puppy has increased to the point where hubby and I actually started to consider getting them one. They are 12 and almost 10 now. They have been dying for a puppy for years and are old enough to seriously help out with taking care of one. We narrowed it down to either another beagle or a puggle. The search was on. For reasons I still cannot comprehend, the only breeders I found anywhere near me were charging $700-$1500 for them. My mother was in Indiana caring for her elderly mother and told my grandmother about our search for a puppy. My grandmother took it upon herself to look through the newspaper ads stating, “We need to find those boys a puppy that doesn’t cost $700!”. How sweet is that?! They found several breeders in her area and my mother, you know, the one who was never a dog person, went to quite a bit of trouble to pick one out, buy it and drive it all the way home to us today. We are now the proud owners of an 8 week old adorable beagle puppy named Cosmo.
Cosmo
Today, my boys are the happiest kids on earth. I’m thrilled that we finally caved and got them a dog of their own. I know their diligence in taking care of her may slack as the excitement starts to wear off and I may end up being responsible for more of her care than we agreed to. But I also know that they are only kids once, they love her and the excitement and happiness they feel today is well worth it.
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“How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 8:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” — Charles Bukowski
I’ve written before about how my sense of self-worth was (is still to some extent?) tied to my job. I obtained this knowledge when my career was completely derailed as the mortgage industry took a nose dive in 2007. I went from being a VP with a six figure income to being unemployed for a full year. It wasn’t pretty. I felt like a big loser. A failure. I learned a lot in that year. For instance, that I am still me, and still a person worthy of love, even when I am unemployed. I am not my job. I am not worthy of love only when I am working and bringing in the big bucks. Good lesson.
Since I’ve been employed steadily now for longer than I was unemployed I’ve noticed something else. My self-worth is also tied to how much I earn. I took a huge pay cut out of necessity. The VP jobs were few and far between with hundreds of qualified candidates applying for them. I took several steps back. I’ve made some progress as far as promotions. I am back in management. But I’m not making anywhere near six figures these days.
I was bothered by this for several weeks recently as I came to believe that I’m worth more. And I am. But it took a bit longer to see that the amount of money I make does not define me any more than my job title or even lack of employment does. I am worth a lot more than my paycheck. I was taking on way too much work. Any freelance opportunity that came my way, I accepted. There were a few weeks where I was working 13 hour days since I have a full time job already and had to work on the freelance stuff in the evenings.
The thing is that I’ve already got the job I want. More important to me than the money is the fact that I work from home. I don’t have to fight traffic or be stuck in a cubicle all day. And the main reason I wanted to work from home was to have the extra time to spend with my kids and other things that I want to do. So why the hell was I taking on additional work that took more precious time away from what I really want?
Money. I’m not particularly materialistic. I don’t care about expensive cars, houses, jewelry or “stuff”. I do feel more secure when we have money in the bank and I don’t enjoy having to watch every penny I spend at the grocery store. But when I think of how many people in our country alone are in much worse financial shape than we are, not to mention all the people in other countries living under completely inhumane conditions, well, I feel like a shallow snob. Sadly, it does make me feel better about myself to earn an extra raise, bonus or additional pay from a freelance job. It’s mostly the pride in taking care of things, financially speaking, and the security that comes from having extra money for those unexpected emergencies.
But at what cost? The time I so desperately wanted. I’ve spent it working instead. At the ripe old age of 40 I’ve finally learned that if I want something, I am the only one who can obtain it. Clearly I’m a slow learner. And I am the only one who can sabotage myself too. I got what I wanted. I work from home. I like my job. I make decent money. Spending more time on additional work is taking away from what I want and the money is usually long gone by the time the regret sets in over the fact that I have spent my time doing something other than what I want to with it.
Do what you love and the money will follow, right? Starting today, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
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“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you’ll be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” – Rudyard Kipling
I have to preface this post by stating that it is inspired by this post by Hope and Healing with Elaine. It’s a lengthy but extremely informative article about introverts and in particular, Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) who are introverts. I read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D
Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D describes a HSP:
HSP students work differently from others. They pick up on the subtle things, learning better this way than when over-aroused. If an HSP student is not contributing much to a discussion, it does not necessarily mean they do not understand or are too shy. HSPs often process things better in their heads, or they may be over-aroused. This can be the reason for their not contributing. HSPs are usually very conscientious but underperform when being watched. This also applies to work situations; HSPs can be great employees—good with details, thoughtful and loyal, but they do tend to work best when conditions are quiet and calm. Because HSPs perform less well when being watched, they may be overlooked for a promotion. HSPs tend to socialize less with others, often preferring to process experiences quietly by themselves.
There are many in the psychology field who view being highly sensitive as a psychopathological condition that can be treated via various forms of therapy. Both of the Elaines mentioned above and many others view being highly sensitive simply as a normal and innate personality trait that is misunderstood in our extroverted society.
I do not yet know what to think about it. I do know that I answered yes to the majority of the questions on the self-test. I also know that I can become easily overwhelmed or frazzled and that this happens quite frequently in social situations. However, I don’t socialize less with others in general and have had no problems with obtaining promotions and can successfully perform under stressful working conditions.
I’m pretty outgoing and social. At the same time I am more introverted than most people I know appear to be. I like parties. I love concerts, and I mean big loud rock concerts. I find it easy to talk to people and don’t feel anxious in social situations. I’ve even overcome my public speaking phobia. I do prefer smaller parties to larger. I like larger parties better if there are several people to whom I am close are also in attendance. I hate loud, overly crowded bars or events. I tend to hit a wall at larger parties where I’m just completely wiped out, depleted and exhausted, even when I’m not the hostess and have no responsibilities other than to enjoy myself. I become over-stimulated and overwhelmed. I just want to go home to some peace and quiet. This does not seem to happen to most people I know.
After reading Elaine’s post I decided to really pay attention to my behavior and feelings at the large July 4th barbecue my family and I attended today. It was a great party hosted by my brother-in-law. There were lots of people there to whom I feel close, including my hubby and sons. I truly had a good time. It was one of the more enjoyable July 4th parties I’ve been to in recent history. Nonetheless, right around the four hour mark, I hit that wall. I hadn’t had too much to drink. Nothing at all was wrong. I was just done. Hubby noticed. I don’t need his permission to leave a party of course, but I still feel badly about it. He insisted it was fine, I had nothing to feel bad about, and that he knew I wanted to leave so I should just go home. I knew he was right but I felt like a wet blanket. A party-pooper. I’ve felt this way before. He and the boys can go all night. Sometimes I can too. But today four hours was enough for me I guess. And really I’m not raining on anyone’s parade as I did not insist that they leave sooner than they want to and my leaving most certainly did not put an end to the party.
Now that I’m home I still feel guilty about leaving. Conversely, I feel relieved to be home. It’s quiet and I’m alone. I do wish hubby and the boys were here relaxing with me but I don’t mind that they wanted to stay. Had I stayed I would probably have felt increasingly overwhelmed, tired and cranky and then I really would have been a party-pooper.
I still don’t know if I’m a highly sensitive person even though I answered yes to most of the questions on the quiz and do get overwhelmed after a while at large social gatherings. It doesn’t add up though since there are some large social gatherings at which I do not hit that wall. Maybe it just depends on other factors (my overall mood, amount of sleep I had the night before, level of stimulating conversation – something that’s very important to me, weather conditions – it was hot and humid today and even rained briefly, my level of alcohol consumption, etc.). Hell, for all I know hormones could even play a part. I guess it doesn’t really matter as long as hubby and I can strike a happy compromise as we did today. He got to stay and I got to leave. Neither of us is upset about the other’s decision. Maybe I’m just an ambivert with more introverted traits and he is an ambivert with more extroverted traits. As long as we’re both happy it’s ok. I just need to stop feeling guilty about it when I do hit the wall.
I welcome your comments on this subject. Do you feel overwhelmed sometimes (or all the time) at large or small social gatherings? If so, how do you handle it? Does this cause conflict between you and your significant other, friends or family? If so, how do you resolve it? Do you consider yourself to be introverted or highly sensitive? If so, what sorts of problems have you encountered as a result?
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“As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protections of civil government. I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality.” – George Washington
Have A Happy And Safe 4th Of July!
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“What’s the point of being alive,” she said, “if you’re not going to communicate?” — Kurt Vonnegut (Bluebeard)
Direct communication. I learned about this very foreign concept when I was in my late 30′s. Of course I’d always thought that I was communicating directly but in hindsight, I rarely did. I was trained from an early age that whatever I had to say was of no importance and that in order to avoid abuse I had to manipulate people and situations. I did that very well for a long time by people pleasing, holding grudges, playing the martyr, mind-reading, projecting and with denial.
Once I learned, and it was a long slow process, that it was actually ok to simply state exactly what was on my mind I was shocked. The sky didn’t fall. The world didn’t end. Nothing happened at all. Well, that’s not accurate. Others reacted to my new form of communication adversely. They didn’t like it at first. They liked the status quo. Turns out, that is a completely normal reaction to a loved one making major changes. Eventually the entire dynamic of several of my relationships changed entirely. Some of the people with whom I had the most conflict at first ended up joining me in learning direct communication. Hubby is one of those people.
It’s amazing how clueless I was to all that I was not communicating. If I thought it I assumed others thought the same. When they behaved in ways that baffled me and/or were hurtful to me I assumed they didn’t care about my feelings or that I had done something wrong. Later, through direct communication I learned that some of them simply did not understand me and also that some of them did not, in fact, care about my feelings.
Some of them are incapable of caring about anyone else’s feelings. As I became more and more comfortable with direct communication I noticed that those people who are not capable of caring about my feelings are master manipulators themselves who almost never communicate directly. I now have no tolerance for manipulation and indirect communication. I stay away from those people whenever I can. When I can’t, I limit my exposure and the topics I discuss with them.
One of the things that used to frustrate me the most about some people in my life was the way they would not answer questions. Whenever someone would dodge a question, completely ignore a question or answer a question with another question I became extremely confused. I used to think that perhaps I had crossed over some line and asked an inappropriate question or somehow otherwise made them uncomfortable. I felt confused a lot of the time and spent countless hours trying to figure out what I had said that caused the awkward situation.
It turns out that it wasn’t me. It was them. And this is now one of the first red flags that go up when I am getting to know someone new. If I ask questions appropriate to the level of intimacy in our relationship and those questions are repeatedly ignored, dodged or answered with anything less than a direct answer, I know I am dealing with someone who is attempting to manipulate me. It doesn’t mean they have some evil plot to hurt me. It can be something as simple as the person not wanting me to view them in a certain way so they start manipulating the conversation to avoid having to disclose something that they believe will make them look bad.
A recent example is a conversation I was having with a friend. She has been talking to me about her marital problems for months. Whenever we get together I hear story after story about her husband and the arguments they have. At first I was sympathetic and just listened and answered questions if she asked. Eventually I started to notice that major details seemed to be left out of many of the instances that she was telling me about. Things didn’t add up or make sense. So, I started asking questions. She would not answer any of them directly. Suddenly her memory was faulty and she sounded like a politician or a criminal defendant. She was pleading the 5th without telling me that’s what she was doing. She wants me to be on her side when we have these conversations. She does not want me to know the whole truth or see her as anything less than the victimized injured party in what is most definitely a two way street.
The funny thing is that I would actually like her much better if she were able to just be real. If she wants to talk to me about her marital problems, that’s fine, but since she is being selective about what she tells me I have no vested interest in actually listening. I wouldn’t care what she’d done to contribute to her marital problems. I would feel closer to her and more interested in her problems if she would just be herself, warts and all. As it is, it just feels like we have a superficial relationship.
It’s unfortunate that people are unable or unwilling to communicate directly. It’s so much easier than the manipulation that many people (my former self included) choose to engage in instead. It separates us and keeps barriers up that prevent us from reaching any real level of intimacy.
“It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates.” — Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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And the winner is….
Maya K.!
Thank you to everyone who participated!
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“If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: “I’m cheap!” – Delta Burke
Hubby has been using ProFlowers to send me bouquets on special occasions for a few years. They’ve been the most beautiful, longest lasting flowers I’ve received. When they contacted me about reviewing their birthday gift baskets I was expecting flowers. I considered asking them to send the product I’d be reviewing to my mother for her birthday next month. You know, that whole kill two birds with one stone thing. Then I thought it would be nice to receive flowers for myself. I was torn. When I finally checked out their selection of birthday gift baskets I was pleasantly surprised to find that they sell a lot more than flowers. And I decided I was definitely keeping the gift basket they sent me to review all for myself. I’ll kill two birds later. Some other way. I really don’t like birds. And I still have to buy my mother a birthday gift.
I digress. This was the gift basket I received from ProFlowers:
Deluxe Lavender Relaxation Spa Basket
I love lavender. I love anything containing the word, “spa”. I love relaxation. I even love baskets. It’s true. My sister says I have a weird attachment to all things wicker. Anyway, this gift basket is fabulous. It smells amazing. You know how sometimes scented lotions and potions and such smell sort of “off”…..a bit fake? Not so in this case. This is the real deal. My gift basket came beautifully wrapped and tied with a bow. I will intend to use the basket for storage but will inevitably make some sort of decoration out of it. You know, so as to properly display the wicker I so love. Plus I’m never organized enough to ever actually use anything for something as practical as storage. So far I’ve smelled every product in the basket and it all smells divinely relaxing. The basket is so jammed full of lotions, soaps and bath supplies that I’m fairly certain I will be able to bathe in lavender for at least a year. Plus none of the guys here in my house will want to use any of it.
The best part? ProFlowers has graciously offered to give another of these fabulous gift baskets away to one lucky reader of this blog. Interested in winning? Here you go:
One lucky winner will receive:
- 1 Deluxe Lavender Relaxation Spa Basket valued at $69.98
How To Enter The Giveaway:
- Visit ProFlowers.
- Return here to leave a comment about what you like best about the Deluxe Lavender Relaxation Spa Basket.
Additional Entries Available:
- Tweet a link to this giveaway and post the permalink of your tweet in the comments section of this post.
- Sign up for So Much More Than A Mom blog updates via e-mail HERE.
- Become a fan of So Much More Than A Mom’s Facebook page HERE.
- Post a link on your own blog back to this giveaway and post your link in the comments section of this post.
- Place an order with ProFlowers.
Details:
- Contest ends at midnight (CDT) Sunday, July11th 2010.
- US Residents only.
- My personal friends and family are not eligible to win (sorry!).
- Winner will be chosen at random and notified on July 12th 2010. Prize will be shipped directly from ProFlowers once all the information has been provided by the winner.
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“I have been in touch with the store location regarding the process of your machine. Unfortunately, the machine failed while in the reinstallation process because the motherboard was not “tattooed.” Normally, we should send this back for repair; however, we understand that this will not meet your needs, and not give you the Best Buy experience that we want to provide. Therefore, the General Manager has agreed to provide you with a new unit.” – Last E-mail I Received From Best Buy Sr. Executive Resolution Specialist
Believe it or not, this blog post is coming to you from my brand spanking new computer provided as a replacement by Best Buy under my extended warranty. Incredibly, the super secret service center who repaired it and shipped it back to the store to re-install the operating system and deliver it to me, did not actually complete the repair process. Nonetheless, this time around Best Buy finally did the right thing and simply replaced my lemon.
Photo courtesy of Adventures In Dullness
The GM who provided me with the new computer and even threw in an external hard drive with all my files on it couldn’t have been nicer. He didn’t even attempt to sell me an extended warranty. It struck me as I was waiting for him in the store how odd if felt to be there. My sons and I used to refer to Best Buy as hubby’s “mecca” or “happy place”. All those shiny new technological gadgets used to make for an exciting trip to the store. We always had to stop by the TV section to check out the coolest new big screens and would wander around checking out cameras, video games, etc. This time was different. The same agent that tried to scam me out of $130 to run a diagnostic that was included in my warranty was still behind the Geek Squad desk, likely trying to scam his next mark. I had the slimy queasy feeling I have when shopping for a car. I wondered how many of the customers in the the store were getting ripped off and/or were about to purchase something that was going to result in service issues similar to what I’d experienced. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
Interestingly, my most recent post has apparently been posted to the Geek Squad’s internal discussion forum as I have received several hits from their site. Unfortunately I’m not able to see the forum since you have to be an employee to login. I’m guessing I’m being called even worse names there than I was in the comments from all the internet tough-guys.
I really have nothing more to say on this topic except that I am thrilled that I finally found someone at Best Buy who took care of my problem. It’s unfortunate that this wasn’t resolved when the original problems occurred 2 months after I bought it but it is, thankfully, resolved now. I’ve written so much about my dissatisfaction with Best Buy and the Geek Squad that I felt it only fair that I write once and for all that they finally did resolve it.
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“Warning: the Internet may contain traces of nuts.” ~Author Unknown
Yesterday, The Consumerist published my recent post about my on-going problems with my computer, HP and Best Buy. As a result, it was also posted to several tech-related forums. I’ve received a ton of comments here on the blog and have also read those posted to The Consumerist and the forums. It’s overwhelming really. After reading them all it seems that people who commented generally fall into four categories, although some overlap. They are:
Photo courtesy of CtW Connect
The Internet Tough-Guy – These jerks generally use screen names and fake e-mail addresses when commenting. Some may or may not actually know a little bit about computers but they have only nasty things to say and nothing of value to contribute. Their comments range from infantile name calling to borderline hostility. Some critiqued the length of the post itself, some critiqued the content, some my writing style and other posts on the blog. One even accused me of making the whole thing up. Several called me an idiot or stupid. I imagine the people that fall into this category are unemployed, angry, live with their parents and spend their days playing video games and posting absurd and inflammatory remarks on websites and message boards because they have nothing else to do and use the internet as their personal forum to spew their negativity no matter what the topic.
The Tech-Snob – These individuals are knowledgeable about computers, or at least believe that they are. Their comments may contain bits of helpful information but the insulting way in which they comment overshadows the nuggets of info contained in their comments. They believe that everyone who doesn’t know everything there is to know about computers are complete morons and love to point that out every chance they get.
Photo courtesy of Eric’s Wise Words Of Wisdom
The Empath – These folks may or may not know much about computers but either way, can empathize with my issues or have even experienced something similar. Their comments are polite, can be funny and even helpful. I like them.
Technical Support – They are very knowledgeable about computers. Their comments are detailed and helpful. Many have either worked for Best Buy or have worked at a place where people bring Best Buy’s many mistakes to be corrected. This group comprises the largest number of people who commented overall. Several left specific instructions, helpful tips and general advice on fixing, buying and building computers. I like them too.
To answer a few of the questions that came up:
I freely admit that I am no computer expert. If any of my explanations about specific issues with my computer were incorrect, that is due to my own error in interpreting what my tech-support friend or Best Buy told me. I work in the mortgage business, not IT. If I asked someone outside of the mortgage industry if FNMA allowed C/O on a SFR N/O/O refi at 95% LTV with a 57% DTI, they would not only not be able to answer my question but would not have a single clue what I was even talking about. Does that make them idiots? Of course not. That is how IT lingo sounds to me. That makes me a layperson, not an idiot, just an average consumer not in the computer industry.
My IT friend did give me a USB NIC. Unfortunately he was unable to install the driver, presumably due to the fact that the motherboard needed to be replaced.
I most certainly could have asked him to repair my computer instead of taking it back to Best Buy. I’m sure he would have been more than willing to do so. However, this computer exhibited the exact same problems 2 months after I bought it, I paid for the extended warranty, why should I pay one dime to have it fixed? Yes, since I’ve purchased this computer I have learned that it is better to build your own or buy from a local shop because Best Buy is notorious for selling shoddy equipment, horrendous service and useless extended warranties. But I didn’t know that in 2008 when I bought the computer and the extended warranty. My thought was they needed to fix it (again) or replace it. I held them to the standards I expect. Just because I, many other consumers and the entire IT industry now know they are a joke does not mean I should not exercise my options under the warranty I paid for.
Graphic Courtesy of Write On Target
I did contact corporate both times. I got nowhere. They wouldn’t even tell me who the district manager was back in 2008, let alone put me in touch with anyone in upper management who would help. This time around, I finally e-mailed every executive I could find online, spoke with numerous agents on twitter and submitted my complaints to The Consumerist. I don’t know if it’s a direct result of The Consumerist’s post or some combination of all three but I have now received an e-mail indicating that my computer was returned to the store but that the motherboard was not “tattooed” (same thing happened last time) so now they are finally replacing my computer and providing an external hard drive with all my files on it. I left a message for the GM as instructed to arrange to pick it up but have not yet heard back.
Thank you to all the Empaths and Technical Support people who commented! You made a frustrating situation better and gave me valuable information on how to handle repairs and purchases the next time around. And thank you The Consumerist for consistently exposing corporations who fail to provide satisfactory service to their customers.
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“Geek Squad® Agents and Installers are ready to take the hassle out of your technology woes. They have the know-how and skill to set up, install or repair your computer, network, home theater solution and car audio, video and navigation systems, no matter where you bought your gear.” – Best Buy Website
Long time readers of this blog may remember my struggles with Best Buy back in December 2008/January 2009.
To sum up that situation:
We purchased our computer in 10/2008 with a 2 year extended warranty. Two months later it would not power up. We took it to the local Geek Squad where they put in a new power supply (for unknown reasons they did not replace the power supply with the same part, they added a different power supply with a separate on/off switch), claimed all was well and sent me home. When I hooked everything back up I couldn’t connect to the internet. The NIC appeared to have been damaged or was missing. I returned it to the store where they tried for several hours to install software to workaround this hardware problem before finally telling me they had to ship it to their super secret service center.
At the service center they replaced the motherboard but the replacement motherboard was also defective. They replaced the motherboard again. Then they replaced the CPU. They declared it fixed and returned it to the store. I was instructed to come pick it up. When I arrived there was nothing on my computer, not even an operating system. I had to return the next day to pick it up again.
All of this took a month and significant time and effort on my part to even find out what the status was throughout the entire ordeal. This was a 2 month old computer with at minimum 5 repair attempts. Best Buy’s extended warranty has a no-lemon clause which says it will replace any item on which there are 3 qualified repair attempts (I notice on their website this has since been changed to 4). The loophole is the word “qualified”. Even though they attempted to repair my two month old computer 5 times, they did not assign a new service order number to each attempt so all of these attempts only counted as 1 repair attempt.
Never mind that it would have been more efficient, less expensive and better customer service for them to just have replaced my two month old computer. No, they much preferred to spend a month replacing multiple components that they had to purchase from HP while their customer became more and more dissatisfied.
Fast forward to the end of May 2010. Suddenly the NIC is once again damaged or missing. Nothing else was acting up but I could, once again, not connect to the internet. I took it back to the dreaded store where I immediately encountered a shady Geek Squad Agent who claimed that he couldn’t even get the computer to boot up, it appeared to be a software issue, not a hardware issue and that I would need to pay $130 in order for him to perform a diagnostic test to diagnose the problem. I questioned the $130 fee since it is still under warranty but he insisted it was a software issue, most likely a virus he said, and therefore I had to pay for the diagnostic test. I left the store with my computer.
When I got home I plugged it in, turned it on, and it booted up just fine. The only issue was still the NIC. A friend of ours with a master’s degree in Information Technology, ten years of experience working on much more complicated problems and systems than the Geek Squad agents are qualified to handle and diagnostic tools of his own, ran the same diagnostic that Best Buy runs. Twice. Nothing. No virus. No malware. No software issues at all. The NIC was simply missing from the ROM BIOS.
After finding a sympathetic and seemingly helpful Geek Squad agent on Twitter (@AgentScottie) who confirmed that the diagnostic test was included in my extended warranty and that I should not be charged $130, he suggested that it sounded like a hardware problem and that I should take it back to the store just to have them ship it to the service center. He understood that I did not trust the in-store Geek Squad since they claimed that my computer had no operating system when it did, had a virus when it did not, and tried to get $130 out of me for something that is included in my extended warranty.
I returned to the dreaded store and asked them to ship it to the service center. I specifically stated that I did not want them to touch it, other than to pack it and ship it. The same agent who tried to scam me out of $130 immediately started plugging my computer in and taking it apart despite my having just instructed him not to touch it. A manager came over who did acknowledge that I should not have been asked to pay the $130 but that it was “irrelevant” that his employee had insisted upon charging me. He was combative and rude and not helpful in any way.
Today I have learned that the service center replaced the video card for no apparent reason as we had no problems with the display when we dropped it off. They also replaced the motherboard (this would be motherboard #4, including the original) claiming it had a short. I have yet to find out if the original problem (NIC) has been repaired or replaced but I have been told that the operating system will need to be reinstalled due to the number of components that were replaced. When I pointed out that the only reason the operating system would have been removed was if they had replaced the hard drive, I was given a new excuse for replacing the operating system: the computer is only able to boot into safe mode and that this can be a sign of either damaged startup files or corrupted drivers – both of which are issues that can be addressed by reinstalling Windows. The catch here is that if the latter excuse is accurate, they can move my profile including all files, off in safe mode, reinstall Windows and then put all my files back onto my computer. However, they really want me to pay the $150 fee for backing up my files so therein explains the multiple excuses for reinstalling Windows.
Upon expressing concern about all of this AGAIN, I was told to take it up with the in-store Geek Squad when my computer arrives there later this week!
I had also e-mailed my issues to HP and even received a call stating that I would hear from the retail services department within 48 hours but, shockingly, have not heard from anyone at HP since then.
In summary, my complaints about the horrible service at this store have been completely ignored. I have no idea if the problem I took it in for has been fixed. Multiple components have been replaced with no detailed or logical explanation provided. They are trying their hardest to either claim this is a software issue or to get me to pay to back-up my files when it is not necessary and is also not in line with providing excellent customer service after all the nonsense I have had to put up with over this computer. And it would have been cheaper and easier to replace this computer since we are now up to 8 repair attempts.
Update: Immediately upon publishing this I received this response from @AgentScottie: “I apologize you’ve had such trouble with us thus far. If it were up to me, I would’ve replaced the PC already. But sadly” – via Twitter. And this from him this morning: “Again I’m truly sorry for the issues you’ve encountered. This is definitely not the level of service client’s should expect“ - via Twitter. Too bad he’s not running the show.
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“We are as forlorn as children lost in the wood. When you stand in front of me and look at me , what do you know of the grief that is in me and what do I know of yours? And if I were to cast myself down before you and tell you, what more would you know about me than you know about Hell when someone tells you it is hot and dreadful?” — Franz Kafka
About five years ago, our car was stolen. Yes, right here in suburbia. We went out for the evening with friends and when we returned it was not on the street where we had parked it. It was recovered a few hours later when someone called the police to report noisy teenagers driving a car around a local park. There was some damage to the car but nothing major. The teenagers were never caught, our insurance company paid for the repairs and we went on with our lives.
We did have our suspicions about a teenage boy who lives down the street. At the time he was the only teenager on our street and the circumstances surrounding the theft of our car indicated that whoever did it would have had to have known we were gone for the night. Only someone living very nearby would have been able to see us pile into a friend’s mini-van with obvious intentions of going out for the night. We had no proof that it was him but he seemed the mostly likely candidate.
We were somewhat surprised when a year or two later this same teenager came knocking on our door offering to cut our grass. He was a little older and looking to make some money during summer vacation. We said yes despite our suspicions, because they were only suspicions after all, and even if it had been him thought maybe he’d matured and were happy to have someone else cut the grass.
At some point over the past few years, he seemed to expand. He provided us with business cards and a brochure offering full service landscaping, took on a partner and purchased one of those big trailers on which he hauled around several commercial-grade lawn mowers, weed-whackers and other landscaping materials.
A few weeks ago, while cutting our grass he hit a tiny rock. It flew into our patio door with such force it made a loud noise that scared the crap out of me and the outer pane shattered immediately. It crackled like ice for several minutes before starting to fall apart. He immediately said he’d pay to replace the pane of glass and stopped by a few days later with someone to provide an estimate. A week later a second person came by to measure for an estimate.
Another week later we had heard nothing. Hubby called and the teenager, now nineteen years old, indicated that his parents suggested we file a homeowners insurance claim, told us he really didn’t have the money right now, and over the next couple of weeks made it pretty clear that he was trying to get out of paying for the damage. He even kept cutting our grass each week but never came to the door to collect his weekly fee. After hubby placed a call to his cell phone only to find the number had been disconnected we decided to go talk to his parents.
Throughout all of this hubby and I had debated back and forth about how to handle this situation. On the one hand, he is just a kid (although technically of legal age), it could have happened to anyone, and we aren’t going to take anyone to court over this. On the other hand, it didn’t happen to anyone, it happened to him, he offered to pay for it, and our budget is pretty tight.
His father was immediately belligerent. He had this whole tough-guy thing going on. My immediate impression was that he was a total douche. I mean, if my son broke a neighbor’s window playing baseball or something I would pay for the damage and would certainly not tell my neighbor to kiss off as he seemed to be doing with us. Finally the reason for his behavior came out. His son is in jail. He’s supposed to enter the military in July but since this is his third recent scrape with the law, and this one a felony, his military future is not looking good. The legal fees are going to be enormous. Suddenly the problem we had come to discuss seemed so petty. We are the least of this man’s problems.
I had to fight back tears. Not because of the legal fees or the fact that there is now no way he is replacing our pane of glass. The pain of watching your child go down the wrong path. Especially the path of a criminal right on the cusp of what could possibly lead to a much brighter future (joining the military tends to straighten people out). I can’t even imagine it.
When they are babies their futures seem so bright. The possibilities endless. As young children there is so much potential as their own interests and strengths develop. We have such high hopes for our kids. Sure, an argument could be made that this teenager’s problems are a result of bad parenting but I have no way of knowing if that is the case as I don’t know them at all. No matter what led him down his chosen path, the disappointment, guilt and grief his dad must be feeling right now knock the wind out of me every time I think about it. Shattered dreams, especially those we have for our children….well, it’s terrifying to even consider my own sons ending up in the same position as this troubled young man.
He did not discuss the details of his son’s crimes but did soften up considerably after he got the truth off his chest and we expressed compassion for him and his son. He even apologized for his initial behavior, acknowledging that we had no way of knowing what was really causing his anger. By the time we left I wanted to give him a hug. I hope it’s not too late for his son and that he can get his life together. I hope his parents don’t have to live with shattered dreams for the rest of their lives.
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